Best 10000+ Asking Jokes and Puns

Yo momma's so fat and old when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way.

Yo momma's so fat and old when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way.

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Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

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Yo momma is so fat when she went to KFC the cashier asked, "What size bucket?"

Yo momma is so fat when she went to KFC the cashier asked, "What size bucket?" and yo momma said, "The one on the roof."

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Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons.

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."

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More jokes about: #Clean jokes #Family jokes
After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school.

After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, "I had sex with my teacher." She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son's room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, "I had sex with my teacher." The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, "No thanks Dad, my butt still hurts."

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More jokes about: #School jokes
3 drunk guys enterd a taxi.

3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

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More jokes about: #Funny
There was a redneckwho hit every black man he saw with his truck.

There was a redneckwho hit every black man he saw with his truck. One day he saw a priest walking down the road and thought, "For all the bad things I done, let me give this priest a ride." So he picked the priest up and they drove along. The redneck saw a black guy down the road and decided he would pretend to fall asleep and so the priest would think it was an accident. The redneck closed his eyes and heard a loud bang. "What happened?" he asked. "You missed him," the priest said, "but I got him with the door."

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A man and a woman meet in an elevator.

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

"I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

"About $20."

"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.

The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.

"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"

"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch.

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

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A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up.

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

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More jokes about: #Insult jokes
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

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More jokes about: #Blonde jokes
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

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Yo momma is so poor I saw her kicking a trash can so I asked, "What are you doing?"

Yo momma is so poor I saw her kicking a trash can so I asked, "What are you doing?" and she said, "I'm moving."

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Tough guy: I can't believe your still a Virgin!

Tough guy: I can't believe your still a Virgin! HAHAHAHA

Other Guy: I was a Virgin until last night

Tough guy: As if!

Other guy: Yeah man just ask your sister

Tough Guy: I don't have a sister???

Other Guy: You will in about 9 months

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More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
Me: Mum i got a detention today

Me: Mum i got a detention today

Mum: Why!

Me: Well the teacher pointed the ruler at me and said "at the end of this ruler is a idiot".

Mum: Yeah so

Me: I asked what end.

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More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?"

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

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More jokes about: #Food jokes #Family jokes
A cowboy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks for a shot.

A cowboy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks for a shot. Across the bar, a Mexican man is sitting and glaring at the cowboy. The cowboy takes the shot and slams the shot glass down on the counter, yelling, "TGIF!" The Mexican orders a shot, takes it, and slams his glass down, yelling, "SPIT!" The cowboy looks over at him and notices the Mexican guy is still staring at him. The cowboy once again orders a shot, slams it down, and yells again "TGIF!" Once again, the Mexican orders a shot, slams it down after consuming it, and yells out, "SPIT!" This goes on for a while, and the bartender stands puzzled and annoyed. Finally, the bartender asks the cowboy, "Just checking, but do you know what TGIF means?" and the cowboy replies, "Hell ya I know what it means, 'Thank God It's Friday!'" The bartender asks the Mexican guy, "Okay, so what does 'SPIT' mean?" and the Mexican replies, "Stupid Pendejo It's Thursday!"

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
There were three guys in Hell - Iranian, American, and a Chinese man.

There were three guys in Hell - Iranian, American, and a Chinese man. They asked Satan to let them call their family. The American called and talked for 10 minutes. He payed $1,000. The Chinaman called and talked for 15 minutes. He payed $2,000. The Iranian talked for an hour and only paid $10. The other men complained and Satan responded, "A call from Hell to Hell is local."

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My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing?

My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing? Apparently "heating your dinner" wasn't a good answer.

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty