Patrick O'Reilly..

Patrick O'Reilly...

Patrick O’Reilly is at the pub one night when he climbs to feet: “I got one fer ya!” he says, “I got one!” The crowd quiets. “Here’s to spendin’ the rest o’ me life, lyin’ between the legs ‘o me wife!” It’s an easy audience, everyone’s half cut, and wouldn’t you know? He wins the prize for best toas... read more

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Patrick O'Reilly...

Patrick O'Reilly...

t of the night!

Another hour later, Patrick wobbles home and in the back door. He snaps a £50 note and presents it to his wife: “Cara, guess who won the prize fer the best toast o’ the night?”

“Oh, isn’t that lovely?” says Cara, “And what was this wonderful toast you made?”

“I said *Here’s to spendin’ the rest of me life, lyi– er, uh, settin’ in church beside me wife.*”

“That’s… nice, Patrick.” she says, looking puzzled.

Next day, she’s on High Street to get something nice for dinner with the wee bounty, when she runs smack into one of Patrick's drinking buddies. “Hey, Cara,” he says, leering, “Didja know Patrick won a prize with a toast about yer last night?”

“I know!” she says, “though I was a bit surprised meself. I mean, he’s only been there twice in four years, and the last time, I had to pull him by the ears to make him come!”

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A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home.

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home.

"Back in me pub in Glasgow," brags the Scotsman, "fer every four pints of stout I order, they give me one fer free!""In me pub in London," says the Englishman,"I pay fer two pint's o' Guiness and they give me a third one free!""That's nuthin'" says the Irishman, "Im my pub back in Du... read more

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A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home.

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home.

"Back in me pub in Glasgow," brags the Scotsman, "fer every four pints of stout I order, they give me one fer free!"

"In me pub in London," says the Englishman,"I pay fer two pint's o' Guiness and they give me a third one free!"

"That's nuthin'" says the Irishman, "Im my pub back in Dublin, you walk up to the bar, they give the first pint fer free, the second pint fer free, the third pint fer free -- and then they take you upstairs and you have sex for FREE!"

"Is that true?" asks the Scotsman. "Has that really happened to you?"

"Well, no," says the Irishman, "but it happens to me sister all the time!"

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Two blondes sitting in a bar.

Two blondes sitting in a bar.

One says to the other.“I’m getting married to an Irishman”“Oh, really?”“No, O’Reilly”

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The company that makes the Opera browser have asked Sir Patrick Stewart to redesign their logo.

The company that makes the Opera browser have asked Sir Patrick Stewart to redesign their logo.

They want him to make its O.

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Given that it be Talk Like A Pirate Day, I be havin' a story about me parrot!.

Given that it be Talk Like A Pirate Day, I be havin' a story about me parrot!.

Back when I were just a young sea-dog, I found meself sailin' under the iron grip o' Captain Nobeard. A fearsome pirate, was she, known fer cuttin' down anyone who crossed her!Well, being a new pirate, I figured I'd be needin' a parrot fer me shoulder. Picked one out, did I, in the first por... read more

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