Me: Say "I am a man" after everything I say

Me: Say "I am a man" after everything I say.

Friend: Alright.

Me: You broke up with your girlfriend.

Friend: I am a man.

Me: You decided to get drunk.

Friend: I am a man.

Me: You went to the bar.

Friend: I am a man.

Me: You found a hot chick there.

Friend: I am a man.

Me: You invited her to your house and she said yes.

Friend: I am a man.

Me: You both came into your room and had sex.

Friend: I am a man.

Me: Next morning you wake up.

Friend: I am a man.

Me: And she says...

Friend: I am a man.

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Friend - "Hey your blocking the view!"

Friend - "Hey your blocking the view!"

Me - "I am the view."

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My friend: I am the best at tying strings together.

My friend: I am the best at tying strings together.

Me: Know your knot!

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Friend: You wanna hangout today?

Friend: You wanna hangout today?

Me: I can't, I am grounded.

Friend: For what?

Me: My mom and I got in an argument, and she said, "SON OF A BITCH!" so I said, "YES, I AM A SON OF A BITCH!"

Friend: HAHAHA That's why you are my friend. xD

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Guess who i am.

Guess who i am.

I am a long object. You put me in your mouth and shake me. Then you either swallow or spit out white liquid . Yes, it is me your toothbrush

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An 85 year old man goes into a confessional...

An 85 year old man goes into a confessional...

An 85 year old man goes into a confessional. He said "Forgive me father but I have sinned".

The priest replied: "tell me your sins my son."

"I am committing adultery. I have a 25 year old girl friend. Every morning I tell my wife that I am going to have coffee with my friends, but instead I go to my girl friends house where she gives me a blow job and then we have sex for an hour."

The Priest said: "adultery is a grave sin. But Mr Cohn, you're Jewish. Why are you telling me?"

Mr. Cohn replied "hey, I'm telling everybody."

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My wife told me she's having an affair.

My wife told me she's having an affair.

I said "well, actually I am too."

She said "it's with your best friend, John"

"THAT SONOFABITCH IS CHEATING ON ME!?"

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