I got fired from my job today

I got fired from my job today.

Apparently when you work at a cremation company you aren’t suppose to answer the phones me with “Hello, this is Joes Crematorium. You kill em we grill em!”

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More jokes about: #Grill #Hello

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Funny ways to answer the phone

Funny ways to answer the phone

1) Johns white house,you got the dough, we got the hoe

2) Hello Immigration service, you report em' we deport em

3) Jim's abortion clinic you rape em we scrape em

4) Westroad sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it

5) Sawyers sperm bank you jack it we back it

6) hello children's hospital,you beat em we treat em

7) chucks disposable dildos fuc em suc em and Chuck em

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Slip of the Tongue.

Slip of the Tongue.

Joe has a broken leg. Mike comes over and asks, "How you doing', Joe?"

Joe says, "Do me a favor: Run upstairs and get my slippers."

Mike goes upstairs and sees Joe's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters. He says, "your dad sent me up here to have sex with both of you."

One girl replies, "Get out of here. Prove it?"

Mike shouts down stairs -, "Hey, Joe, both of 'em?"

Joe shouts back, "of course, both of 'em!" What's the point of fuckin' one?"

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So there's these two beavers...

So there's these two beavers...

one is named Joe and the other, Steven. Joe and Steven have a fire. Joe decides he's hungry so he grabs a pan and some sticks.

Steven runs over and says "Joe what are you doing?" And says "im just grilling up some sticks."

Steven immediately smacks the pan from Joe's paw and says

"JOE THATS A NON STICK PAN"

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More jokes about: #Immediately #Steven #Runs #Joe
So there's these two beavers...

So there's these two beavers...

one is named Joe and the other, Steven. Joe and Steven have a fire. Joe decides he's hungry so he grabs a pan and some sticks. Steven runs over and says "Joe what are you doing?" And says "im just grilling up some sticks." Steven immediately smacks the pan from Joe's paw and says... read more

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More jokes about: #Beaver #Beavers
Best lines when dealing with telemarketers.

Best lines when dealing with telemarketers.

Some of the better ones

* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em

* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?

* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it

* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em

* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us

Anyone have more?

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More jokes about: #Ice #Dealing #Abortion #Clinic
Joe the Homesteader.

Joe the Homesteader.

Joe decides to move out of the city to the country become a homesteader. He buys 50 acres, sets up a tent and begins to chop down trees and make plots for food. Joe lives out in the woods for 2 months until he is awoke early in the morning. "Hello? Anybody here" says a... read more

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More jokes about: #Acres