Best 288 Knot Jokes and Puns

A string walks into a bar and orders a drink.

A string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender turns to him and says, "Sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here."

The next day, clinging to a thread, the string returns to that same bar and orders a drink again. The bartender, resolute, again turns and says, "I'm sorry, sir, but like I said, we don't serve strings here. I'm going to have to ask you not to return."

Dejected, the string returns home. All night he tosses and turns, wriggles and writhes, and awakes the next morning not at all resembling himself. Catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he brightens and jets out his door to that bar.

Swaggering in, he orders a drink one more time. The bartender stares at him, squinty eyed, and asks, "I'm sorry, are you a string? You look very familiar." The string locks eyes with the bartender, and states, "No, sir. I'm a frayed knot."

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How do germans tie their shoes?

How do germans tie their shoes? In little knot sees.

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More jokes about: #Funny #Racial
I'm going to buy some velcro for my shoes instead of laces.

I'm going to buy some velcro for my shoes instead of laces. Why knot?

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More jokes about: #Funny #Pun
How do Germans tie their shoes?

How do Germans tie their shoes? With little knot-sies!

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Why do couples that are into bondage have a high marriage rate?.

Why do couples that are into bondage have a high marriage rate?.

They love to tie the knot.

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More jokes about: #Rate
What did the person with curly hair say when their comb got stuck?.

What did the person with curly hair say when their comb got stuck?.

This is knot good

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More jokes about: #Curly #Knot #Hair #Cur
We don't serve string.

We don't serve string.

ng in this bar." "What the hell do you mean you don't serve string in this bar?" The bartender points to the sign on the wall behind him and apologizes further, "sorry guys, house rules, nothing I can do." He shruggs. The two strings, dejected, walk outside the bar and sit down on the curb, back in the hot sun.

One piece of sting gets an idea, he says, "follow my lead." He reaches up and ties his head in a knot, then he grabs a comb from his back pocket, and rats his hair up all crazy. "Come on, let's go back inside" They walk in, sit at the bar and the sting says, "Bartender, two beers please" The bartender looks over and says, "Hey, aren't you the same piece of string that was just in here?"

String points to his head and says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot"

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More jokes about: #Comb
In honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day.

In honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Here's my favorite pirate joke: When I was 17, I went on a class trip to a beach but I snuck away to explore on my own. I went into this bar. It had nautical stuff on the wall, a bunch of shark jaws, but also streamers and balloons about the place. It looked like there was a party going on. ... read more

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A string walks into a bar...

A string walks into a bar...

So a shoelace walks into a bar and orders a scotch on the rocks. The bartender looks at him and responds: "We don't serve shoelaces here, leave."The shoelace, rather put out, exits the establishment, and proceeds to tie himself into a knot. He then returns to the bar and, again, orders a sco... read more

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More jokes about: #Premise #Shoelace
I just made love to my girlfriend.

I just made love to my girlfriend.

She asked, “If I get pregnant, what should we name the baby?”I took off my condom, tied a knot, and flushed it down the toilet.“Well” I said, “If he can get out of that, we’ll call him Houdini”.

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More jokes about: #Knot
Dress Code.

Dress Code.

runk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."

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More jokes about: #Collar #Dangle #Jumper #Cable
Ex-Wife.....

Ex-Wife.....

An Avid Sportman and hunter, Tim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening, not long after the honeymoon, he was getting his equipment ready for an upcoming hunt.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand-loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat."

Tim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

"You were beginning to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

He replied, "I wasn't."

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More jokes about: #Exwife #Knot #Hunter
A string walks into a bar...

A string walks into a bar...

tch on the rocks. The bartender looks at him and says for the second time: "I don't know who you think you're fooling, as I said; we don't serve shoelaces here. Leave."

The shoelace does not take kindly to this, however, he doesn't want to make a big scene, so he obliges. Once off the premises, the shoelace tears off the plastic covering on the end of him and frayed his end. After this, he returns to the bar, and orders a scotch on the rocks. The bartender, clearly annoyed, responds with:

"This is the last time I am going to tell you, we don't serve shoelaces here! Leave my property!"

The shoelace says calmly: "I beg your pardon sir, but I am not a shoelace."

"If you're not a shoelace then what are you?"

"I'm afraid not."

(A frayed knot)

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More jokes about: #Premise #Shoelace
The String Theory might be the answer to everything...

The String Theory might be the answer to everything...

..but then again, it might knot.

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A piece of string walks into a bar...

A piece of string walks into a bar...

And asks for a Beer.

The barman says: "I'm sorry we don't serve pieces of string".

So the piece of string walks outside, ruffles himself up, walks back into the bar and says: "Can I have a Beer please".

The barman replies: "Aren't you that piece of string I just asked to leave".

To which the piece of string replies: "No, I'm a frayed knot".

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More jokes about: #Knot #Barman #Pieces
No Strings.

No Strings.

Two strings wanted to go into a bar. The bar had a sign up "We do not serve strings" One of them said to the other I've got an idea. He slammed into the wall, scooted and twisted himself around on the ground and then began tearing at his ends. He walked into the bar and the bartender said "Hey aren't you a string?" He looked at the bartender and said "I'm a frayed knot"

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More jokes about: #Knot #Slammed #Began #Strings
Why is knotted string formal?.

Why is knotted string formal?.

It wears a tie.

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More jokes about: #String #Knot
My girlfriend is a professional contortionist.

My girlfriend is a professional contortionist.

Now she really loves her job and most of the time she comes home with a big smile on face. However yesterday was really rough on her and so this morning I asked if she'd gotten everything straightened out. She said "I have knot."

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More jokes about: #Knot #Contortionist
A R*pe Joke.

A R*pe Joke.

A rope walks into a bar and the bartender says "We don't serve your kind here." So leaves, takes a shower, brushes his hair and comes back. The bartender says "Hey, aren't you the same guy as before?" So he replies "I'm a frayed knot."

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More jokes about: #Brush #Pe
What flowers do Alzheimers patients hate tying into knots ?.

What flowers do Alzheimers patients hate tying into knots ?.

Forget-me-nots

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More jokes about: #Tying