Some nsfw funnies I remembered.
One day the kid $10,000 in the lottery and dad starts eyeing the money.
D: Can I get some of the $10,000
S: Does your dick touch your asshole?
Dad thinking he'd outsmart the kid.
D: Yes it very much does
S: Then go fuck yourself.
We all know mango trees take long time to bear fruit, it can take almost 30 years for it to bear fruit. One day a kid sees an old man planting a mango tree and starts.
K: Old Man why do you plant this mango tree?
OM: So that it may bear fruits.
K: Don't you know it will take a long time?
OM: Yes it will take long
K: Then why do you plant it still?
OM: Son go eat a fat dick, this is my land and I'll plant the fuck I want.
An old couple reminiscing of their younger days decide they'd visit all the places they did it. They go to the beach, the park, the zoo and many others and finally they reach the house of their old neighbors. The house has been sold to a young man and the old man tells him what they are doing and he is more than happy to let them into his backyard. The old couple reminisces while the young man hides and listens in on them.
OM: I can just remember it like it was yesterday, it's great we decided to visit all the places. It was 30 years ago wasn't it?
OW: Honey, all these memories have tingled me, why not we do it here now.
OM: I am up for it.
And they proceed to start making love and the OW grabs the fence and the OM starts jerking like the devil has possessed him. They go about it for 15 mins and finally fall down to the ground. The young man comes out
YM: Wow, you guys have definitely not lost to age. What's your secret? Even I can't perform so well, I can't imagine what you did 30 years ago.
OM: 30 years ago the fence wasn't electrified.
One day some soldiers were being discharged. These guys had been through hell in a Afghanistan, so the big bosses decided to reward them more than just a pension. So they said "Guys measure anywhere on your body and for every inch you'll get $100, this is the least we can do".
S1: I'd like to be measured from the top of my head to my foot please. (Measured 80 inches got $8000)
S2: I'd like it from the tip of my fingers to the tip of my toes.(Measure 100 inches got $10,000)
S3: I'd like to be measured from the tip of my penis to my balls please.
Big Brass: Are you sure? Pick something else
S3: Nope, please measure.
So they begin to measure, 4,5,6 inches....
Big Brass: S3 where are your balls?
S3: Back in Afghanistan sir! Read More