A rabbi woke up one morning and couldn't find his bike

A rabbi woke up one morning and couldn't find his bike.

After looking everywhere for it, he concluded that one of his parishioners stole it. He goes to the priest and explains his problem. The priest says, "Why don't you gather all your men at your synagogue and read The Ten Commandments aloud. As soon as you get to "Thou shalt not steal" look everyb... read more

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And God said unto the chicken,"Thou shalt cross the road."

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During confession I told my priest I'd been shooting up a designer drug called "Jesus Christ".

During confession I told my priest I'd been shooting up a designer drug called "Jesus Christ".

He said "Ten Hail Mary's. Thou shalt not take god's name in vein."

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CDC issues a revised Old Testament commandment:.

CDC issues a revised Old Testament commandment:.

Thou shalt not COVID thy neighbor's wife.

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A man walks into a church....

A man walks into a church....

o accuse anyone of stealing so here's what I'll do. I'll preach a sermon on the Ten Commandments and afterwards let you know if anybody confesses anything."

"Thank you Father."

During the service, priest preaches on the Ten Commandments while the man anxiously looks around. Yet when the priest gets to "thou shalt not commit adultery" the man relaxes, thanks heaven, and smiles with contentment.

At the end of the service the man goes up to the priest again and says "wonderful sermon Father! As soon as you got to 'thou shalt not commit adultery' I remembered where I'd left my umbrella!"

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The priest was walking down the street looking sad.

The priest was walking down the street looking sad.

What happened? asked a parishioner.

I am afraid someone from the parish stole my umbrella.

Here's what you do. Next sermon talk about the Ten Commandments and look around when you quote 'Thou shall not steal' and see who bows his head in shame.

Next week the priest walks happily down the avenue, twirling his umbrella.

The smart parishioner said, I see my advice worked.

Not exactly, said the priest. When I reached 'Thou shall not commit adultery,' I remembered where I forgot it.

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A carpenter and a priest were playing golf...

A carpenter and a priest were playing golf...

The carpenter swings, and misses. He yells "God damn it!" The priest rebukes him "Thou shalt not take the name of thy Lord in vain!" The carpenter just waves him off, and swings again. And misses. "God DAMN it! Missed again!" The priest exclaims "The Lord might strike you do... read more

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