Best 349 Coin Jokes and Puns

Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

Do not be racist , be like Mario. He's an italian plumber, made by Japanese people, who speaks english, looks like a mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a jew!

A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, what happened? She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still f*cking!"

don't be racist.be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber. Created by Japan. Speaks English. and looks Mexican. jumps like a black man and grabs coins like jews

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done." She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees. After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The bastard used coins, so I'm still picking it up and he is still having sex with me!"

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me a racist, I'd have enough money for a black guy to rob me and a jew to pick up the coins he drops as he runs away.

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins.

I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?

A guy took his BLONDE girlfriend to her very first football game. They had great seats behind their teams bench! After the game, he asked how her first experience was. "Oh I really liked it," she replied, especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents!?!?" Dumbfounded, her date asked, ''What do you mean by that?'' ''Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, "GET THE QUARTERBACK!" I'm like, "Hellooo it's only 25 cents!"

Yo mama so ugly, her parents flipped a coin to see who had to kiss her good night.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse said, "No change yet."

How do you tell when time is reversing?

When a Jew drops a coin on the ground

yo mamma is so stupid she put 50 cent coins in each ear and thought she was listening to 50 cent

Ajit Pai sounds like..

Khajit, he only wants coin

Eric is looking for a new desk for his office and he spots one that looks perfect in an antique shop window. He goes inside and asks the shopkeeper how much it is.

he floor four times. The shopkeeper turns out his pocket and, sure enough, there are four pound coins there.

“Wow, that’s pretty cool,” says Eric. “Alright, desk, how much money does my wife have in her bank account?”

At this, the desk goes wild, manically banging all four of its legs up and down repeatedly for over five minutes non-stop.

“Damn, where did she get all that from?” asks Eric.

The desk’s legs slide apart and its drawers fall down.

Whoever coined the term "wet nurse" missed a golden opportunity...

A cooler name would have been utili-titty.

My teacher told me if I flipped a coin I'd get either head or tail.

I'm still waiting

A small boy swallows some coins and is taken to a hospital.

When his grandmother telephones to ask how he is, the nurse tells her, “No change yet.”