Best 1551 Age Jokes and Puns

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive...

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

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Vote kickass if you're in the age zone of 10-21

Vote kickass if you're in the age zone of 10-21

Vote lame if you are in the age zone of 22-100

"Just want to see the age of most readers"

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More jokes about: #Funny
There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor.

There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream." She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him, and again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream." Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband and again he said, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top." So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where's the toast?"

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Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70 years old.

Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70 years old.

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I saw a young teenage kid on the subway today.

I saw a young teenage kid on the subway today. He had a Mohawk hairstyle dyed yellow, green, and red. He caught me staring at him and in a nasty voice asked, "What the f*ck are you looking at?" I replied, "Sorry, but when I was about your age I had sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my son."

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
On hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, Katie goes straight to her grandparents' house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

On hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, Katie goes straight to her grandparents' house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asks how her grandfather has died, her grandmother replies, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie tells her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex will surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear. Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. It was nice, slow, and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ding and out on the dong."

She pauses, wipes away a tear and then continues, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

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A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner. He asks his son, "Son, where were you today during school hours?" "At school." The robot slaps the son. "Okay, I went to the movies!" The father asks, "Which one?" "Harry Potter." The robot slaps the son again. "Okay, I was watching porn!" The father replies, "What? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was!" The robot slaps the father. The mom chimes in, "Haha! After all, he is your son!" The robot slaps the mother.

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A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. So he decides to try it out at dinner.

DAD: Son, where were you today during school?

SON: At school *robot slaps son*

SON: Ok, I went to the movies.

DAD: Which one?

SON: Toy Story *robot slaps son again*

SON: Ok, it was A Day with a Porn Star.

DAD: WHAT?! When I was your age, I didn't even know what porn was. *Robot slaps dad*

MOM: HAHA!! After all he is your son, *Robot slaps mom*

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
Boy and girl: asked the teacher very important question?

Boy and girl: asked the teacher very important question?

"can kids of our age have kids?"

Teacher replied " NO Never!!"

Boy said to girl :

"see i told you not to worry!!!!

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More jokes about: #Funny
Two students were arguing when their teacher entered the classroom.

Two students were arguing when their teacher entered the classroom. The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?” One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

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I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.

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More jokes about: #One #Liner #Age #Death #Doctor #Health
At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted?

At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted?

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More jokes about: #One #Liner #Age #Animal #Life
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

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More jokes about: #One #Liner #Age #Women
I grew a beard thinking it would say "Distinguished Gentleman." Instead, turns out it says, "Senior Discount, Please!"

I grew a beard thinking it would say Distinguished Gentleman. Instead, turns out it says, Senior Discount, Please!

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More jokes about: #One #Liner #Age #Attitude
You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."

You're old enough to remember when emojis were called hieroglyphics.

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More jokes about: #One #Liner #Age #Insults #It #Time
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

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More jokes about: #One #Liner #Age
Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse.

Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse.

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More jokes about: #One #Liner #Age #Rude
A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens.

A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable.

However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they cannot afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one.

Quickly, the new "gorilla" becomes the most popular craze at the zoo. People from all over are coming to see the "Human-like" gorilla.

About a month in, the craze has started to wear off. So, to get peoples' attention back, he decides to climb over his enclosure and hang from the net ceiling above the lions den next to him. A large crowd of people gather watching the spectacle in awe and terror. Suddenly the man loses his grip and falls to the floor of the lion's den. The man starts screaming "HELP!! HELP!!!" Suddenly a lion pounces him from behind and whispers in his ear, "Shut the fuck up right now or you're going to get us both fired."

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A 92 year old man is walking through a park and sees a talking frog.

A 92 year old man is walking through a park and sees a talking frog. He picks up the frog and the frogs says, “If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess and be yours for a week.” The old man puts the frog in his pocket. The frog screams, “Hey if you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess and make love to you for a whole month.” The old man looks at the frog and says, “At my age I’d rather have a talking frog.”

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Anant bought a Lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.

Anant bought a Lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at his redneck neighbours: …

DAD : Son where were you today during school hours?

SON : At school (robot slaps the Son and he immediately changes his mind) Okay I went to the movies! DAD : Which one?

SON : Harry Potter (robot slaps Son again!) Okay I was watching porno.

DAD : What? When I was your age I didn’t even know porno! (robot slaps dad)

MUM : hahahahaha! After all he is your Son! (robot gives Mum a hot dirty slap)

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty