I wasn't sure that we really needed a 55" TV

I wasn't sure that we really needed a 55" TV.

But you have to look at the bigger picture.

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More jokes about: #Need

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The cops pulled Chuck Norris over for going 55 miles per hour on the freeway.

The cops pulled Chuck Norris over for going 55 miles per hour on the freeway. But since he wasn't in a car, they had to give him a ticket for jaywalking.

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I saw a black man...

I saw a black man...

I saw a black man in Nikes running down the street carrying a 55" TV and I thought to myself, "Is that mine?"Then I remembered that mine wears Reebok.

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My wife says that I wasted money by ordering a 3-meter wide frame for our wedding photo.

My wife says that I wasted money by ordering a 3-meter wide frame for our wedding photo. Well, I think she should look at the bigger picture.

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So, my 3 year old cousin was over this morning.

So, my 3 year old cousin was over this morning.

I needed to grab a quick shower as I let him watch cartoons in the living room. When I came out, there was black permanent marker all over my 55 inch TV screen. I LITERALLY FREAKED OUT. Does anyone know what is best used to clean blood out of a carpet?

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Next time someone asks you if you've found Jesus.

Next time someone asks you if you've found Jesus.

Tell them that it wasn't your turn to watch him, and they should have used bigger nails.

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I knew a guy who was a meta-agnostic . . .

I knew a guy who was a meta-agnostic . . .

He wasn't sure if he wasn't sure.

Naturally, he was *certain* he identified as a meta-agnostic.

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More jokes about: #Identified