Best 772 Chuck norris Jokes and Puns

An Irishman, an Indian man, a British man, and a Scottish man are riding in a plane.

An Irishman, an Indian man, a British man, and a Scottish man are riding in a plane. The pilot shouts back, "We need to lose some weight or we'll crash!" So the Irishman throws out some beer and saying, "We got enough of that in our country." The Indian throws out some curry and says, "We got enough off that in our country." The Scottish man throws some bagpipes off and says, "We got enough of that in our country." Then the British man picks up the Indian and chucks him off the plane saying, "We got enough off them that in our country."

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Funny ways to answer the phone

Funny ways to answer the phone

1) Johns white house,you got the dough, we got the hoe

2) Hello Immigration service, you report em' we deport em

3) Jim's abortion clinic you rape em we scrape em

4) Westroad sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it

5) Sawyers sperm bank you jack it we back it

6) hello children's hospital,you beat em we treat em

7) chucks disposable dildos fuc em suc em and Chuck em

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Vote kickass if you like Chuck Norris better than Justin Bieber.

Vote kickass if you like Chuck Norris better than Justin Bieber.

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Vote kickass if you would pay money to see Chuck Norris kick Justin Bieber's ass

vote kickass if you would pay money to see Chuck Norris kick Justin Bieber's ass

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Who do you think would win in a fight between chuck norris and Steven seagal Rate kick-ass for chuck and rate lame for Steven seagal

Who do you think would win in a fight between chuck norris and Steven seagal Rate kick-ass for chuck and rate lame for Steven seagal

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Chuck Norris walked into a bar.

Chuck Norris walked into a bar. He was greeted with much respect considering he was a talented actor.

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If you rate this kickass Chuck Norris will round-house kick One Direction off the face of the earth.

If you rate this kickass Chuck Norris will round-house kick One Direction off the face of the earth. If you rate this lame... Chuck... will...find you.....

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Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.

Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.

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Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945.

Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945.

World War II ended Sept. 2 1945.

What a coincidence.

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Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard.

Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard. They are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.

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Press kickass if u like Chuck Norris

Press kickass if u like Chuck Norris

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Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade you have ever tasted

Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade you have ever tasted

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How did giraffes come to be?

How did giraffes come to be? Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.

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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

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Chuck Norris and Superman once agreed to a fight, the loser had to wear their underwear on the outside of their pants.

Chuck Norris and Superman once agreed to a fight, the loser had to wear their underwear on the outside of their pants.

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Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

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Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

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When the president pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris' cell phone rings.

When the president pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris' cell phone rings.

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When chuck norris plays zombies, he isnt trying to survive... the zombies are

when chuck norris plays zombies, he isnt trying to survive... the zombies are

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Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his house, the bear is not dead he is just to scared to move

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his house, the bear is not dead he is just to scared to move

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