Best 1937 Knocks Jokes and Puns

Knock, Knock.

Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Dave.

Dave who?

Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

Read More
Knock knock.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

To.

To who?

To whom.

Read More
The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.

The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.

Read More
More jokes about: #Funny #Pun
A Boyfriend texts his Girlfriend saying "Hey babe you wanna come over and have sex?"

A Boyfriend texts his Girlfriend saying "Hey babe you wanna come over and have sex?"

Girlfriend texts back "Duh!"

So the girl goes over her Boyfriends house, and right before they get into it, he sets the boundaries. "Ok, so my little brother is home, and I have bunk beds. He's on the bottom bunk. If you want it harder, you say tomato. If you want it faster, you say lettuce, and if you want to moan you say any other ingredients that would be on a sandwich."

So they're up on the top bunk having sex, and she's yelling "Tomato! Tomato! Lettuce! Lettuce! Cheese! Cheese!"

Well the little brother is still on the bottom bunk and yells "Hey can you guys knock it off, your getting Mayonnaise all over me!!!"

Read More
More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
A: Knock knock!

A: Knock knock!

B: Come in.

Read More
Try this on someone...

Try this on someone...

go up and say "Ive got a great knock knock joke for you but you have to start"

there response "Ok, knock knock"

you say "Who's there?"

They are usually dumbfounded and a hilarious awkward silence ensues

Read More
When the past comes knocking, don't answer.

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.

Read More
More jokes about: #Sayings #Top #100
Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. One nun suggests to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other and one nun says, "He's blind, so he can't see. What could it hurt?" They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

Read More
More jokes about: #Religious jokes
Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.

Read More
More jokes about: #Popular jokes
There was this little boy about 10 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him.

There was this little boy about 10 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a whore house and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and I'm not leaving until I do." The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said no. He said,"I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want!" Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, because that damn mailman is the son-of-a-bi*ch who ran over my FROG!"

Read More
More jokes about: #Funny
Bob: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Bob: "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Joe: "To get to the idiot's house." Bob: "Knock knock." Joe: "Who's there?" Bob: "The chicken."

Read More
More jokes about: #Popular jokes
A man walks out on his front porch one day and sees a gorilla in the tree on his front lawn.

A man walks out on his front porch one day and sees a gorilla in the tree on his front lawn. He calls animal control and about an hour later a man shows up with a ladder, a pit bull, and a shotgun. The animal control employee tells the man, "I'm here to get the gorilla out of your tree. I'm going to use this ladder to climb up the tree and shake the branch the gorilla is on to knock him to the ground. The pit bull is trained to go after anything that falls from the tree and bites their balls which calms the animal down so I can put him in the truck." The man says "Okay, I see what the ladder and the pit bull are for but what is the shotgun for?" The animal control employee says, "Oh, that's for you. In case I fall out of the tree instead of the gorilla."

Read More
More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Once a nun was taking a bath when someone knocked on the door,

Once a nun was taking a bath when someone knocked on the door,

"Who is it?"

" It's the blind man, can I come in?"

She decides to let him,

"Okay" she says, he walked in and says:

"Nice tits, now where do you want me to hang the blind?"

Read More
More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman…“Mr Cook?”“Yes,” I replied.“I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.”I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”

I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman…“Mr Cook?”“Yes,” I replied.“I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.”I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”

Read More
More jokes about: #Animal
The following conversation took place after a recently deceased Pakistani man knocked on the gates of Heaven for about 5 minutes.St.

The following conversation took place after a recently deceased Pakistani man knocked on the gates of Heaven for about 5 minutes.St. Peter: “What do you want? ”

Pakistani man: “I’m here for Jesus.”

St. Peter: “Jesus, your taxi’s here!! “

Read More
More jokes about: #Racist #Religious
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. – I gave him a glass of water.

Read More
More jokes about: #Man
Knock, knock.

Knock, knock. Who's there? I eat mop I eat mop who? Hah! You said, "I eat ma poo!"

Read More
More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Anant called home one afternoon to see what his wife was making for dinner.

Anant called home one afternoon to see what his wife was making for dinner.

"Hello?" said a little girl's voice.

"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," said Anant. "Is mommy near the phone?"

"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Frank." After a brief pause, Anant said, "But you don't have an Uncle Frank, honey!"

"Yes I do. He's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"

"Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car just pulled up outside the house."

"Okay, Daddy!"

A few minutes later, the little girl came back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."

"And what happened?"

"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead."

"Oh my god! What about Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have forgot that you took out all the water last week to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool, and now he's dead too."

There was a long pause, then Anant said, "Swimming pool? Is this 555-7039?"

Read More
More jokes about: #Funny
One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of Indians attaked them and knocked them out.

One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of Indians attaked them and knocked them out. When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne. The chief then said, "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me." So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed. Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed. The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!" The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."

Read More
More jokes about: #Popular jokes
A teenage boy takes a quadriplegic girl on a date to dinner and the movies.

A teenage boy takes a quadriplegic girl on a date to dinner and the movies. At the end of the night out, he drives her back home and they start making out in his car. He tells the girl he feels uncomfortable doing this where her parents could come outside and catch them in the act. She says not to worry because she has a place they can go. So he helps her in her chair and she tells him to wheel her into the backyard. When they get in the back, she shows him a huge weeping willow tree that they can hide under and says he can do whatever he wants to her. Under the tree, she shows him two branches that can prop her up and he has his way with her. When they finish, he dresses himself and her, puts back into her chair, wheels her to the front door, and knocks. When her father sees the young man, he thanks him. The boy feels very uncomfortable because of what he just did to the man's daughter and asks, "Why are you thanking me?" "Because son," the father answers, "You are the first boy to take her out of the tree."

Read More
More jokes about: #Popular jokes