A gang of cutlery users have turned every silent K in the world into an audible K

A gang of cutlery users have turned every silent K in the world into an audible K.

Those kniving bastards.

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Sweatpants—Warm.

Sweatpants—Warm. Resilient.

Covered in cookie crumbs. Babies—Adorable. Potty trained. With a nice crib. Knives—Easy to handle. Clean-cut. In the kitchen. Cheese—Sharp. Good with wine. Easily molded. Books—Novel. Unpredictable.

With a spine. Sara K. Runnels, from mcsweeneys.net

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One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting.

One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting. Later, he asked what "b*tch" and "bastard" mean. They explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman."

The next day, he overheard his parents having sex. He later asked what "penis" and "vagina" mean. His parents explained that they refer to "hats" and "coats."

At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger in the kitchen and yelled, "Oh f**k!" Little Johnny asked what that meant, and she said it means "cut."

A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. Little Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, "Hello b*tches and bastards! Hurry up with your penises and vaginas -- we can't wait to f**k the turkey!"

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A man is showing off his new apartment...

A man is showing off his new apartment...

k?" The friend asked

"Watch," said the man. He picked up the mallet and banged the gong as hard as he could, stepping back as the pound reverberated around the room.

The friends looked at the man, rather confused.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall started screaming "You bastard! It's 3 in the morning!"

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ISIS guy stopped the car of Christian couple.

ISIS guy stopped the car of Christian couple.

k that risk. If he knew you recited a verse from Bible he would have killed us.

Christian guy: Don't worry, if he knew Quran he wouldn't be member of ISIS.

_________________________

EDIT :

**Dein Beitrag wurde vergoldet!**

What does that mean? Oh! Thanks for the gold ( not sure if I should reveal the user name, I always see people write thanks for the gold stranger )

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A man had come back from his hunting trip in Africa.

A man had come back from his hunting trip in Africa. He Gloats to his friend about the Giant, silver back Gorilla he had spent the whole time tracking.

"All I had on me to kill it was my lucky Cricket Bat, my Hunting Rifle with only one bullet, and my two Hunting Knives" explained the man.

"Did you kill it in the end?" asked his friend.

"Sure did" Grinned the man. "It was quite tricky, but I did"

"How so?" said the friend.

"Well" he explained, "when I had finally found the beast, I first attempted to knock it out with my bat, but the brute snatched it out my hand, pushed me aside, and snapped it half. Angry at loss of my lucky bat, I preceded to load my one bullet into my rifle and fired at the animal, but the swift git was quick enough to dodge it. I was furious at this point, I threw my gun the floor, and in my rage I took out both of my knives and threw them at him, but the cheeky bastard managed to catch both of them in mid air"

This left the friend confused, so he finally asked the man "had did you manage to kill it then?"

"Well you see" explained the man "after it had caught my knives, it started to beat it's chests shouting AaaaaAAaaaaAAaaAAaaaa!"

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A boy and his mum go christmas shopping and they see two women having a fight, and their calling each other b*tches and bastards and dicks and vaginas.

A boy and his mum go christmas shopping and they see two women having a fight, and their calling each other b*tches and bastards and dicks and vaginas. when they get to the car the boy asks his mum what a b*tch and bastard is, so she replies well a b*tch is a girl and a bastards a boy. The boy then asks whats a dick and a vagina and she says a dick is a hat and a vaginas a coat. so they go home and the kid goes up stairs to the toilet and his dads shaving in the shower and he cuts himself and says shit! and the boy goes what's shit? then his dad says oh um, just a new type of shaving cream i'm using. then then kid goes downstairs where his mum accidenatally cuts herself cutting the turkey and she says f***k! so the boy asks what f*ck is and his mum goes just a new way of cutting the turkey. then the door bell rings and the boys yells i'll get it and opens the door and his grandparents have aarrived for lunch and the kid goes welcome b*tches and barstards! you can put your dicks and vaginas over there! dads putting shit on his face and mums f***king the turkey!

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