Best 2325 Food Jokes and Puns

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

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A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."

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A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?"

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

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More jokes about: #Food jokes #Family jokes
How do you starve a black person?

How do you starve a black person? Put their food stamp card under their workboots!

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A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an asshole!

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When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive...

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

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Q: What do you call stoned Mexicans?

Q: What do you call stoned Mexicans? A: Baked beans.

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A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

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Q: What do you call a baptized Mexican?

Q: What do you call a baptized Mexican? A: Bean dip.

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My friend thinks he is smart.

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

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Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days.

Two guys are walking through a game park they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."

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More jokes about: #Religious jokes
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!

Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!

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More jokes about: #Food jokes
Q.

Q: How much room is needed for fungi to grow?A. As mushroom as possible

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Yo mama so fat the bears have to hide their food from her when she goes camping.

Yo mama so fat the bears have to hide their food from her when she goes camping.

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An Italian mother says, "If you don't eat all the food on this plate, I'll kill you."

An Italian mother says, "If you don't eat all the food on this plate, I'll kill you." A Jewish mother says, "If you don't eat all the food on this plate, I'll kill myself."

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a wedding cake.

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More jokes about: #Sexist jokes #Popular jokes
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

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A black guy, a white guy, and a mexican guy are stranded in the middle of a desert.

A black guy, a white guy, and a mexican guy are stranded in the middle of a desert. After many days of not finding food, water, or shelter they contemplate cannibalism to survive, but can't decide who to eat. The mexican dies first for an unrelated reason

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Q: Why do the French eat snails?

Q: Why do the French eat snails?A: They don't like fast food.

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There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl.

There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies.

When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke. She said sure, so he went to the restroom. The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the food, and went back into the theatre.

When the movie was over, he goes to the bathroom again, still with a tremondously long line. So he figures he can wait until he drops her off.

When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, ''Oh goodie. My grandparents are here. Come on in and meet them.''

He agrees, although his A-hole is about to cry at this point.

They go in and sit down at the table. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time. As he squeezed out a toxic blast, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the horrendous fart. The girl's father stands up and hollers ''Duke!!'' and sits back down.

''Great!'' he thought. ''They really think it's the dog!'' So, he starts bombarding the room with a couple, more powerful, louder stinkers.

Once again, the girl's father stands up, shouts ''Duke!!'' and sits back down.

Finally, he lets it all go and the loudest most hair-curling fart you've ever heard or smelt rippled through the dining room. The girl's father stands up again. ''Duke, get the hell out from under him before he shits on you!!''

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