Best 92 Francis Jokes and Puns

A Jesuit and a Franciscan were involved in a car accident...

A Jesuit and a Franciscan were involved in a car accident...

tiff drink." At that he produced a flask, and the Franciscan, who was indeed a bit shaken up, took it gratefully.

"One more and I'm sure you'll be feeling fine," the Jesuit said, and the Franciscan took another. Then the Jesuit took the flask and put it safely away.

"You look a bit shaken up yourself," the Franciscan said. "Are you sure you don't want to take a bit?"

The Jesuit replied, "Oh, I certainly will; but I think I'll wait until after the police arrive."

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4 Catholic men and a women were having coffee in St. Francis Square.

4 Catholic men and a women were having coffee in St. Francis Square.

into the room, people call him "Your Eminence"".

The fourth one, with pride, says "Well, my son is a Pope. When he walks into a room, people call him "Your Holiness"".

The lone woman was sipping her coffee in silence. The four men broke it with a subtle "Well....?"

She proudly replies "I have a daughter. Slim, tall,

38D -24 - 36.

When she walks into the room, people say

Jeeeeeesssssuuusssssss!"

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Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee looks larger the closer it gets...

Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee looks larger the closer it gets...

..then it hit me.Not my original joke, by Stewart Francis

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Sunday School.

Sunday School.

Sister Mary Francis asked each of her young charges to tell the class what they want to do when they grow up.

Johnny says "I'm going to be a policeman." "Very good," say Sister Mary Francis.

Peter says "I'm going to be a fireman." "Very nice," says the nun.

Then Mary stands up, and says "I'm going to be a prostitute!" Sister Mary Francis turned pale. The room fell silent. The Sister said sternly "What did you say, Mary??" Beligerantly, Mary stuck out her chin and again, in a clear voice, said "I'm going to be a prostitute!!"

"Oh thank heavens," said the nun. I thought you said you were going to be a protestant!!"

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Pope Benedict and Pope Francis are about to watch the World Cup Final...

Pope Benedict and Pope Francis are about to watch the World Cup Final...

Francis says, "sorry, but I spoke to Jesus last night and he said he'd do all he can to help Argentina win." Benedict says, "that's too bad, I spoke to Satan and he said he'd do everything he can to help Germany win." The game starts, and Francis says, "is that referee Italian?" Benedict says, "Yep. Hail Satan."

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I found out the other day my sister was arrested for bestiality.

I found out the other day my sister was arrested for bestiality.

Well, just call me a monkey's uncle....Credit to Stewart Francis

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My neighbour holds the world record for most concussions...

My neighbour holds the world record for most concussions...

He lives just a stone's throw awayCredit to Stewart Francis

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World-wide known John.

World-wide known John.

lients who were here for the first time they all know you?'. 'Well boss..', he replied 'I'm worldwide known and everyone knows who I am'. 'This is some damn joke' boss thinks 'but let's check this out'. 'If it's true you will get a promotion but if it's not you will clean my office for a week, deal?'. 'Ok, boss' John replied. Few seconds later boss said 'I'm sure you have not met Arnold Schwarzeneger so we go to California and see if you are telling the truth'. After a short fly and taxi drive they visited California's governor - Arnold Schwarzeneger. 'Hello John, high five, how are you? When was the last time you were here?' 'Who knows Arnie, 2 years maybe?' Boss was shocked. After a while he said to John 'Well, you might know him but I'm 100% sure you do not know Lionel Messi'. John replied 'He's my longtime buddy'. So to check if this is truth they took a flight to Barcelona, Spain. Flight was few hours longer then before but they reached the Camp Nou stadium where players had their training. 'Sup Leo, we have not had any sparring last time, have we?' asked John and they had one hour talk about their relationship. 'Damn you John. Last person. I'm positive you do not know current Pope - Francis. 'Boss, let's fly to Vatican and you will see on your own eyes'. After reaching St Peter's Square John said to his boss 'I'm going inside and after 20 minutes me and Pope will wave at you from the balcony'. John did as he had promised. When he was going back he saw an ambulance and his boss inside. 'Boss, what happened?!' he asked. 'John...' he barely said. 'I can believe that you know Arnold Schwarzeneger. Hell, I can even stand that you and Messi play football together. But when some 10-year old boy came when you were on the balcony with Pope and asked 'Who the fuck is that old geezer standing next to John?!' my heart couldn't take it'.

