Best 4663 Away Jokes and Puns

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?It gets toad away.

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There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette.

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

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Boy: The principal is so dumb!

Boy: The principal is so dumb!

Girl: Do you know who I am?

Boy: No...

Girl: I am the principal's daughter!

Boy: Do you know who I am?

Girl: No...

Boy: Good! *walks away*

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Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?

Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.

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More jokes about: #Animal jokes #Family jokes
One day, there were two boys playing by a stream.

One day, there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream. All of a sudden, the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

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Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?Her: Awww... Yes!!!Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me

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Teacher: Why did you not study?

Teacher: Why did you not study?

Student: A year has 365 days for you to study. After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that is way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left. We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days so now we're left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days. We spend 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are used in this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year. We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days. Exams and tests take up at least 35 days in your year, hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days. Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days, you're left with 3 days in the year to study! Let's say you only go out for 2 days... You're left with 1 day. But that 1 day is your birthday.

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More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
A woman places an ad in the local newspaper.

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. “Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” Two days later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away.” “What makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman retorts. Tim replies, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

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Three brothers are traveling along a road, and their car dies.

Three brothers are traveling along a road, and their car dies. They all get out of the car, and start walking to a barn that's a little ways away. When they get their, the farmer comes out of the barn, and offers them a room for one night.

He says to the first one, "You can sleep with the pigs," the second guy," you can sleep with the cows", and the third guy, "I like the cut of your jib. You can sleep with my 18 daughters."

The next morning, he asks everyone how they slept. The first man said, "I slept like a pig."

The second man said ,"I slept like a cow."

The third guy said, "I slept like a rabbit. I jumped from hole, to hole, to hole."

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A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks if he could see her license.

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

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Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children.

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" The priest replied, "I mean her legs."

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More jokes about: #Religious jokes
Two cows are in a field.

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

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There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink.

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up drink my poison."

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A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other.

A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then, the girl stops and sits up. “What’s the matter?” asks the guy. She replies, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a prostitute, and I charge $100 for sex.” The man thinks about it for a few seconds, but then reluctantly gets out a $100 bill, pays her, and they have sex.

After a cigarette, he just sits in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asks the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before,” replies the man, “but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $50.

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A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph.

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. The man eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

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On hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, Katie goes straight to her grandparents' house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

On hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, Katie goes straight to her grandparents' house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asks how her grandfather has died, her grandmother replies, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie tells her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex will surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear. Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. It was nice, slow, and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ding and out on the dong."

She pauses, wipes away a tear and then continues, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

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1.Yo mama is so fat that she looked up cheat codes for Wii Fit

1.Yo mama is so fat that she looked up cheat codes for Wii Fit

2. Yo mama is so fat that she has to iron her pants on the driveway.

3.Yo mama is so fat that people jog around her for exercise.

4. Yo mama is so fat that the last time she saw 90210, it was on a scale.

5.Yo mama is so fat that I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing!

6.Yo mama is so ugly that people go as her for Halloween.

7.Yo mama is so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, the reflection looks back and shakes its head.

8.Yo mama is so ugly that she makes blind children cry.

9.Yo mama is so ugly that her shadow ran away from her.

10.Yo mama is so ugly that when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"

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More jokes about: #Funny #Yo #Momma
Two boys go into a forest and walk around.

Two boys go into a forest and walk around. Suddenly they see a naked women, then one of the boys run away. The other chases after him. The boy asked "Why did u run away?" The other said "My mom told me if i saw a naked women i'd turn to stone, i already felt something getting getting hard."

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20 Things to do Before You Die...

20 Things to do Before You Die...

1) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!"

2) Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door and when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say 'we've been expecting you.'

3) Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look them in the eyes and deadpan 'with great power, comes great responsibility.' Walk away.

4) Call someone to tell them you can't talk right now.

5) Point at someone and shout "You're one of them!" Run and pretend to trip. Crawl away slowly.

6) Buy a donut and complain that there's a hole in it.

7) Put Mayonnaise in a bowl, freeze it, and tell your friend it's ice cream.

8) Put up a "Lost Dog" poster with a picture of a cat on it.

9) In a public toilet, pass a note under the door next to you saying, "They're onto us. We need to go."

10) Walk up to a random person and say, "Wow! You've changed, I still have your picture from five years ago." And hold up a picture of potato.

11) Call McDonalds asking for directions to Burger King.

12) Order a pizza 5 minutes before New Years, and when it comes, yell, "I ORDERED THIS THING A YEAR AGO!

13) Bring a desk on an elevator. When people try to get on ask if they have an appointment.

14) Go to an electronic store with a banana and say that you want to upgrade to an apple.

15) Call Pizza Hut and ask for the phone number to Domino's.

16) Hide a walk talkie in a bush and scare people that walk by.

17) Get on a crowded elevator with a bag in your hands, sigh and say "darn my snake got loose again".

18) When someone asks you if you know what time it is, say yes and walk away.

19) Dress up as a duck and throw bread at people and say,"HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!! HUH?!!!!

20) Go to a pet shop, point at an employee, and shout "I WANT THAT ONE MOMMY!!!"

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More jokes about: #Funny #Pun
I must have a great butt, because every time I finish talking to someone and start to walk away.

I must have a great butt, because every time I finish talking to someone and start to walk away. I hear them whisper 'what an ass'

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