Best 594 Marketing Jokes and Puns

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch.

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

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A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"

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There's a new drug for lesbians on the market to cure depression, it's called Trycoxagain.

There's a new drug for lesbians on the market to cure depression, it's called Trycoxagain.

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So a kid comes home from school and goes in his house and his mom asks him, "What'd you do in school today?"

So a kid comes home from school and goes in his house and his mom asks him, "What'd you do in school today?" and her son replies, "I had sex with my teacher..." Her mom yelled, "Oh my gosh! Son that is not okay! Go upstairs to your room and wait till your dad gets home." The boy goes upstairs in his room and stands in the corner. His dad comes home and goes in his room and asks him, "Mom told me you did something at school today?" and he answers, "Yes, I had sex with my teacher." His claps with excitement and says "Alright! Way to go son! That's my boy! C'mon! I'm taking you downtown to get you the best bicycle." They hop in the truck and drive to the bike shop and find the nicest bike in the market. His dad looks at him and asks, "Son do you want to ride your bike home?" he replies, "No." With a questioned face he says, "Well why not?" so his son answers, "Cause my butt is sore." and his father asks, "Well, why is your butt sore?" and his son says, "Cause I had sex with my teacher..."

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Wilson runs a nail factory and decides his business needs a bit of advertising.

Wilson runs a nail factory and decides his business needs a bit of advertising. He has a chat with a friend who works in marketing, and he offers to make a television ad for Wilson's Nails.

"Give me a week," says the friend, "and I'll be back with a tape."

A week goes by and the marketing executive comes to see Wilson. He puts a cassette in the video and presses play. A Roman soldier is busy nailing Jesus to the cross. He turns to face the camera and says with a grin, "Use Wilson's Nails, they'll hold anything."

Wilson goes mad, shouting, "What is the matter with you? They'll never show that on television. Give it another try, but no more Romans crucifying Jesus!"

Another week goes by and the marketing man comes back to see Wilson with another tape. He puts it in the machine and hits play. This time the camera pans out from a Roman standing with his arms folded to show Jesus on the cross. The Roman looks up at him and says, "Wilson's Nails, they'll hold anything."

Wilson is beside himself. "You don't understand. I don't want anything with Jesus on the cross! Now listen, I'll give you one last chance. Come back in a week with an advertisement that I can broadcast."

A week passes and Wilson waits impatiently. The marketing executive arrives and puts on the new video. A naked man with long hair, gasping for breath, is running across a field. About a dozen Roman soldiers come over the hill, hot on his trail. One of them turns to the camera and says, "If only we had used Wilson's Nails!"

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A blind man walked into a fish market and said, "Hello ladies!"

A blind man walked into a fish market and said, "Hello ladies!"

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Latest product in the market: George Bush condoms - ideal for f*ckers who dont know when to pull out

Latest product in the market: George Bush condoms - ideal for f*ckers who dont know when to pull out

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More jokes about: #Funny #Redneck
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: 'Hello' WOMAN: 'Honey, ????it's me... R u at the club?' MAN: 'Yes'???? WOMAN: 'I'm at the City Centre mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000 Is it OK if I buy it?' MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you really like it.'???? WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2013 Models. I saw one ???? I really liked.' MAN: 'How much?' WOMAN: '$98,000' MAN: 'OK, but for that price make sure it comes with all the options.' WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing, the house ????I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking for $980,000/-.' MAN: 'well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, go the extra 50 thousand if you think it's really a pretty good price.' WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much! You’re so generous!' MAN: “You’re worth it. 'Bye!' The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, with mouths wide open ???? The man turns and asks "Anybody knows whose phone???? this is?" ????????????????????????

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Yo Mamma so stupid she put on bug spray before she goes to the flee market!

Yo Mamma so stupid she put on bug spray before she goes to the flee market!

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Why did the Pakistani cross the road?

