A Scottish farmer is sitting on his front porch one day, resting after finishing his tasks with his dog at his feet

A Scottish farmer is sitting on his front porch one day, resting after finishing his tasks with his dog at his feet.

A man in a suit approaches the farmer, greets him warmly, and the farmer greets him in turn. The man notices the dog lying at the farmer's feet and smiles at the pooch."Can I talk to your dog?" The man asks. The farmer gives him an odd look but shrugs."Dog don't talk, but whatever... read more

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A Scottish farmer is sitting on his front porch one day, resting after finishing his tasks with his dog at his feet.

A Scottish farmer is sitting on his front porch one day, resting after finishing his tasks with his dog at his feet.

," he replies.

"How are you doing, dog?" The man questions.

"Doing pretty good," the dog answers to the utter shock of the farmer. "My master takes me on three walks a day, lets me run in the field, and feeds me every day. I have a good life here." The man smiles. He then notices a horse who had trotted over to see what was going on.

"Can I talk to your horse?" The man asks again. The farmer is still skeptical.

"Horse don't talk, but whatever," the farmer answered again.

"How are you doing, horse?" The man queries.

"Doing really good!" The horse answers enthusiastically. The farmer's jaw has gone slack. "My master feeds me every day and lets me from the stables at dawn and dusk to run and stretch my legs." The man nods his head. He looks around and spots a sheep grazing nearby.

"Can I talk to your sheep?" The man asks.

"THAT SHEEP IS A FOOKIN' LIAR!" The farmer shouts.

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My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me having sex with her dog.

My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me having sex with her dog.

I guess I really screwed the pooch on that one.

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A dog is walking down the street.

A dog is walking down the street.

pooch composes himself and begins.

"Well you see, me and some females were walking down the street over there. We were going to go through the trash behind the grocery store...When...The Dog Catcher attacked. He must have been following us, because suddenly we had to run for our live. This Catcher was fast. He followed us over fences, down alleys, into yards. HE WAS RELENTLESS."

"MY DOG! And somehow you lost him?!"

"Well, no..."

"SO THERE'S A DOG CATHER COMING THIS WAY?! We Must Run! Hurry! Getting me into this mess! RUN!" The first dog began to panic.

"NO! Its fine, he's not interested in me anymore."

"What? Why? You were running and you said he was relentless!"

"Yes but dog, you know bitches be tripping"

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A farmer and his dog are herding sheep.

A farmer and his dog are herding sheep.

They finish and his dog says "I have counted 40 sheep".

The farmer replies, "That's odd. I only got 37 ".

The dog replies "Well, I rounded them up".

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The Blind Man and his Dog...!!!

the Blind Man and his Dog...!!!.

starts to offer to the dog.

A businessman, who is also waiting to cross the street, observes this happening and interrupts, "None of my business, but are you aware of the fact that your dog just wizzed all down the leg of your pants?"

"Yes, I'm trying to break him of that habit", replies the blind man.

"Well, it's none of my business," retorts the onlooker, "but you're not going to teach him much by rewarding him with a treat!"

To which the blind fella chuckles, "Oh I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!"

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Lawyer.

Lawyer.

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one... read more

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