Best 7 Jokes and Puns about 'Eon'

An engineer in Hell.

An engineer in Hell.

Hell to see if he would like to go there instead.

St. Peter says "Sure, why not?" and sends him down for a look. The engineer sees the fiery pits and the swamps and the heat and humidity and says to himself "This place needs me. I will stay here instead."

Eons pass and one day God calls down to the Devil to mock him. "Hot enough for you?" "No, it is really quite nice." Replies the Devil. "Ever since you sent down that engineer he has been putting in air conditioning and a drainage system and diffused lighting. It is really quite nice here now."

"What!" exclaims God, "How did you get an engineer? All engineers go to heaven. Send him back up here immediately." "No" says the Devil. "We have him and we will keep him."

"Send him back up immediately." says God, "Or I will sue."

At this the Devil laughs and laughs. "Sue?" he asks "Where will you get a lawyer."

Read More
One day, little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life...

One day, little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life...

eone just ripped your balls off!"

Read More
More jokes about: #Frighten #Monthly
The Pope Dies and Goes to Heaven.

The Pope Dies and Goes to Heaven.

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee and, after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.

He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistics master, he sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.

All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come running to him, only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering, "An 'R'! They left out the 'R' .

God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem is. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R'... the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE."

Read More
More jokes about: #Holy #Committee #Linguistics
One day a talented engineer was inspecting some work on top of a new high rise building when he slipped and fell to his death.

One day a talented engineer was inspecting some work on top of a new high rise building when he slipped and fell to his death.

meets Satan. “What are you doing down here? I see you lived a pretty decent life.”

“I went to Heaven first and they aren’t admitting anyone right now. I don’t really have anywhere else to go.”

“Hmm, I guess I could let you stay here. But what can you do for me? I see you made some pretty incredible things when you were alive.”

“I think I can make some improvements in exchange for somewhere to spend eternity, what do you think?”

“It’s a deal!” says Satan, and he lets the engineer in to Hell.

In just a few short eons the man builds all sorts of things. Elevators, escalators, water fountains, swimming pools, and even air conditioning are but a few of the luxuries he installs over time.

A little while later, God calls down to check up on damnation. “How are things going down there for you Lucifer?”

“Pretty good! We got this terrific engineer you sent us a while back and he’s done some amazing things since he’s been here. We’ve got all sorts of conveniences thanks to him. We’re even going to open a ski resort here in a couple weeks!”

“What!? That’s not fair! I want that engineer up here!”

“Too bad, you can’t have him.”

“If you don’t give me that engineer, I’ll sue!”

Satan laughs and says, “Oh yeah? Well where the Hell are you going to find a lawyer?”

Read More
Becoming pigeons can be extremely time consuming...

Becoming pigeons can be extremely time consuming...

It took a pig eons to become one.

Read More
More jokes about: #Pigeon
A man was offroading in the desert.

A man was offroading in the desert.

acks. He figured he couldn't be that far from any town, so he started walking.

He walked for hours. The sun started setting, and he was no closer to civilization. He couldn't see his car anymore, and figured he'd be better off waiting till morning to continue. He found a shady spot and layed down. When he woke up he was even more disoriented. He kept going, hoping he'd find something soon.

Eventually he found himself in a large flat empty plain. He saw something in the middle of it, but he couldn't tell what it was. He kept walking towards it until it was clear; in the middle of the desert was a large tilted pole, on top of which was a snake.

"Who are you?" he asked, examining it.

"I am Nate the snake. I am the guardian of this lever." he replied.

So it's a lever, he thought. He couldn't tell if this was a hallucination. It felt real. He wasn't dead. But more pressing, he was talking to a snake, and even worse, the snake spoke!

"You can talk!?"

"Of course I can. I was placed here eons ago to guard this lever."

He had many questions. Who placed him there? Why? What does the lever do? How does he talk? Where am I? But all he could think of was,

"So your name is Nate?"

"That's right."

It has to be heatstroke, he thought. No way is a snake here talking to me! But it was, and he was healthy as a horse. A little dehydrated, but nothing fatal.

"Are you real?"

"Of course I am." the snake replied.

"So why are you on top of this lever?"

"Well, it's the lever that kills all of humanity. Must guard it from the wrong hands!"

"How does that work?" He asked.

"I'm not sure. All I know is that if it's pushed, all humans will perish." Nate the snake replied.

At this point he figured it was time to head on, he didn't exactly have a need to kill all humans.

"Do you know where the nearest town is?"

"Of course. It's about 10 miles that way" he said, pointing with his tail.

"Alright, well, thank you." he said, before heading off.

Sure enough, there was a town not 10 miles from where the snake was, where he found a local tow truck rental that would allow him to rescue his car. The next morning, after sleeping at a local inn, he set off in a small tow truck to find if the snake had been real. Personally, he'd like to thank him for saving his life, as he wouldn't have found the town otherwise.

As he summitted the last dune, he could see the snake in the distance, 10 feet away from the pillar, devouring a small animal. Just then, the sand started to give way and his tires lost all grip. He was sliding down at an alarming rate, and knew he only had time to make a split second decision, as he was aiming directly for the lever! So he ripped the wheel to the side, and with all his might, hit the gas, moving his trajectory away from the lever, but now he was aiming towards the snake! All he could think to say in this tense moment was,

"Better nate than lever!"

Thank you

Read More
Desperately trying to recall this joke.

Desperately trying to recall this joke.

Many eons ago Billy Crystal told a joke on Letterman involving an old Jewish guy arguing with a younger guy. They go back and forth until finally the young guy says something that proves the old guy's point and the old guy says, "Ah-haaah!" in a Yiddish voice.

Anybody remember that joke? It's been driving me nuts for years.

Read More
More jokes about: #Desperately #Crystal