Ex: you're a stupid slag

Ex: you're a stupid slag.

Me: I've been called worse.

Ex: what's that?

Me: your boyfriend.

I've been dating this girl whose psycho ex-boyfriend is a plumber.

First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.

The best knock-knock joke I'll ever write...

Knock knock"Who's there?"Crazy ex-boyfriend."Crazy ex-boyfriend, who?"(With feeling) Oh, I see. I get it! Now you don't even remember me, bitch?

My girlfriend.

How the fuck can you call me a slag?" Yelled my girlfriend during a fight. "I've only slept with seven men.""Look, can we finish this when they've gone?"

Just heard my ex just moved in with her boyfriend and he's abusive. Makes me wanna go over there with a baseball bat...

... and then blame it on the boyfriend

Credits ~ Anthony Jeselnik

Boyfriend: Bitch

Girlfriend: I been called worse

Boyfriend: Like what

Girlfriend: your girlfriend

My parents congratulated me on my 215lb weight loss...

I don't think they liked my ex-boyfriend.