Best 10000+ Love quotes marriage quotes people quotes Jokes and Puns

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”

Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?

A: Red paint.

Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.

Q: What do you call white people running down a hill? A: An avalanche. Q: What do you call Mexicans running down a hill? A: A mudslide. Q: What do you call black people running down a hill? A: A jail break.

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Yo momma so fat when she steps out in a yellow raincoat, the people yell, "TAXI!"

How are black people and tornadoes the same? It only takes one to ruin a good neighborhood.

When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation.

I almost died in Finding Nemo.

Q: Why do Chinese people have Chinese babies? A: Because two Wongs don't make a white.

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think its cute. I just think it's crazy how many people bring knives on a date.

Q: Why don't Black people take free cruises? A: Because they aren't falling for that one again.

A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know

anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.

I hate it when ugly people say "I need my beauty sleep." Bitch you need to hibernate.

Failed my biology test today:

They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?"

Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I work at a survey place, and I have to ask people for their race. People get so upset when you ask them for their race. "Mam, what is your race?" "Now how da' hell is you gon' ask me dat?"

"Okay, so you're African American."

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'