Why did the Pakistani cross the road? Because the American government was subsidizing the construction of mango harvesting and preservation infrastructure in the region on the other side, allowing farmers with the necessary means to develop strong ties to American markets and earn significant profits.

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What did the blind man say as he walked past the fish market?

What did the blind man say as he walked past the fish market? Good afternoon ladies.

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
There's was a blind man walking he past a fish market and tooked a deep breath and said good morning lady's

There's was a blind man walking he past a fish market and tooked a deep breath and said good morning lady's

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More jokes about: #Funny #Pun
Pornography is what's going to save the 3D television market.

Pornography is what's going to save the 3D television market. The only thing we'll have to watch out for is the money shot. "Ahh did it get in my hair?"

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Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year.

Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year.

Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market

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As scientists try to determine whether it escaped from a lab or originated in an animal market.

As scientists try to determine whether it escaped from a lab or originated in an animal market.

Others say it's the president now and everyone just has to live with it

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Marketing terms explained.

Marketing terms explained.

's advertising.

3. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You get her phone number. You call  her later and say, "Hello. I'm fantastic in bed."

\--That's telemarketing.

4. You see a beautiful girl at a party. She walks over to you and says, "I  hear you're fantastic in bed."

\--That's brand recognition.

5. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You talk her into going out with  you. She even goes out with you a second time.

\--That's brand loyalty.

6. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You walk right over to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed!" She slaps your face.

\--That's customer feedback.

7. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You talk her into going home--with your friend.

\--That's a sales rep.

8. When your friend can't satisfy her, he calls you for help.

\--That's tech support.

9. You're on your way to a party when you realize that there just might be  beautiful women in all these houses you're passing. You climb a telephone pole and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"

\--That's spam.

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Jokes for the week of 4/6-4/12.

Jokes for the week of 4/6-4/12.

t Kat has released a limited run of new flavors, including Sweet Corn, Espresso, and Kit Cat (with real Cat!).

Obama has budgeted $100million for NASA to lasso an asteroid- $99mill for rope and $1mill for the greatest cowboy hat of all time.

A Russian man attempted to win back his ex-wife with a homemade bomb. Here's an exclusive photo of the couple: ‪http://i.imgur.com/uuJTNmK.jpg ‬

During a shooting, cops recommend going for the gunman, because nothing's scarier than being rushed by someone who just shit them self.

A third live poultry trading market has been shut down in China after six strange bird flu deaths. Personally, I think they're just chicken.

As a living human, you have a .00002% chance of being a billionaire. Jim Carrey reports: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMRrNY0pxfM

Muslims are once again calling for the death of bloggers who blaspheme their religion of peace. "Jesus Christ that's stupid," said Muhammad.

An auction for a baseball card ended at $2.1million, meaning a fucking baseball card nearly joined the nation's wealthiest 1%.

Japan is now selling synthetic schoolgirl pee for only $27, severely undercutting the market for organic schoolgirl pee.

Scientists - "Being launched into a black hole would lead to a fiery death or spaghettification." Everyone else - "Sounds cool as FUCK."

An Italian couple in financial distress committed suicide. "Hopefully these tragic deaths trickle down to more poor people," said the rich.

A former Vice-Mayor in Tennessee gave dozens of women the classic "drive 90mph while masturbating out the window," which is a crime now?

Trayvon Martin's family settled their wrongful death suit for over $1mill. No word on how they'll spend the money, but likely not Skittles.

All based on real news from this week. See more @FridayUpdate on twitter.

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Why wouldn't a "Fight Club" video game sell well?.

Why wouldn't a "Fight Club" video game sell well?.

The marketing would be nonexistent.

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There’s a lunatic in the market defiling all of the groceries!.

There’s a lunatic in the market defiling all of the groceries!.

He’s fucking nuts!

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This stock market crash is worse for me than a divorce.

This stock market crash is worse for me than a divorce.

I lost half my net worth, but still have a wife.

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