Satan arrives to welcome a new damned soul to hell

Satan arrives to welcome a new damned soul to hell.

"Congratulations!", he says, "You wasted your entire pitiful life!""Well," the man replies, "at least I'm not a adult living in my father's basement."

Hillary's mad at Satan.

Hillary: Satan! We had a deal! Where's the election victory that you promised me?

Satan: Where's the soul that you said you had?

Jesus wants you to give him your soul.

Whereas satan is willing to buy it off you.

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic Satan worshipper?.

She sold her soul to Santa.

A man asked Satan...

"How can I become the best guitarist in the world?"

Satan answered, "Give me your soul."

The man was bewildered. "What if I gave you a dollar instead?"

Satan smiled. "Then I'll make you the best bass player in the world."

Satan was severely depressed.

Fewer and fewer souls each new year were coming to hell and it was soon becoming quite empty. So Satan hired an analyst to find out what was going wrong. The analyst traveled all over hell, interviewed lesser demons, and surveyed the experiences of tortured souls, taking notes here and there. A week... read more

Howard dies and waits in line for judgment. He notices that some souls go right into heaven, while Satan throws others into a burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, the devil tosses it aside. Curious, Howard asks Satan, “Excuse me, but why are you tossing them aside instead of flinging them into hell with the others?” “They’re from Seattle,” Satan replies. “They’re too wet to burn.”