Add a word to ruin a movie:

Add a word to ruin a movie:

- Batman Begins College

- The Longest Yard Sale

- Charlottes Web Cam.

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Similar Jokes:

Add a word to ruin a movie:.

Add a word to ruin a movie:.

- Batman Begins College

- The Longest Yard Sale

- Charlottes Web Cam.

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More jokes about: #College #Sale
Add a word to ruin a movie:.

Add a word to ruin a movie:.

**- Batman Begins College - The Longest Yard Sale - Charlottes Web Cam.**Your Turn :)

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More jokes about: #Add #Cam #Ruin
So I'm 30 and Charlotte is 21. Went out last night and we kept getting funny looks like I was some sort of peadophile. Does anyone else think that age is just a number?

So I'm 30 and Charlotte is 21. Went out last night and we kept getting funny looks like I was some sort of peadophile. Does anyone else think that age is just a number?.

It's completely ruined our 10 year anniversary

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More jokes about: #Sort #Anniversary
Turning into stone.

Turning into stone.

There were two boys taking a walk through the woods. They eventually cam upon a nice calm river. While they are enjoying the view they notice a woman standing in the nude, bathing. Immediately after seeing her one of the boys runs back through the woods. The other boy chased him and when he catches up he asks,"Why did you run away from the river?" The boy replies,"My mom said that if I stare at naked women I will turn into stone and I felt something getting hard!"

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More jokes about: #Bathing #Stone #Notice #Enjoying
Once upon a time, there was a teeny-tiny spider...

Once upon a time, there was a teeny-tiny spider...

The teeny-tiny spider ventured out and eventually found a nice and clean forest, mostly untouched by civilization and followed a slightly beaten down path, curious as to where it lead.

At the end of it, he was met with the astonishing view of a clearing - the sun shining benevolently with its mild warmth creating tiny spots of light on the surface of a crystal clear pond which was otherwise entirely as blue as the skies with the exception of the reflection of a single tree which had its branches hanging just above the water. The teeny-tiny spider was was certain: this was where he'd spin his web.

The spider crawled over to the other side of the pond and started building his overwater hammock right away. Pleased with the result, he lit up a fat little spidey spliff and put on some instrumental jazz and let out a relaxed sigh.

However, the teeny-tiny spider's arrival didn't go unnoticed by pond's inhabitants. It caught the interested of a very curious fish, in particular.

As the teeny-tiny spider was just dangling down a hand's breadth over the surface of the pond, humming a melody he came up with on the spot, the fish saw an opportunity: "That teeny-tiny spider is completely unaware of its surroundings. When it dangles a little lower, I'll just go to the surface and eat him" it thought and only seconds later, the fish swam up, jumped out of the water and swallowed the teeny-tiny spider whole.

A bear pretending to be sunbathing next to the tree already caught wind of teeny-tiny spider before this all happened and thought: "So, once that teeny-tiny spider dangles a little lower and the fish comes up to eat it I'll just slap the fish midair and eat it." Unsurprisingly, the bear's claws hit the fish full-force and slapped it on shore.

A hunter who'd been spectating the bear through his binoculars a lot before any of the previously mentioned animals decided to satisfy their hunger thought to himself: "So, once that teeny-tiny spider dangles a little lower and the fish comes up to eat it and the bear decides to stop pretending to be asleep and slaps the fish out of the water, I'll have a clear shot on the bear." His body tensed up right before the moment he could take the shot and hit the bear right between the eyes, causing the bear to drop into the pond. The hunter then ran over in a hurry, fearing he wouldn't be able to retrieve his trophy.

A mouse who has picked up the scent of cheese had been patiently waiting for the hunter to leave his bag of rations unattended and had thought to itself before all of this happened: "So, once that teeny-tiny spider dangles a little lower and the fish comes up to eat it, the bear decides to stop pretending to be asleep and slaps the fish out of the water and the hunter takes the killing shot, possibly causing the bear to drop face first into the water and the hunter to go after him - that's when I'll go in and get that cheese." As the hunter ran off, the mouse came out of hiding, lept into the bag, came out with the biggest chunk of cheese it could manage to gnaw off and carry and tried to make its way back into hiding to revel in the delightful taste of underhandedly gotten food.

