Best 419 K Jokes and Puns

Yo momma's so fat, she tripped over Wal-Mart, stumbled over K-Mart, and landed on Target.

Yo momma's so fat, she tripped over Wal-Mart, stumbled over K-Mart, and landed on Target.

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Say addicted after everything I say.

Say addicted after everything I say.

drugs.

"addicted"

alcohol.

"addicted"

What hit you in the face last night?

"A dick did"

hahahaha

"f**k you"

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How fast can you guess these words?

How fast can you guess these words?

1._ _ _ k

2._ _ndom

3.d_ck

Answers:

1. book

2. random

3.duck

You didn't get them right you dirty minded slut!

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A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms.. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs..'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

The principal' s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied,'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...'

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One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting.

One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting. Later, he asked what "b*tch" and "bastard" mean. They explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman."

The next day, he overheard his parents having sex. He later asked what "penis" and "vagina" mean. His parents explained that they refer to "hats" and "coats."

At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger in the kitchen and yelled, "Oh f**k!" Little Johnny asked what that meant, and she said it means "cut."

A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. Little Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, "Hello b*tches and bastards! Hurry up with your penises and vaginas -- we can't wait to f**k the turkey!"

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One day at school, little Jimmy needed to go to the restroom so he raised his hand.

One day at school, little Jimmy needed to go to the restroom so he raised his hand. The strict substitute teacher asked him to say the full alphabet before she would let him go. "But Miss, I am bursting to go," said Jimmy. "You may go, but after you say the full alphabet." "A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z," he said. Catching his mistake, the substitute asked, "Jimmy, where is the 'P?'" He answered, "Halfway down my legs, Miss."

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Girl: You're stupid!

Girl: You're stupid!

Boy:No I'm not!

Girl: okay then sing the alphabet!

Boy Ok here it is a,b,c,e,f,g,h,I,j,k,l,m,n,o,p,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z. Done!

Girl: you missed out a letter!

Boy: I know I'll give you the d later...

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Yo Momma is so fat and dumb, the only letters of the alphabet she knows are K,F,C.

yo Momma is so fat and dumb, the only letters of the alphabet she knows are K,F,C.

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Me: Can I go to the restroom?

Me: Can I go to the restroom?

Teacher: Say the alphabet first.

Me: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O - Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Teacher: Wheres the P?

Me: Running down my leg.

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Why are there no K-Marts in Syria?

Why are there no K-Marts in Syria?Cause there are targets everywhere!

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Q: What starts with F and ends with U-C-K?

Q: What starts with F and ends with U-C-K?A: Firetruck.

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How Fast Can You Guess These Short Words You Probably Use Every Day?

How Fast Can You Guess These Short Words You Probably Use Every Day?

1. F__ K

2. PU_S_

3. S_X

4. P_N_S

5. BOO_S

6. __ NDOM

Answers

1. FORK

2. PULSE

3. SIX

4. PANTS

5. BOOKS

6. RANDOM

Scoring

6 Correct: You're doing great! A young and supple mind.

5 Correct: You're still OK: everyone can miss ONE now and then.

4 Correct: You're past your prime, dad.

3 Correct: You're past your prime, grandma.

2 Correct: You really need to see your doctor.

1 Correct: You're probably already being seen by a doctor.

0 Correct: What a pervert!

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Queen: "come to bed"

Queen: "come to bed"

King: "not until i have a name for my soldiers"

Queen: "k night"

King: "babe ur a fukin genius"

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I have the F, the C, and the K, and all I need is U

I have the F, the C, and the K, and all I need is U

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Guess the words as fast as you can!

Guess the words as fast as you can!

1. F_ _ k

2. Boo_s

3. P_n_s

4. D_ck

5. _ _ ndom

6. S_x

7. P_n_s

8. Pu_s_

Answers are:

1. Fork

2.Books

3.Pants

4.Duck

5. Random

6. Six

7. Pulse

8. Pants

Dirty freak.

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Guy- I have a bonner for you.

Guy- I have a bonner for you. Girl- I know your c***k can't handle the pressure.

Guy- Ya, it needs to go in mouth.

Girl- Defintely not mine. Guy- Yes, yours baby. Girl- I was warned not to put any small objects in mouth...you know they have choking harzards.

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Eirn: haha your dads gay

Eirn: haha your dads gay

Me: F**k off

Eirn: you take it up the ass by your dady

Me: Hay your like a squirrel the only thing you care about is how much nuts you can fit in your mouth at ounce.

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Blonde: Hey, what does IDK,TTYL,ILY mean?

Blonde: Hey, what does IDK,TTYL,ILY mean?

BF: I don't know, talk to you later, I love you

Blonde: OK

Blonde: Just for the record, what does STFU mean?

BF: Shut the fu*k up

Blonde: THAT IS SO RUDE! WE ARE BREAKING UP.

BF: *facepalm*

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In First Grade

In First Grade

Teacher : "Johnny what's the answer to 1+1?"

Unfortunately, the bell rings. The teacher tells johnny it's his homework..

At Home

Johnny : "Daddy.. what's 1+1?" (mom and dad were fighting)

Daddy : "F**k you!"

Johnny : "Brother, what's 1+1?" (brother is learning karate)

Brother : "Can't touch dis!"

Johnny : "Sister, what's 1+1?" (sister is reading the newspapers)

Sister : "Donald Trump, President of the US!

Johnny : "Grandma, what's 1+1?" (grandma is letting guests in)

Grandma : "But it's cold outside!"

Johnny was tired... so he went to sleep...

The Next Morning

Teacher : "Johhny, what's 1+1?"

Johnny : "F**k you!"

Teacher : "I'll slap you!" (hand reaches forard)

Johnny : (blocks hand) "Can't touch dis!

Teacher : Who taught you that?

Johnny : Donald Trump, President of the US!

Teacher : "Get out!"

Johnny : "But it's cold outside!"

Teacher : #!!??%#%?!

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The Island of Trid.

The Island of Trid.

Once upon a time, in the middle of the ocean, there was the Island of Trid.Most of the Island of Trid was covered by a large mountain. On this mountain lived a Giant. The Giant did not allow Trids on his mountain. If a Trid dared to climb onto the mountain, the Giant would pick them up and k... read more

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