Best 734 H Jokes and Puns

Me: I bet you can't say the alphabet faster than me.

Me: I bet you can't say the alphabet faster than me.

Friend: challenge accepted A B C D E F G H I....

Me: the alphabet

Friend: you son of a b*tch...

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More jokes about: #Funny
Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?"

Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?" Student: "HIJKLMNO." Teacher: "What are you talking about?" Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
One day at school, little Jimmy needed to go to the restroom so he raised his hand.

One day at school, little Jimmy needed to go to the restroom so he raised his hand. The strict substitute teacher asked him to say the full alphabet before she would let him go. "But Miss, I am bursting to go," said Jimmy. "You may go, but after you say the full alphabet." "A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z," he said. Catching his mistake, the substitute asked, "Jimmy, where is the 'P?'" He answered, "Halfway down my legs, Miss."

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Girl: You're stupid!

Girl: You're stupid!

Boy:No I'm not!

Girl: okay then sing the alphabet!

Boy Ok here it is a,b,c,e,f,g,h,I,j,k,l,m,n,o,p,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z. Done!

Girl: you missed out a letter!

Boy: I know I'll give you the d later...

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
An English teacher told his students that when pronouncing a word beginning with the letter "H" they should ignore the "H" as in hour, honor, and honest.

An English teacher told his students that when pronouncing a word beginning with the letter "H" they should ignore the "H" as in hour, honor, and honest. That day when leaving for class, he left a note for his assistant, "Please heat my rice for me." When the teacher returned to his office, he met an empty bowl. He asked the assistant, "Where is my food?" The assistant replied, "You said I should heat the rice for you, but you also instructed us to ignored the 'H.'"

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Me: Can I go to the restroom?

Me: Can I go to the restroom?

Teacher: Say the alphabet first.

Me: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O - Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Teacher: Wheres the P?

Me: Running down my leg.

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
My mum never realised the irony when she called me son-of-a-bit*h

My mum never realised the irony when she called me son-of-a-bit*h

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More jokes about: #Funny
A scientist turns up a bottle then immediately spits the contents across the room.

A scientist turns up a bottle then immediately spits the contents across the room.

You said that was water! It tastes like fucking peroxide!You asked what I was drinking I said H^(2)O. Then you asked what was in that bottle and I said ," That's H^(2)O^(2)'

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The Good Date Potato Pancake Joke.

The Good Date Potato Pancake Joke.

Was recently told this joke by my professor.A boy is going on a date. Nervous, he asks the father for tips. The father runs the basics down and stresses one thing. "Now son, there are only three things you can talk about : Food, Family and Philosophy".The boy has no reason to doubt h... read more

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More jokes about: #Tension
Man and wife visit the super bull farm.

Man and wife visit the super bull farm.

They are shown round the prize bulls. The manager shows them a great strapping beast.. this one is our gold medal bull he mates without fail every three days. The wife is impressed and nudges hubby.. nodding approvingly. They move on and next the manager shows them the double gold medal bull. H... read more

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More jokes about: #Sideways
Elsie.

Elsie.

Jim moved from the big city to a small town. After a couple of days, Jim realized that he'd barely seen any women in the town.Jim went to the bar after work one day and sat down next to a local. "I just moved into town a few days ago," Jim told the man, "and I've barely seen a single woman h... read more

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More jokes about: #Amidst #Big #City
A man walked into a tuxedo store...

A man walked into a tuxedo store...

A man walked into a tuxedo store, looking to buy a suit for an upcoming party. A saleswoman walked over to assist him.“Hello sir, how may I help you?” she asked.“I’m looking for a tuxedo,” he replied.The saleswoman then brought over a few suits to offer to the man. “H... read more

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More jokes about: #Grey #Recoil #Upcoming #Rising
(NSFW) Ther Hunter.

(NSFW) Ther Hunter.

Jim and Carl are sitting up their post. Jim looks through his finder for a moment. Then he asks: "Carl, what would you do if your wife cheated on you?"Carl: "I'd shoot her in the head."Jim: "what would you do with her lover?"Carl: "I'd shoot his balls off"Jim looks at Carl: "If you h... read more

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More jokes about: #Finder
Superman's extended family.

Superman's extended family.

Many of you know Kal-El (superman) and his father Zor-El, even his cousin supergirl.Did you know he has several other loosely related relatives that also traveled to earth as infants and were raised here? Here are a few.1) he has a cousin that was raised in Mexico, hardworking guy. H... read more

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More jokes about: #Litres #Superman #Soak #Up #Supergirl
Teacher asks Little Johnny A Question..

Teacher asks Little Johnny A Question..

Teacher: "OK class, who will give me the chemical formula for water?"

Johnny: "HIJKLMNO."

Teacher: "What on earth are you on about?"

Johnny: "Well you said yourself yesterday it was H to O!"

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More jokes about: #Chemical
Stutter.

Stutter.

An old man walks up to a kid waiting at a bus stop. He says to the boy h-how d-d-do I g-get t-to high st-street? The boy looks at him but doesn't answer. The old man asks the boy a second time, and no answer. By this time, another man came by the bus stop, and gave the directions. Knowing the boy as being a local kid, he says to him "why didn't you give that man directions? Your local you know where it is." The boy replied "d-did you t-think I-I w-wanted m-m-my a-ass k-k-kicked?

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More jokes about: #Bus #Stop
Three men are driving in a car when it breaks down on an abandoned road.

Three men are driving in a car when it breaks down on an abandoned road.

A Hindu man, a Jewish man, and a Polish man. After walking for a few miles, they come across a farm with a barn. Desperately seeking a place to sleep for the night, they knock on the door and ask the farmer if they can sleep in the barn.The farmer says it's OK as long as they don't disturb h... read more

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More jokes about: #Sacred
A doctor has three patients lined up for breast exams...

A doctor has three patients lined up for breast exams...

The first comes in and takes her shirt off. The doctor sees a red letter "H" on her chest and asks what it is. She tells him "My boyfriend goes to Harvard and is so proud he keeps his sweatshirt on during sex and the ink runs."

The next woman enters and disrobes, and there is a blue "Y" on her body. The doctor asks and she tells him how her boyfriend goes to Yale and is so proud he won't take his sweatshirt off, even during sex, and the sweat caused a stain.

His last patient comes in, and she has a red "M" on her chest. The doctor thinks this new phenomenon is strange, but he knows a pattern when he sees it. He says to her, "Let me guess, you have a boyfriend that goes to Maryland, right?" "No," she replies, "I have a girlfriend that goes to Wisconsin, why?"

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More jokes about: #Lined #Harvard
Fat Girl: lol I hate the gym so much

Fat Girl: lol I hate the gym so much

Guy: Did you mean to put a 'h' there?

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More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
A guy walks into a jazz bar with an octopus on his shoulder.

A guy walks into a jazz bar with an octopus on his shoulder.

He orders a couple of beers, and after a few moments the bartender, head cocked, says, "Buddy, I don't mean to be coarse, but what's with the octopus?""This octopus?" the guy begins, thumbing at his octopodine companion, "Oh this guy is a musical virtuoso. He'd play any instrument you have h... read more

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