Best 3287 Line Jokes and Puns

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck.

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

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More jokes about: #Religious jokes
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one.

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

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More jokes about: #School jokes
Boy: There are 20 letters in the Alphabet right?

Boy: There are 20 letters in the Alphabet right?

Girl: 26.

Boy: Ah Heck, sorry i forgot the U R A Q T.

Girl: That makes 25.

Boy: I know I will give you the D later...

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More jokes about: #Funny #Pick #Up #Line
I was at my bank today waiting in a short line.

I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"

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More jokes about: #Boycott these jokes
Cop pulls over a man

Cop pulls over a man

"Sir id like you to take this breathalyzer test"

Man: " I cant, i have asthma i might have an attack "

Cop: " then i need to take a blood sample "

Man: " No sir, im a hemophiliac, i might bleed to death "

Cop: " Ok, ill need a pee sample "

Man: " I cant do that either officer, im a diabetic, i might get low blood sugar "

Cop: " Fine, just walk this line "

Man: " I cant "

Cop: " Why? "

Man: " Cause im drunk "

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More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and everyone died.

A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and everyone died. Upon arrival in heaven, God said, "Since you have died in a terrible way, I'll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven." The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and says "I wish to be beautiful." God grants her wish. The next person can’t decide on what to wish for, so he ends up wishing for the same thing. At this point a man at the very back of the line starts to laugh. The next couple, seeing how utterly wondrous the two have become, make their wish to become beautiful also, and the man at the end laughs even louder. One after another, the people wish for the same thing. The closer God gets to the end of the line, the harder the man laughs. When God finally reaches him, he asks "What is your wish my son?" The man says, "Make them all ugly again!"

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More jokes about: #Funny
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."

"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."

"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."

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More jokes about: #One #Liner #Communication #Doctor #Puns
I would make a mexican joke.

I would make a mexican joke.

But it would be crossing the line.

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More jokes about: #Funny #Racial
There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl.

There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies.

When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke. She said sure, so he went to the restroom. The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the food, and went back into the theatre.

When the movie was over, he goes to the bathroom again, still with a tremondously long line. So he figures he can wait until he drops her off.

When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, ''Oh goodie. My grandparents are here. Come on in and meet them.''

He agrees, although his A-hole is about to cry at this point.

They go in and sit down at the table. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time. As he squeezed out a toxic blast, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the horrendous fart. The girl's father stands up and hollers ''Duke!!'' and sits back down.

''Great!'' he thought. ''They really think it's the dog!'' So, he starts bombarding the room with a couple, more powerful, louder stinkers.

Once again, the girl's father stands up, shouts ''Duke!!'' and sits back down.

Finally, he lets it all go and the loudest most hair-curling fart you've ever heard or smelt rippled through the dining room. The girl's father stands up again. ''Duke, get the hell out from under him before he shits on you!!''

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More jokes about: #Funny
Four nuns are in line to go into heaven.

Four nuns are in line to go into heaven. God asks the first nun if she has ever sinned. She says, "Well, I've seen a penis." So God puts holy water on her eyes and lets her enter. He asks the second nun the same thing and she says, "I've held a penis," so he puts holy water on her hands and lets her enter. Then the fourth nun skips the third nun in line and God asks why she did that. The 4th nun replies, "Well, I need to gargle it before she sits in it."

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Me: I can't wait to wake up tomorrow.

Me: I can't wait to wake up tomorrow.

Girl: Why??

Me: Because I swear you get more beautiful everyday.

*Gets laid*

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Did you sit in a pile of sugar?

Did you sit in a pile of sugar?

Because you've got a pretty sweet ass.

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Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club.

Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other. She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a bl*wjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too f*ckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"

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More jokes about: #Boycott these jokes
A blonde goes to a soda machine.

A blonde goes to a soda machine. She puts in a dollar and gets a soda. She does this again and again. A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long. She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
I'm like a rubix cube; the more you play with me the harder I get.

I'm like a rubix cube; the more you play with me the harder I get.

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Boy: I'm sorry, can I take a picture with u?

Boy: I'm sorry, can I take a picture with u? I just want to show santa what I want for christmas.

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More jokes about: #Funny #Pick #Up #Line
If I had to rate you from 1-10 I would rate you as a 9 because I am the one that you are missing

If I had to rate you from 1-10 I would rate you as a 9 because I am the one that you are missing

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Two guys are standing in line to enter heaven.

Two guys are standing in line to enter heaven. One turned around and asked the other how he died. "I froze to death. How about you?" "I had a heart attack." "How did that happen?" "Well, I suspected my wife was cheating on me. So after work I went straight home. I ran upstairs to find my wife sleeping by herself. Then I ran back downstairs and looked in all the hiding spots. When I was running back up the stairs, I had a heart attack." "That's ironic." "Why?" "If you would've looked in the fridge, we'd both be alive."

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Girl: I'm scared that you will love another girl soon

Girl: I'm scared that you will love another girl soon

Guy: yeah I will love another girl in about ten years and she will call you mama

*gets laid*

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Roses are red lemons are sour open your legs

roses are red lemons are sour open your legs

and give me an hour.

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