Best 4680 Dad Jokes and Puns

After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school.

After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, "I had sex with my teacher." She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son's room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, "I had sex with my teacher." The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, "No thanks Dad, my butt still hurts."

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More jokes about: #School jokes
Dad: Say daddy!

Dad: Say daddy!

Baby: Mommy!

Dad: Come on, say daddy!

Baby: Mommy!

Dad: F*ck you, say daddy!

Baby: F*ck you, Mommy!

Mom: Honey, I'm home!

Baby: F*ck you!

Mom: Who taught you that?

Baby: Daddy!

Dad: Son of a b*tch.

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More jokes about: #Funny
"Haha, you failed!"

"Haha, you failed!"

"Yeah, so did your dad's condom."

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More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
Yo momma is so stupid when your dad sad it was chilly outside, she ran out the door with a spoon!

Yo momma is so stupid when your dad sad it was chilly outside, she ran out the door with a spoon!

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?"

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

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More jokes about: #Food jokes #Family jokes
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an asshole!

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More jokes about: #Food jokes
Boy texted his dad saying

Boy texted his dad saying

Boy:I got expelled

Dad: WHAT WHY

Boy: cos we had this lesson about bulling and the teacher said sticks and stones may break my bone but words will never hurt me

Dad: and

Boy: so I threw a book at her face and it broke her nose

Dad : lol that's my boy

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More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
A little boy caught his mom and dad having sex.

A little boy caught his mom and dad having sex. After, he asked, "What were you and daddy doing?" The mom said, "We were baking a cake." A few days later, the little boy asked his mom, "Were you and daddy baking a cake?" She said yes, and asked him how he knew. He answered, "Because I licked the frosting off the couch."

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob?

Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob?

Dad: Ohhh yeah I do!

Son: How did it taste?

Dad: Get out.

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
My dad said if I get 100 Kick ass votes he'll quit drugs and alcohol.

My dad said if I get 100 Kick ass votes he'll quit drugs and alcohol.

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More jokes about: #Funny
Little Girl: Mom what's this *she pulled down her pants*

Little Girl: Mom what's this *she pulled down her pants*

Mom: That's your garage, don't let boys put their car into your garage

She nods and hops off

Next door

Little Boy: Dad whats this? *he pulls down his pants*

Dad: That's your car, you need to put that into a girls garage

He nods and hops off

Little girl walks in with her hands covered with blood

Mom: WHAT HAPPENED!?

Little Girl: The little boy from next door tried to put his car into my garage so I pulled its wheels off

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
Dad: Hey son want to hear a joke?

Dad: Hey son want to hear a joke?

Son: Yeah!

Dad: Pussy.

Son: I dont get it.

Dad: Exactly...

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More jokes about: #Funny
(Dad's daughter walks up to him)

(Dad's daughter walks up to him)

Daughter- Dad i gotta tell u something...

Dad- Whats tht?

Daughter- I'm a lesbian.

Dad- Okay.

(Dad walks around then his other daughter comes up to him)

Daughter #2- Dad i gotta tell u something...

Dad- Whts tht?

Daughter #2- I'm a lesbian.

Dad- Damn, does anybody in this house like dick?

Son- I do!!!!

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
1.A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach.

1.A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why.

She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger "units" than his dad.

His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is." Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play.

Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins.

A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies, "I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!"

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
There's this black kid that goes to school and realizes teachers treat him differently than the white kids.

There's this black kid that goes to school and realizes teachers treat him differently than the white kids. So, he goes home, paints himself white and shows his dad. His dad beats the crud outta him. He shows his mother, "Hey Ma, Look! I'm white!" He gets beat by his mom too. Lastly, he shows his Grandmother, "Grandma, Look! I'm white! She beats him badly with her cane and sends him to his room. Later, his dad comes into his room and asks, "Son, did you learn anything out of this?" And the boy replies, "Duh! I've only been white for an hour and I already hate three niggers!"

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More jokes about: #Funny #Racial
This is the story about a little girl that didn't know what cursing or what sex was.

This is the story about a little girl that didn't know what cursing or what sex was. Two nights before thanksgiving, she heard her parents having sex. Her father said: "Oh honey, I love your luscious tits." Then her mother said: "And I love your slim dick!" The next morning, the girl asked her father what "luscious tits" were. The father panicked. "It's a fine coat." He said. The little girl then asked her mother what a "slim dick" is. The mother panicked and said: "It's a pair of boots." The next morning was thanksgiving, she walked past her father shaving in the bathroom. He cut him self and exclaimed: "Oh, shit!" The little girl asked what shit meant. "I'm shaving right now, sweety" said her father. Then the girl went into the kitchen where her mother was cooking the turkey. She accidentally dropped it on the floor and said: "Oh, f*ck!" "What does f*ck mean?" Asked the little girl. "I'm cooking the turkey right now, sweety." replied her mother. Then the door bell rang. Her mother told her to go open the door and welcome the thanksgiving guests. The little girl walked up, opened the door and said: "Hello everyone! Hang up your luscious tits, drop your slim dicks, my dad's upstairs shitting and my mum's f*cking the turkey."

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer.

A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money sweetheart. I could send you, your sister, and your brother to great colleges, so sure, I would!” He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies, “Brad Pitt? Hell ya, he’s the hottest guy ever!” Next, the boy asks his brother who replies, “A million dollars? Hell yes I would. I’d be rich!” When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses, the dad says, “Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer.”

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More jokes about: #Sexist jokes
Dad: "Can I see your report card, son?"

Dad: "Can I see your report card, son?" Son: "I don't have it." Dad: "Why?" Son: "I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Me: dad i got detention today.

Me: dad i got detention today.

Dad: why?

Me:the teacher pointed at stick at me and said there is an idiot at the end of this stick.

Dad: then what?

Me: i asked which end ?

Dad: that's my boy

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More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback