Needed a new paint job

Needed a new paint job.

My house needed a new paint job on the outside so I called up a painter and he came and a did a couple hours of work.

Knowing how expensive painters usually are I begrudgingly asked

"So how much is this gonna bankrupt me"

He replied

"Nothing it's on the house!"

So the painters finish painting my home...

and they hand me the bill. I notice that by the paint it says $0. I say, "you guys did such a good job, why aren't you charging me for the paint?" The head painter looks at me and says, "don't worry about the paint, it's on the house."

A painter's patience (my first joke).

A painter asked his client where to start painting his house.

-"Roof" said the client.

-"Ok" said the painter.

Moments later after hard work, the painter went back to ask where to proceed painting.

-"Where now?" Said the painter.

-"Roof!" Yelled the client.

-"I already painted there, tell me where to paint now..." Said the painter with little patience.

-"Roof!!" Yelled the client again

With anger in his eyes the painter said:

-"That's it! This is the last time i paint a dog's house!"

I hope you have a stupid smile because of this stupid joke.

So a sleazy house painter gets a contract to paint a rectory.

Being the swindler cheapskate he is, he stirs water into the paint to save a buck. The painter hastily slaps the paint onto the rectory, and right as he applies the last stroke, the weather, which had been perfectly clear and sunny, instantly went dark, and a torrential rain poured down. The cheap p... read more

A painter unveils his five new paintings in a gallery...

A painter unveils his four new paintings in a gallery. The first is a cubism painting of x^3. The second is an abstract painting depicting 3x^2. The third is a realism painting depicting 6x. The next is a landscape painting of the number 6. The last is a simplistic painting of the number 0. ... read more

The Paint Job.

A man finds job as a road painter and the first week he paints 15km (9.3 miles) of the road his boss congratulates him for being the best employee. The next week he suddenly changes to 10 km (6.2 miles) his boss doesn't say anything but is a bit worried. The third week he only paints 5km (3.1) so his boss says "alright i've had enough of your incompetence either you explain why you're painting less every week or you can go find another job." The painter then replies "I don't know b0ss but the can of paint is always further away each time I paint the road and I have to walk back to the can".

The religious painter.

Jock, the painter, often would thin his paint so it would go further. So when the Church decided to do some deferred maintenance, Jock was able to put in the low bid, and got the job. As always, he thinned his paint way down with turpentine.One day while he was up on the scaffolding -- the j... read more