However, a cat hiding on a tree branch just above the hunter's bag had been ~~dozing~~ attentively analyzing its surroundings before the spider even arrived, just waiting for the key to put its plan into motion: "So, once that teeny-tiny spider dangles a little lower and the fish comes up to eat it, the bear decides to stop pretending to be asleep and slaps the fish out of the water and the hunter takes the killing shot, possibly causing the bear to drop face first into the water and the hunter to go after him and the mouse I smelled earlier comes out of hiding to get to the cheese, that's when I'll drop on that pitiful creature." Still pondering about the choice between instantly killing the mouse or taking it him to stash it as a plaything behind some TV furniture, the cat started doing its killer butt wiggle and realized the last instant before the jump that housecats are not supposed to get down from trees alone, causing it to miscalculate the jump due to a spark of quasi-philisophical thinking and fell right into the pond.

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So, what's the moral of this story, you might ask?

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TL;DR: Long foreplay is what gets a pussy really wet.

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Franz was reading his book on death row...

Franz was reading his book on death row...

. If there were ever a time for divine interference, it was now. That was when everything went dark.

‘This must be a power shortage,’ Franz mused to himself. ‘Wait, the backup generators obviously aren’t working either, or maybe just not yet. Maybe the electric doors are unlocked?’ Optimistically, Franz pushed on his cell door, which did give way!

Adrenaline now coursing through his veins, Franz realised that this was it. He got to his feet and ran through multiple corridors, none of which had working doors. Then, he spotted a lone guard running up the corridor, obviously out of breath. With a quick punch and jab, the guard was down on the floor, and Franz snapped his neck with the adroitness of a practiced fighter and killer, which he was after all. The commotion in the rest of the prison, added to the noise of the rain, covered the noise generated by the quick melee.

Searching through the guard’s possessions, Franz was delighted to find not only a wallet, but car keys! After quickly donning the guard’s gear, he ran towards the exit of the prison unstopped by anyone, and drove to his freedom. 300 miles away and in a small town of different state, Franz finally stopped to get what he needed after abandoning the car in the deep woods and taking along a bag-pack. ‘They’ll never find me now,’ he reasoned. It was then that he saw an extremely elegant lady with flaxen hair, walking down the street.

Franz was tall, dark, handsome, and extremely charismatic. Knowing his strengths, he approached the lady, posing as a bag-packer. Over a short but sweet conversation, he convinced the lady, Elise, to let him stay the night at her place. Once the television came on in the morning though, bearing Franz’s mugshot and a ‘shoot on sight’ recommendation, it quickly dawned on Elise that she was harbouring an Eastern-European gangster who was also a wanted serial killer.

‘NO WAY!’ Elise shouted at Franz, as Franz begged her to give him a chance. Ordinarily this would have just meant one more dead body. But over the night, Franz realised that he really loved Elise. Besides, from a pragmatic point of view a dead body popping up in this town would be of no help to himself, especially when the police search was centred 300 miles away.

Using every last drop of his linguistic virtuosity, Franz told Elise the very sad story of a child in a family of gangsters, who was born solely to be a mere pawn in the web of crime lynchpins. He managed to convince Elise to harbour him for just a few days. Those few days turned into weeks, then months, and eventually years.

Using a stolen identity, Franz and Elise were able to build a new life together, and enjoy everything that normal couples would. They toured the alpine paradises of Switzerland, and the caverns of Sonora. They enjoyed Italian operas, and American soaps. They engaged in extreme sports, and watched spectator games. But the one thing they shared a particular partiality for was comedy, in all its forms.

After 13 years of sheer unadulterated bliss though, Elise was hit by the sudden discovery that she had late stage cancer, and only a few months to live. The first few days after the revelation were marked with intense anguish and bitterness for the couple. But as they slowly accepted Elise’s cruel fate, the couple were able to push forward and live their lives to the fullest, despite the impending tragedy. Gradually though, Elise’s energy waned, and the couple went from spending their time out rappelling and rock climbing, to spending never-ending nights in the ICU.

One night, as she was coughing up blood, Elise whispered laboriously to Franz, ‘I think this is it. I don’t think I’ll get past tonight. Can you get him to come?’

Franz fumbled for his mobile phone and made a quick phone call. Over the last few months, Franz had managed to get a famous comedian to promise to do a stand-up routine for just himself and Elise, and he was now redeeming the promise he had extracted. After all, humour was the one thing that he shared with Elise most profoundly, and both of them wanted to spend their last day together, enjoying what they loved most.

A mere 5 minutes later, there was a knock on the hospital door. A surprised Franz opened the door, and found himself staring at an entire SWAT team and down the barrels of their guns. In that moment, he knew the game was up. Instantly he fully felt the delayed tiredness of all the last few months.

‘Is it him?’ Elise mumbled from her bed quite hoarsely and inaudibly. And as the last 14 beautiful years flashed in his head, Franz tiredly replied:

!It's not the joke. It's the execution.!

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