Gravity is a harsh mistress..

Gravity is a harsh mistress...

*... but she has reasonable rates!*

My wife went to Jupiter and found pictures of me and a mistress.

She was crushed. My mistress asked what the big deal was... she didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

Hey girl are you the force of gravity?.

Because I'd rate you a -9.8

Has the harsh winter turned you into a snow beast?.

Not Yeti.

A man steps into a brothel (nsfw).

He approaches the head mistress and says what can I get for $5? The head mistress takes him to a room with a morbidly obese woman. He doesn't enjoy it but it got the job done. Next week he goes back and tells the mistress he only has $4 this time so she takes him to a room with a chicken in... read more

My sister is an expert pastry-maker.

She has to be to stay employed, her job has a high turnover rate.

Not to make light of the gravity of the situation,.

But this quarantine has really brought my wife and I closer together. We have both gained so much weight that we are increasingly attracted to one another, by gravity.