Best 10000+ Guitar like Jokes and Puns

Do not be racist; be like Mario.

Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

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I know 10 facts about you:

I know 10 facts about you:

Fact 1: You are reading this.

Fact 2: You can't say the letter 'm' without touching your lips.

Fact 3: You just tried it.

Fact 4: You're smiling.

Fact 6: You're smiling or laughing again.

Fact 7: You didn't notice I missed fact 5.

Fact 8: You just checked it.

Fact 9: You're smiling again.

Fact 10: You like this and you're going to rate or comment. :)

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More jokes about: #Funny
Roses are red.

Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.

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More jokes about: #Insult jokes
After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school.

After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, "I had sex with my teacher." She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son's room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, "I had sex with my teacher." The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, "No thanks Dad, my butt still hurts."

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More jokes about: #School jokes
Rate kickass button if you like boobs!

Rate kickass button if you like boobs!

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More jokes about: #Funny
Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?

Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?

A: Red paint.

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More jokes about: #Quotes
A guy walks into a bar with an alligator.

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."

The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."

He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"

The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
My friend: Your dick is probably like a tic tac.

My friend: Your dick is probably like a tic tac.

Me: No wonder your moms mouth is so fresh.

Class: OOOOHHHHHH!!!

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More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

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More jokes about: #Blonde jokes
Twinkle Twinkle little slut

Twinkle Twinkle little slut

Name a guy you haven't f*cked

Was he skinny, was he tall

Nevermind you did them all

Twinkle Twinkle little b*tch

Close your legs it smells like fish

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More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

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More jokes about: #Insult jokes
I was in in the public restroom

I was in in the public restroom

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall:

"Hi, how are you?"

Me: (embarrassed) "Doin' fine!"

Stall: "So what are you up to?"

Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."

Stall: "Can I come over?"

Me: (attitude) "No, I'm a little busy right now!!"

Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!

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More jokes about: #Funny
When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation.

When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation.

I almost died in Finding Nemo.

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More jokes about: #Funny
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?"

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

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More jokes about: #Food jokes #Family jokes
Teacher- Did you do your homework?

Teacher- Did you do your homework?

Student - Did you grade my test?

Teacher - I have other students' tests to grade.

Student - I have other teachers' homework to do.

#LIKE A BOSS

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More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
Can you see the the mistake?

Can you see the the mistake?

10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

Like if you found it ;)

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More jokes about: #Funny
A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor.

A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the two were having sex and found themselves in the 69 position. The man felt the urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day he went back to the doctor who asked how it went. The man answered, "Not well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit three inches off my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air."

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'

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More jokes about: #Funny #Tree #Quotes #Stupid #Top #100
Do not be racist , be like Mario.

Do not be racist , be like Mario. He's an italian plumber, made by Japanese people, who speaks english, looks like a mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a jew!

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More jokes about: #Funny #Racial