A hiker in Scotland stops to drink from a stream

A hiker in Scotland stops to drink from a stream.

Just as he is lifting his hand to his mouth a passing shepherd yells out "Dinnae drink frae that, mister, it's all full o' coo piss an' shite!"The hiker turns and in cut-glass accents replies "My good fellow, would you very much mind repeating that in the Queen's English?"And the she... read more

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Once upon a time, in Scotland...

Once upon a time, in Scotland...

A man is using his hand to scoop some water from a Scottish Highland brook. He is about to drink when he is interrupted by a local shouting a warning: “Dinnae drink thon water, mun, it’s foo o’ coo’s shite ’n’ pish.”The man peers over at the local and calls back, “My good fellow, I’m English... read more

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My favourite Scottish joke [x-post r/Scotland].

My favourite Scottish joke [x-post r/Scotland].

An Englishman is out walking in the Highlands and gets thirsty, so he stops at a river to get some water. He's about to bring the water up to his mouth with his hand when he gets interrupted by a shepherd nearby."Dinnae drink oot the river, it's foo o' sheep pish!"The Englishman look... read more

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The hiker and the shepherd.

The hiker and the shepherd.

A hiker is walking through the countryside, and he sees a shepherd with a flock of sheeps.

He asks the shepherd:

- Hey, good friend! How much wool do the sheeps give?

- The white ones or the black ones?

Confused, the hiker says:

- The white ones...

- About 7 kilos of wool per season.

- And the black ones?

- They too, they too.

- And how much milk do the sheeps give?

- The white ones or the black ones?

- ... the white ones.

- About three liters per week.

- And the black ones?

- They too, they too.

The hiker is starting to feel annoyed by the shepherd and says to him:

- Why do you always answer me with "the white ones or the black ones"

whenever I ask you about your sheeps?

- Well, sir. Because the white ones are mine.

- Ahhhh... and the black ones?

- They too, they too.

(I hope it makes sense. English it's not my first language and I tried to translate it as accurate as possible).

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A hiker walks into a bar.

A hiker walks into a bar.

A hiker walks into a bar and the barkeeper greets him with "What are you drinking, sir?"The hiker scans the range of whisky bottles on display and asks for a measure of an expensive Talisker. The barman pours the drink, which the hiker knocks back in one, and says, "That will be £9.50 please... read more

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England, Scotland and Ireland all walk into a bar and order a Pint.

England, Scotland and Ireland all walk into a bar and order a Pint.

After a minute or so the barkeep brings them their drinks. They all look down and find a fly in their drinks. England turns its nose up at the drink and pushes it away, Scotland shrugs its shoulders and flicks the fly out, But Ireland grabs the fly by the wings and while shaking it shouts "S... read more

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Three heftier women enter a bar and order their drinks. The bartender says, "Y'all have some interesting accents. You broads from Scotland?"

Three heftier women enter a bar and order their drinks. The bartender says, "Y'all have some interesting accents. You broads from Scotland?".

They glare at him and one says, "Wales."He says, "Ok... You whales from Scotland?"

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