I wasn't sure that we really needed a 55" TV

I wasn't sure that we really needed a 55" TV.

But you have to look at the bigger picture.

The cops pulled Chuck Norris over for going 55 miles per hour on the freeway. But since he wasn't in a car, they had to give him a ticket for jaywalking.

I saw a black man...

I saw a black man in Nikes running down the street carrying a 55" TV and I thought to myself, "Is that mine?"Then I remembered that mine wears Reebok.

My wife says that I wasted money by ordering a 3-meter wide frame for our wedding photo. Well, I think she should look at the bigger picture.

So, my 3 year old cousin was over this morning.

I needed to grab a quick shower as I let him watch cartoons in the living room. When I came out, there was black permanent marker all over my 55 inch TV screen. I LITERALLY FREAKED OUT. Does anyone know what is best used to clean blood out of a carpet?

Next time someone asks you if you've found Jesus.

Tell them that it wasn't your turn to watch him, and they should have used bigger nails.

I knew a guy who was a meta-agnostic . . .

He wasn't sure if he wasn't sure.

Naturally, he was *certain* he identified as a meta-agnostic.