Best 10000+ Gots Jokes and Puns

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

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An Irishman, an Indian man, a British man, and a Scottish man are riding in a plane.

An Irishman, an Indian man, a British man, and a Scottish man are riding in a plane. The pilot shouts back, "We need to lose some weight or we'll crash!" So the Irishman throws out some beer and saying, "We got enough of that in our country." The Indian throws out some curry and says, "We got enough off that in our country." The Scottish man throws some bagpipes off and says, "We got enough of that in our country." Then the British man picks up the Indian and chucks him off the plane saying, "We got enough off them that in our country."

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Yo momma so stupid she stuck a battery up her ass and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"

Yo momma so stupid she stuck a battery up her ass and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"

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Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven."Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven."Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Six."Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven!"Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

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There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette.

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

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More jokes about: #Blonde jokes
I believe i can flyyy

i believe i can flyyy

got shot by the pizza guyyy

all i wanted was some onion ringggss

from McDonald's or Burgerkinggg

I believe i can soarrrr

mom slapped me in the grocery storeee

Even though im 24 I still got an imaginary dinosoarrrrr

I believe i can falllll I tripped on a bouncey ballll

Thought id post this funny jokes. Even though i got no votes.

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Yo momma's so fat, that when she went to the zoo, the hippos got jealous.

Yo momma's so fat, that when she went to the zoo, the hippos got jealous.

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There was a redneckwho hit every black man he saw with his truck.

There was a redneckwho hit every black man he saw with his truck. One day he saw a priest walking down the road and thought, "For all the bad things I done, let me give this priest a ride." So he picked the priest up and they drove along. The redneck saw a black guy down the road and decided he would pretend to fall asleep and so the priest would think it was an accident. The redneck closed his eyes and heard a loud bang. "What happened?" he asked. "You missed him," the priest said, "but I got him with the door."

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A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

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Yo momma's so fat, she got baptized at Sea World.

Yo momma's so fat, she got baptized at Sea World.

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Me: Mum i got a detention today

Me: Mum i got a detention today

Mum: Why!

Me: Well the teacher pointed the ruler at me and said "at the end of this ruler is a idiot".

Mum: Yeah so

Me: I asked what end.

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More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes.

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals."

One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered.

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Funny ways to answer the phone

Funny ways to answer the phone

1) Johns white house,you got the dough, we got the hoe

2) Hello Immigration service, you report em' we deport em

3) Jim's abortion clinic you rape em we scrape em

4) Westroad sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it

5) Sawyers sperm bank you jack it we back it

6) hello children's hospital,you beat em we treat em

7) chucks disposable dildos fuc em suc em and Chuck em

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Boy texted his dad saying

Boy texted his dad saying

Boy:I got expelled

Dad: WHAT WHY

Boy: cos we had this lesson about bulling and the teacher said sticks and stones may break my bone but words will never hurt me

Dad: and

Boy: so I threw a book at her face and it broke her nose

Dad : lol that's my boy

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A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck.

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

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More jokes about: #Religious jokes
Bob was in trouble.

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

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Yo mama so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

Yo mama so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

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Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve.

Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve. Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.

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A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."

The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use three english words in a sentence. The three words are 'green,' 'pink,' and 'yellow.'"

The Mexican man thinks , then says, "Hmmm, okay. The phone, it went green, green, green. I pink it up and sez yellow?"

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I was walking down the street and I punched of a white guy and then I was arrested for assault.

I was walking down the street and I punched of a white guy and then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

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More jokes about: #Political jokes