Best 116 Hitchhiker Jokes and Puns

That awkward moment when a rapist picks up a hitchhiking serial killer.

That awkward moment when a rapist picks up a hitchhiking serial killer.

Killer: "Turn down that dark road down there."

Rapist: "I was planning on it..."

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The truck driver stopped to picked up the girl hitchhiker in short shorts.

The truck driver stopped to picked up the girl hitchhiker in short shorts. "Say, what's your name, mister? " she inquired, after she climbed up in the truck. "It's Snow, Roy Snow," he answered, "and what's yours? "I'm June, June Hansen," she said. "Hey, why do you keep sizing me up with those sidelong glances? " she challenged the trucker some miles down the road. "Can you imagine what it might be like," he countered with a question of his own, "Having eight inches of Snow in June? "

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A truck driver was driving between towns on a country road when he spotted a gorgeous blonde hitchhiking.

A truck driver was driving between towns on a country road when he spotted a gorgeous blonde hitchhiking. He stopped without hesitation and she climbed into the cab showing mountains of cleavage. Two miles further down the road, he got a flat, pulled to the side of the road and got out to inspect the tire. He was fiddling around with the wheel, when the blonde opened the window and shouted down, "Do you want a screwdriver?" The driver replied, all smiles, "Might as well. I can't get this fucking hub cap off."

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes #Blonde jokes
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble.

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home. He offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc...

The cabbie said, ''If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!''

So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.

The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, ''How much for a ride to the airport,'' he asked?

''Fifteen bucks,'' came the reply.

''And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?''

''What?! Get the hell out of my cab.''

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, ''How much for a ride to the airport?''

The cabbie replied, ''Fifteen bucks.''

The businessman said, ''OK,'' and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each of the other drivers.

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A Canadian man went hitchhiking in Italy.

A Canadian man went hitchhiking in Italy.

He wandered aboot for three weeks.

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An out of state traveler was walking along the side of the road hitchhiking on a dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm.

An out of state traveler was walking along the side of the road hitchhiking on a dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm.

Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could barley see his hand in front of his face.Suddenly he saw a car approaching, moving slowly and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped.Wanting a ride very badly, the gu... read more

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Racist in the deep south.

Racist in the deep south.

There was a racist in the south who would often see minority hitchhikers walking alongside the road. Everytime, he would feel compelled to try to run them over.

One day he was driving and saw a hitchhiker. He was getting excited at the possibility of a good hit, and then he realized it was white pastor. He felt ashamed that he had almost hit him that he just had to pick him up.

So the pastor gets in and they get going again. The racist says, "Father, I must admit, I almost ran you over, and its because I have an urge which you might not agree with.

The pastor says, "why, whatever do you mean, my child?"

Just then, a hitchhiker is seen coming up the road, and the racist says, "oh god, its a negro, I am sorry Father, I have to do this."

The racist revs up and is barreling down the road. The hitchhiker jumps out of the way, just barely missing the front right wheel. "DAMMIT!"

The pastor exclaims, "Don't worry, I hit him with the door!"

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Policeman stops car on highway...

Policeman stops car on highway...

Only to see dog behind the wheel with man sitting next to him.

"You can't just let your dog drive your car!" says policeman

"I can't really say anything sir, I'm just an hitchhiker"

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A Young man was hitchhiking through the countryside...

A Young man was hitchhiking through the countryside...

..when it began to get dark. In the distance he could see what looked like a farmyard barn with the windows lit. After trudging across a field in the now pitch-black night, he reached the small red building. After knocking on the door a few times there was no answer, so he decided to go insi... read more

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More jokes about: #Intimacy #Trudging
A man is on the side of the road hitchhiking.

A man is on the side of the road hitchhiking.

Two truckers stop and pick him up.

They're driving along and the trucker driving farts. It's completely silent. Then the trucker sitting next to him farts, and it makes no sound at all. The hitchhiker farts, and it's loud enough to shake the whole cab.

Both the truckers turn and yell "virgin!"

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Joke Archeology -- who's heard an older version of this often recycled joke?.

Joke Archeology -- who's heard an older version of this often recycled joke?.

I heard this one the first time back in the early 70's. Richard Nixon and Henry Kissinger were giving a young hippie hitchhiker a ride home in Air Force One from the Camp David Area, they started having engine trouble, unfortunately there were only four parachutes and the drafted pilots ju... read more

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One of my black friends told me this, and I didn't know if I should laugh: What do you call a black hitchhiker?.

One of my black friends told me this, and I didn't know if I should laugh: What do you call a black hitchhiker?.

Stranded

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The Hitchhiker.

The Hitchhiker.

A man is driving across the state to see his wife when he sees a Native American hitchhiker on the side of the road. Thinking he could do with some company, he pulls over and lets the man in, offering him a ride home.The Native man is grateful, but our driver notices that he keeps eyeing the... read more

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Cowboy and a Priest.

Cowboy and a Priest.

lls over and lets the priest in the car. "Thank you son, it sure is a long way back to the monastery from here" So the two of them continue down the road making small talk, when the cowboy sees another hitchhiker up the road but this one is a black guy. "Hmmmm" thinks the cowboy "I can't ignore someone in need with a priest in the car, but there's no way I'm giving that black guy a ride. I know... Ill pretend to fall asleep, drift to the side and run his ass over. It'll all look like an accident!" So the cowboy pretends to nod off at just the right time, and all of a sudden he hears a THUMP! "Oh my gosh, did I just hit that poor black man!?" the cowboy exclaimed. "No" said the priest, "you missed his black ass, but luckily I got him with the door"

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The Native American Hitchhiker.

The Native American Hitchhiker.

>A bit startled, the man says “Thank you, I got it for my wife”.

The Chief replies “mmmm, good trade”.

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An old man walks into a confessional...

An old man walks into a confessional...

An old man walks into a confessional and says, " I'm 82 years old, have a wonderful wife of 60 years, many children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren. Yesterday I picked up 2 teenage girls hitchhiking, took them to a hotel, and made love to each of them 3 times.

Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"

Man: "What sins?"

Priest: "What kind of Catholic are you?"

Man: "I'm Jewish."

Priest: "Then why are you telling me this?"

Man: "I'm telling everybody!"

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What's the difference between a deer and a hitchhiker?.

What's the difference between a deer and a hitchhiker?.

i don't know I was going so fast

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The Hitchhiker.

The Hitchhiker.

large bottle of gin on the floor of the passenger seat. Not wanting the guy to get any ideas, he says "Ah, I got that bottle for my wife."

The Native man says nothing for a few moments, then softly replies

"Good trade."

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A truck driver named Bill is driving down a deserted Arizona highway...

A truck driver named Bill is driving down a deserted Arizona highway...

...and he sees a beautiful woman hitchhiking. He thought it was strange that she wasn't standing near a car, but he picks her up anyway. As they are about to drive away he asks her "what are you doing in the middle of nowhere?" She pulls a gun out of her purse and says "I am taking your truck, that ... read more

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A woman is driving late at night on a back road when she suddenly sees a hitchhiker wave her over...

A woman is driving late at night on a back road when she suddenly sees a hitchhiker wave her over...

The woman stops and let's the man in.The hitchhiker says, "Wow! I'm really surprised you stopped for me! I could be a serial killer for all you know."The woman giggles and says, "Nah, I figured you were probably an alright guy. After all, what are the chances of two serial killers en... read more

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