Best 377 Legalized Jokes and Puns

After having failed his exam, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

After having failed his exam, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student:

“Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”

Professor:

“Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”

Student:

“Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you to give me an “A” for the Exam.”

Professor:

“Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?”

Student:

“What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an “A”, as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers:

“Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 17 Year old lover, which is logical but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an “A”, although he really should have failed, is neither legal nor logical.”

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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff.

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?" The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently. The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle." The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

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More jokes about: #Office jokes
Mickey Mouse is in the middle of a nasty divorce from Minnie Mouse.

Mickey Mouse is in the middle of a nasty divorce from Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane," said the judge. Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's f*cking Goofy!"

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Annoying girl: your ugly

Annoying girl: your ugly

Girl: and your living proof that abortion should be legal

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More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
Earlier today in court

Earlier today in court

Judge: State your name.

Me: Not Guilty

Judge: What?

Me: I had it legally changed.

Judge: You're Not Guilty?

Me: *moonwalks outta there*

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More jokes about: #Funny
A student at college had failed his final law papers and was obviously not happy, he questioned the professor & decided to make a deal with him 'professor, do u consider yourself to know everything about the law?

A student at college had failed his final law papers and was obviously not happy, he questioned the professor decided to make a deal with him 'professor, do u consider yourself to know everything about the law?

He asked. 'Absolutely, otherwise i would not be capable of standing in front of u lecturing u on the subject' he replied. The student continued; if u can answer this question, I will agree with u accept my final marks, if u cannot, u have to give me an 'A" the professor laughed but agreed.

The boy continued, 'what is legal but not logical, logical but not legal neither legal nor logical?

The professor thought about it for hours and pondered no answer. He had to finally give up as he really did not know. He gave the boy his 'A' the following day at lecture, the professor was still struggling with dis unknown mystery decided to pose the question to his students: class, what is legal but not logical, logical but not legal neither legal nor logical?

He paused for a second in shock when all students raised their hands with a possible answer. He pointed out one student and waited:

"sir, u're 65, married to a 28 yr old woman, this is legal but not logical, ur wife, is having an affair with a 23 year old boy, this is logical but not legal, ur wife's boyfriend has failed his exam yet u have given him an 'A'. That is neither logical nor legal".

The professor collapsed. --__--

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
Just had the following conversation in court.Judge: State your name.

Just had the following conversation in court.Judge: State your name.

Me: Not Guilty

Judge: What?

Me: I had it legally changed.

Judge: You’re Not Guilty?

Me: Thanks, I’m outta here.

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More jokes about: #General
A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party.

A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party.

Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replies the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills.

When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.

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More jokes about: #Office jokes
The only 2 states to have legal Marijuana are Colorado and Washington.

The only 2 states to have legal Marijuana are Colorado and Washington. The 2 best NFL teams are Seattle and Denver. Coincidence? I think not!

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More jokes about: #Funny
My boyfriend wants to have a threesome.

My boyfriend wants to have a threesome. So I told him when cloning is legal, then he can have one.

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Bumper Sticker – CAUTION!

Bumper Sticker – CAUTION! – Driver legally blonde!

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More jokes about: #Blonde #Funny #Bumper #Stickers
Bumper Sticker – CAUTION!

Bumper Sticker – CAUTION! – Driver legally blonde!

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Rating: 2.9/5 (160 votes cast)

share me!

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More jokes about: #Blonde #Funny #Bumper #Stickers
(Original) Did you hear about the guy who had a sexual attraction to the legal system?.

Did you hear about the semantics fetishist they arrested?.

He got off on a technicality.

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More jokes about: #Fetish #Origin #Cases #Legal
I thought this sub was the appropriate place for some of these hard to believe real West Virginia Laws.

I thought this sub was the appropriate place for some of these hard to believe real West Virginia Laws.

is illegal to snooze on a train.

-According to the state constitution, it is unlawful for anyone to own a red or a black flag.

-When a railroad passes within 1 mile of a community of 100 or more people in it, they must build a station and stop there regularly to pick up and drop off passengers.

-Whistling underwater is prohibited.

Alderson County

-One may not walk a lion, tiger or leopard, even on a leash.

Nicholas County

-No member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during a church service.

Huntington County

-Firemen may not whistle or flirt at any woman passing a firehouse.

-It is legal to beat your wife so long as it is done in public on Sunday, on the courthouse.

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An OB/GYN student is late for his final exam.

An OB/GYN student is late for his final exam.

s ability, but is shocked when he doesn’t understand the first question:

“Advice offered to the court by a third party.”

_Why is this on my medical test?_ He thinks. The man glances over to his right in askance, but sees the other students diligently writing. Determined to not make a fool of himself, he writes “prescription”.

He reads the next question:

“An admission of guilt on the principle of not contesting the charges.”

He glances around again, confused, and ends up writing “c-section”.

He reaches the third question, and is well and truly lost.

”The principle that recognizes legal practices, regardless of whether they are codified.”

He writes down “delivery”, but then leans over to ask another student for help. The other student glances at his paper, and says:

“It’s not delivery! It’s de jure, no?”

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Marijuana is legal and haircuts are against the law.

Marijuana is legal and haircuts are against the law.

It took half a century but Hippies finally won.

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More jokes about: #Marijuana #Half #M #Hippie #Haircut
The Bag of almonds was tried for murder.

The Bag of almonds was tried for murder.

He was deemed legally sane, even though everyone could see he was nuts.

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A cigar smoker bought several hundred expensive cigars.

A cigar smoker bought several hundred expensive cigars.

company paid the claim and and when the man accepted the money, the company had him arrested for arson.

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How many marijuana doritos does it take to screw in a legalized lightbulb?.

how many marijuana doritos does it take to screw in a legalized lightbulb?.

3. 1 to screw in the light bultb. 1 to smok the weed. and 1 to eat all theo CHEEHOTS

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More jokes about: #Legalized #Theo
London Lawyer v Glasgow Cop.

London Lawyer v Glasgow Cop.

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cop's expense!!

Glasgow cop says, " Licence and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What for?"

Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and Registration, Please.

London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte to come to complete stop, that's the law, Licence and registration, please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the lawyer and says,

"Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"

/end

This isn't actually illegal in Scotland (beating lawyers, not failing to come to a stop :P ), but the joke is still funny

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