Best 10000+ Heaven all night Jokes and Puns

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

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A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

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Police: Where do u live?

Police: Where do u live?

Me: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live?

Me: With Me.

Police: Where do you all live?

Me: Together.

Police: Where is your house?

Me: Next to my neighbors house.

Police: Where is your neighbors house?

Me: You won't believe me if I tell you.

Police: Tell Me!

Me: Next to my house.

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Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

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There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette.

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

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I believe i can flyyy

i believe i can flyyy

got shot by the pizza guyyy

all i wanted was some onion ringggss

from McDonald's or Burgerkinggg

I believe i can soarrrr

mom slapped me in the grocery storeee

Even though im 24 I still got an imaginary dinosoarrrrr

I believe i can falllll I tripped on a bouncey ballll

Thought id post this funny jokes. Even though i got no votes.

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There was a redneckwho hit every black man he saw with his truck.

There was a redneckwho hit every black man he saw with his truck. One day he saw a priest walking down the road and thought, "For all the bad things I done, let me give this priest a ride." So he picked the priest up and they drove along. The redneck saw a black guy down the road and decided he would pretend to fall asleep and so the priest would think it was an accident. The redneck closed his eyes and heard a loud bang. "What happened?" he asked. "You missed him," the priest said, "but I got him with the door."

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Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class.

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

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A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

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A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

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Twinkle Twinkle little slut

Twinkle Twinkle little slut

Name a guy you haven't f*cked

Was he skinny, was he tall

Nevermind you did them all

Twinkle Twinkle little b*tch

Close your legs it smells like fish

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Q: How does a black girl tell if she is pregnant?

Q: How does a black girl tell if she is pregnant? A: When she pulls the tampon out all the cotton is picked.

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Mexico doesn't win Olympic medals because all the best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in America.

Mexico doesn't win Olympic medals because all the best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in America.

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Why did so many black men get killed in Vietnam?

Why did so many black men get killed in Vietnam?

When the generals would yell, "Get down!" they would all start dancing.

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I was in in the public restroom

I was in in the public restroom

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall:

"Hi, how are you?"

Me: (embarrassed) "Doin' fine!"

Stall: "So what are you up to?"

Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."

Stall: "Can I come over?"

Me: (attitude) "No, I'm a little busy right now!!"

Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!

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Tough guy: I can't believe your still a Virgin!

Tough guy: I can't believe your still a Virgin! HAHAHAHA

Other Guy: I was a Virgin until last night

Tough guy: As if!

Other guy: Yeah man just ask your sister

Tough Guy: I don't have a sister???

Other Guy: You will in about 9 months

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A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."

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There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes.

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals."

One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered.

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A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck.

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

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There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane.

There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.

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