Best 579 Famous Jokes and Puns

A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop.

A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl…"

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More jokes about: #Sexist jokes
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

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More jokes about: #Famous #Quotes #Stupid #Top #100
I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.

I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.

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More jokes about: #One #Liner #Beauty #Kids #Life #Money #Work
Popular girl: *talking about famous instagramer*

Popular girl: *talking about famous instagramer*

Me: who's that?

Popular girl: Ew do you like not have a life? *smiles back at friends*

Me:oh no, I do. I'm just not on my phone 75% of it, missing out all the important moments in life, like your boyfriend literally flirting with that girl behind you.

Popular girl: * turns around* *hits boyfriend* What the hell Bryan!?

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More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history?

Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history? Hitler

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More jokes about: #Funny #Racial
Q: What do you call a famous fish?

Q: What do you call a famous fish? A: A star fish.

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
A plane is about to crash and on it there is a Blonde, Micheal Jackson, a school-boy and the pilot.

A plane is about to crash and on it there is a Blonde, Micheal Jackson, a school-boy and the pilot. There are only 3 parachutes. MJ takes one a screams i'm too famous to die, and jumps. then goes the blonde who says she's too pretty to die, and then the pilot says, "its ok, you can live you life" to the school-boy, but then the kid says "it's ok, the blonde took my school-bag"

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More jokes about: #Funny #Blonde
2016 is when the most famous celebrities are dying.

2016 is when the most famous celebrities are dying. Why can't it be Donald Trump

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More jokes about: #Funny #Celebrity
Q: Who is the most famous comedian in the Bible?

Q: Who is the most famous comedian in the Bible? A: Samson, because he brought the house down.

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More jokes about: #Religious jokes
An Englishman is visiting Ireland for the first time...

An Englishman is visiting Ireland for the first time...

o take me to kiss this famous Blarney's Stone I've heard so much about."

There's a small stir in the bar as every Irishman scowls at him, until one man stands up. The huge, red-bearded man walks over to the Englishman, towering over him by a full foot.

He says, "Aye, I'll take ye to the Blarney Stone, but there's something you missed."

"And what might that be?" the Englishman replies.

"Ye see, there's two Blarney stones." the Irishman tells him.

The Englishman, slightly peeved at this insight, sighs to him, "Well I don't care, I just want to kiss one."

"Well alright," the Irishman replies as he drops his pants, "I'm Blarney. Kiss one."

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More jokes about: #Insight #Cork #Blarney
I can't believe Prince Harry, who's British royalty, is marrying African American actress Meghan Markle. Why would someone that rich and famous marry an obviously inferior genetic specimen? It's just unthinkable.

I can't believe Prince Harry, who's British royalty, is marrying African American actress Meghan Markle. Why would someone that rich and famous marry an obviously inferior genetic specimen? It's just unthinkable.

Though I suppose if Meghan wants to marry a ginger, it's none of my business.

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There was a shaman famous for transferring illness from others to himself.

There was a shaman famous for transferring illness from others to himself.

mly: "I shit. You not."

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More jokes about: #Issues #Gastrointestinal
25 years married, and not a single argument.

25 years married, and not a single argument.

Recently in Bangalore a couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary...They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their 25 years of married life. Media gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their happy going marriage.NDTV corespondent wa... read more

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More jokes about: #Revolver #Ding
Jesus and Moses are playing a round of golf at a club famous for it's floating green.

Jesus and Moses are playing a round of golf at a club famous for it's floating green.

When approaching the tee box Moses reminds Jesus that he never makes the green and he should just lay it up for the easy chip. Jesus replies, "Arnold Palmer drives this green, so can I." Sure enough, plop in the water goes Jesus's ball. Moses being nice, parts the water and retrieves the bal... read more

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More jokes about: #Fetch #Moses #Incense #Floating
The female skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo)...

The female skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo)...The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,"Picabo, ICU..."

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More jokes about: #Doctor
What happens when you try to remove a video of yourself from the internet?.

What happens when you try to remove a video of yourself from the internet?.

You become a famous Singer.

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More jokes about: #Singer #Video
Tony did all he could to avoid maths & decided to study Botany.

Tony did all he could to avoid maths decided to study Botany.

He later became famous for discovering that discarded tree trunks emit a regular pattern of sounds is now focused on calculating the sounds. After avoiding maths, he still ended up in a career solving Log rhythms

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More jokes about: #Discarded #Discard
"I know everybody!"

"I know everybody!".

they hop in a plane and fly to Medina, Washington and drive to Bill Gates' house.

When they arrive at the front gate, a little screen activates and Bill's face shows up on the screen."

"Bob! It's great to see you again! Please come inside!"

After having lunch with Bill Gates, Jeff still doesn't believe Bob.

"I'm calling bullshit. You knowing Bill Gates was a lucky strike. There's no way you know Obama."

"Let's go say hello, shall we?"

Once again, the two men get into a plane and fly to the White House, where they are greeted by Barack Obama.

"Hi, Bob! How are you? It's been too long."

Bob and Jeff proceeded to have a wonderful dinner with Obama.

After they left, Jeff looked over at Bob.

"I'm amazed, but I'm absolutely sure that you don't know Queen Elizabeth."

"Actually, I was planning on seeing her soon anyway." Bob replies, and as you can probably guess, they got into a plane and flew to London, England.

When they arrived at Buckingham Palace, there was a huge crowd around the stage where Queen Elizabeth does her famous wave.

"Man, she's never going to see me in this crowd!" Bob whined.

"Tell you what," he says as he turns to Jeff, "I'll get into the Palace, and I'll go up on stage with her. That'll prove I know her."

"Fine," Jeff says.

Bob went into the palace, and Jeff waited in this huge crowd for a few minutes. Then, the Queen walked up with Bob and they did the famous wave.

When Bob came back into the crowd, he could see an ambulance with Jeff on a stretcher.

"Jeff!" Bob shouted, "What happened?"

Jeff looked up at Bob and said "When I saw you up on the stage, I was pretty impressed. Then, I passed out when the guy next to me said 'Hey, who's that lady up there with Bob?'"

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More jokes about: #Palace #Medina #Whine
Love.

Love.

The famous Greek shipowner, Ori Oristotle, was having a house built on a large piece of land in Greece. He said to the architect, "Don't disturb that tree over there, because directly under that tree is where I had my first love.""How sentimental, Mr. Oristotle," said the architect ... read more

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More jokes about: #Sentiment #Ori #Oris
Famous people and their mothers.

Famous people and their mothers.

*Issac Newton's mother--* "But did you wash the apple before eating it?"*Archimedes's mother--* "Didn't you have any shame running naked in the street from? And, WHO is this girl Eureka???”*Thomas Edison's mother--* Of course I am proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now tu... read more

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