English is not my native but I hope you all get it.

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Just got yet another email from the patron saint of copying people in.

Just got yet another email from the patron saint of copying people in.

I should never have given my email address to St Francis of a CC

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The story of Tym.

The story of Tym.

>

Tym goes,

"Oh yeah, I know Lebron, we played basketball together in high school."

So to prove it, Tym and his boss go to Lebron's house and knock on the door.

Lebron opens the door,

"Tym, how have you been? I haven't seen you since highschool!"

Now the boss is confused and asks Tym if he knows the president.

Tym says, "Yeah I know Donald, we played basketball together in high school"

So they go to the white house and hop the fence, SWAT teams storm the two of them and are about to tackle them to the ground when the president comes out and says,

"WAIT, what are you guys doing? That's Tym"

After catching up over some covfefe, the Boss thinks hard and gives Tym a final test,

"Ok, I'm sure you don't know The Pope."

Tym goes,

"Yeah I know Francis, we played basketball together in college."

So they go to the Vatican and there is a huge crowd so Tym tells his boss,

"You stay here, I will go inside and come out onto the balcony holding hands with the Pope."

5 minutes later, Tym walks out to the people, hand in hand with the Pope but they see another crowd forming in the middle of the audience.

Tym goes over and finds that his boss has suffered a heart attack. Tym asks,

"What happened boss? I told you I knew everyone."

The boss goes,

"I saw you with the pope, but then this guy next to me said, 'who's that up there with Tym?"

The story of Tym

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The first zebra.

The first zebra.

d "Jesus said you are what you are, I still don't know if I am black or white" Moses replied "go to Francis he knows alot about animals" so he goes to Francis and says " am I black or white Jesus said you are what you are I still don't know what I am" Francis said " you are white if you were black he would of said you is what you is"

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Why Islam is growing rapidly !!!

Why Islam is growing rapidly !!!.

Father Francis of Bradford was unhappy that the church attendance had steadily declined in the past few years but the mosque across the street was jampacked every Friday.

So he invited the imam for a cup of tea and then finally brought up the topic

Imam :So tell me,what happens if a man visits church every Sunday and follows the word of Jesus

Father: He will go to heaven after he dies

Imam: What will he get there?

Father: He will forever be in the company of Father,Jesus,Holy Spirit,Virgin Mary...

Imam: Thats the problem, Only One Virgin...

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Sister Mary Francis won the contest but I was runner-up...

Sister Mary Francis won the contest but I was runner-up...

Technically, I'm second to nun.

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Pope Francis warns the public about the evils of Horoscope readings...

Pope Francis warns the public about the evils of Horoscope readings...

Born: December 17, "Your ideas are abstract and don't always make reasonable sense."

What a Sagittarius thing to say...

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Who is the patron saint of security cameras?.

Who is the patron saint of security cameras?.

St Francis of a CCTV

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2 nuns on the highway.

2 nuns on the highway.

Mother Superior and Sister Caroline are driving on the highway on their way to a wedding. Mother Superior is behind the wheel while Sr. Caroline is riding passenger and yacking on and on about her favorite scriptures, the Blessed Mother, Pope Francis, and so on... Out of nowhere, a terrible ... read more

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Recently in court, I was found guilty of being egotistical.

Recently in court, I was found guilty of being egotistical.

I am appealing(-Stewart Francis)

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I'm going over to give a large donation to rape victims...

I'm going over to give a large donation to rape victims...

... and I won't take no for an answer.

(Stewart Francis)

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"There are three kinds of sex...".

"There are three kinds of sex...".

"There's homosexual sex, for people who have sex at home, bisexual, for people who buy sex, and there's trisexual

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Effective weight loss program.

Effective weight loss program.

tative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb. as promised. He then calls the company and orders their 5-day, 20 lb. program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you can catch me you can have me."

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot! This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him quite a while to catch her but when he does, it's definitely worth every muscle cramp and wheeze. So for the next four days the same routine happens. Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has lost another 20 lb. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day 50 lb. program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds this huge, muscular, 7ft man standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "I'm Francis. If I catch you, you're mine...".

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