Best 187 Joseph Jokes and Puns

I was having trouble with my computer.

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Joseph, the 14 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Joseph clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID Ten T error?

What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

Joseph grinned, "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No", I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like that little boy.

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Q: Where in the Bible is the first tennis match mentioned?

Q: Where in the Bible is the first tennis match mentioned? A: When Joseph served in the Pharaoh's court.

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A short story about my roommate Joseph.

A short story about my roommate Joseph.

let' just say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.

Joseph had gotten a big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those cotton pads on his eye for a couple of months. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend

Apparently they'd bonded during the time after his injuries, and eloped together , left me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could.

In conclusion, if it hadn't been for cotton eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?

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There was no room at the inn. Joseph and Mary were really furious.

There was no room at the inn. Joseph and Mary were really furious.

What they need is manger management.

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Young Jesus comes running into Saint Joseph’s carpenter shop...

Young Jesus comes running into Saint Joseph’s carpenter shop...

“Daddy, did you call me?”“Ah no, son, I just hit my thumb with a hammer.”

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Joseph decides it's time to tell Jesus the truth....

Joseph decides it's time to tell Jesus the truth....

Since Jesus is a teenager, Joseph thinks he can handle it. He tells Jesus that he's not really his father, in a technical sense.

Jesus is incredulous. He can't believe it. He asks who his father really is.

Joseph explains to Jesus that he's the son of god. Jesus can't even comprehend this. He can only manage to stammer out "No way"

Joseph looks at him and says "Yahweh..."

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Joseph Stalin is walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl.

Joseph Stalin is walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl.

Joseph Stalin was walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl sitting in the doorway of a house. He smiled at her and said "Little girl, do you know who I am?"

The little girl gives him a blank stare.

"You really don't know? I'm the one who gave you everything you have!"

The little girl's face lights up, and she runs into the house shouting "Mum! Mum! Uncle Ivan is home from America!"

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Joseph knew how to build a proper table; he was a carpenter, after all.

Joseph knew how to build a proper table; he was a carpenter, after all.

Mary had a harder time, so she had Emmanuel.

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The most heartbreaking thing to ever happen to me.

The most heartbreaking thing to ever happen to me.

and help him through his injuries.

Joseph had gotten big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with a cotton pad on his eye for a little while. One day, I came home to find that he had disappeared... along with my girlfriend. Apparently they’d bonded during the time after his injuries and eloped together, leaving me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down, but couldn't find them.

tl;dr if it hadn’t been for cotton eye Joe, I’d have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?

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Joseph never learned how to drive a stick shift.

Joseph never learned how to drive a stick shift.

He kept Stalin.

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It’s a common misconception that the Utah Jazz got their name from starting in New Orleans...

It’s a common misconception that the Utah Jazz got their name from starting in New Orleans...

When in actuality, they go their name because Brigham young and Joseph Smith met in the high school jazz band.

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Why couldn't Mary and Joseph find a Hotel during Jesus' birth?.

Why couldn't Mary and Joseph find a Hotel during Jesus' birth?.

It's always so busy around Christmas time

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Who is Joseph Kony's favorite rapper?.

Who is Joseph Kony's favorite rapper?.

Soulja Boy

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Who pulled off the greatest hat trick in history?.

Who pulled off the greatest hat trick in history?.

Joseph Smith

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Joseph Stalin is giving a speech to his army.

Joseph Stalin is giving a speech to his army.

When all of the sudden in the midst of a paticularly moving segment, he hears a loud, uproarious sneeze coming from amongst the crowd. Stalin stops speaking, glares at the soldiers, becomes very visibly annoyed, and says "Who sneezed?..."

All of the soldiers don't say anything, some of them start to sweat and others nervously glance around. After a brief moment Stalin motions towards a few soldiers with him on the stage. "Execute the first row..." he commands, and the soldiers on stage begin opening fire at the first row of troops on the ground.

"I'll ask again, who sneezed?" says Stalin. Another pause, and no one speaks up. Finally Stalin says "Execute the..." but before he can finish, a soldier about 4 rows back raises his hand and says "It was me General Secretary Stalin! I'm the one who sneezed."

Stalin then stares cold and hard at the soldier who spoke up for an uncomfortable amount of time, before he leans towards his microphone and says "Bless you."

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The pastor states, Everything in modern day life is explained in the Bible.

The pastor states, Everything in modern day life is explained in the Bible.

Everyone in the congregation is trying to stump the preacher. Finally someone yells out, What about PMS? A hush grows through the church. The pastor answered, That's easy. And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem!

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A different kind of Jewish joke.

A different kind of Jewish joke.

A man, visibly distracted and upset, walks toward his synagogue and finds the rabbi on the front steps.

"Rabbi, rabbi, it's my son!"

"What is wrong, Joseph, what has happened to your son?"

"Well, rabbi, he just came back from his Birthright trip to Israel, and he tells me that he's now a Christian!"

The rabbi strokes his beard and says, "Funny you should mention that. My son too went to Israel, and he too came back a Christian..."

At this moment, a bright light parts the clouds and a booming voice sounds from on high: "Funny you should mention that..."

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Stalin visits a farm.

Stalin visits a farm.

One day, Joseph Stalin visits an agricultural collective. And so....

Stalin: Comrade, how much wheat do you have?

Farmer: Comrade Stalin, we have enough wheat to reach God!

Stalin: Comrade, as a Marxist, you know that there is no God!

Farmer: Comrade Stalin, as a Marxist, you know that there is no wheat!

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A man sneezed during Joseph Stalin's speech.

A man sneezed during Joseph Stalin's speech.

h. "Which one of you sneezed?" said Stalin, obviously perturbed. But everyone is the audience was too paralyzed with fear to say anything. So Stalin said, "Very well. First row stand up!", and on that command the whole first row stood at attention. Then Stalin ordered "Guards! Open fire!" And with that, the guards shot everyone in the entire first row. "Now," said Stalin once again, "who sneezed?" Again, everyone was too afraid to say anything. Again he ordered, "Second row, stand up! Guards! Open fire!" And now the second row was shot, falling into a great bloody heap. "Now, who sneezed? Third row...." "Wait! Wait!" , cried a man in the back of the hall. The man hurried forward. "Comrade Stalin! It was I! I'm the one who sneezed!" Stalin glared at the man, "It was you who sneezed?" The man looked down ashamedly, "Yes, Comrade Stalin." Stalin gave the man a nod and a little smile, "Bless you, Comrade!"

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Two wise men arrive at the stable in Bethlehem.

Two wise men arrive at the stable in Bethlehem.

rh. Mary accepts the myrrh, with a tear of joy rolling down her face. Everyone looks at each other, followed by an awkward pause. Joseph breaks the silence.

Joseph: "Well?"

Wiseman1: "Well what?"

Joseph: "Where's the third one?"

Wiseman2: "The third what?"

Joseph: "The third wise man. There's supposed to be three of you."

Wiseman1: "I assure you, I don't know what you're talking about. There are only two of us."

Joseph: "Everyone knows there are supposed to be three wise men."

Wiseman2: "We have traveled long and far to present you with these gifts. Your son is destined to be the messiah. Please, if we have offended you, it was not our intention."

"That's it," Joseph yells, throwing down the jar of frankincense, spilling it across the floor. "I'm not finishing this joke until someone gives me gold."

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