Best 195 Mice Jokes and Puns

Three blind mice walk into a pub.

Three blind mice walk into a pub. They are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humor from it would be exploitative.

Read More
Q: What do cats eat for breakfast?

Q: What do cats eat for breakfast? A: Mice Krispies.

Read More
Hickory Dickory Dock.

Hickory Dickory Dock. Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other got away with minor injuries.

Read More
More jokes about: #Popular jokes
A woman answered the doorbell with a man standing on her porch.

A woman answered the doorbell with a man standing on her porch. The man said, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat and I would like to replace it for you." The woman replied, "Well that's alright with me, but how are you at catching mice?"

Read More
More jokes about: #Popular jokes
A family of mice was surprised by a big cat.

A family of mice was surprised by a big cat.

Father Mouse jumped and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."

Read More
More jokes about: #Big #Cat
Hickory Dickory Dock.

Hickory Dickory Dock.

Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other got through with only minor injuries.

Read More
More jokes about: #Injuries #Mice
Two scientists are about the open the results of a recent experiment.

Two scientists are about the open the results of a recent experiment.

The first scientist eagerly asks the other: "So, what does it say? Is it looking like we're pretty close to a cure?"

"Well, it appears that out of all the mice that received the new treatment, we were only able to successfully cure every-other one. So, the odds aren't looking very good..."

Read More
More jokes about: #Mice
Where did mice go and drink in the prohibition era?.

Where did mice go and drink in the prohibition era?.

At the squeak-easy.

Read More
More jokes about: #Mice
A cat died and went to Heaven.

A cat died and went to Heaven.

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”The cat thought for a moment and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors… I would like a... read more

Read More
More jokes about: #Roller #Mice #Fluffy #Skate
Three mice are arguing whether the holes are part of the cheese or not.

Three mice are arguing whether the holes are part of the cheese or not.

The one that thought they WERE went to the wise old owl for advice. When he got back, the cheese was gone. He asked the other two mice:

"What happened to the cheese?"

They replied:

"We decided to agree with you, so we split the cheese into thirds, and your third happened to be the holes."

Read More
More jokes about: #Mice
A guy wanted to join a Monastery..

A guy wanted to join a Monastery..

om one dick to another..

"What..?"

The head monk held up a finger for silence and lead him to the next room, where on 4 beds are 4 monk, each screwing a pretty gals.

"Every month, we do what you saw in the first room. Whomever dick the mouse stops at comes into this room for their physical release. We leave it to God to pick which dick the mice stop at."

"I see.."

Then the head monk lead him to another room and within, lies a monk, tied to a cross with a nail being driven through his foreskin.

"WHAT THE HELL!", the guy grabs his own groin in pain.. "the HELL is that.. ?"

The head monk looks at the guy calmly, "That's brother George. "

"and.. ??"

"...we found a piece of cheese hidden under his dick."

Read More
More jokes about: #Groin #Abstain
My brother adopted a snake named Slinky, whose most disagreeable trait was eating live mice.

My brother adopted a snake named Slinky, whose most disagreeable trait was eating live mice. Once I was pressed into going to the pet store to buy Slinky's dinner. The worst part of this wasn't choosing the juiciest-looking creatures or turning down the clerk who wanted to sell me vitamins to ensure their longevity. The hardest part was carrying the poor things out in a box bearing the words Thank you for giving me a home.

Read More
More jokes about: #Animal
Two Mice Live in a Movie Studio Warehouse.

Two Mice Live in a Movie Studio Warehouse.

Two mice live in a movie studio warehouse and are looking for food. Suddenly one hears the other chewing.

"What did you find?" he asks.

"I'm not sure, it looks like a piece of film celluloid from an old movie. Let me see...ah, yes - it's from 'Gone with the Wind'".

"And how is it?"

"Nothing much. The book was better."

Read More
More jokes about: #Like #The #Movies #Mice
What does George W Bush call his kitty cats?.

What does George W Bush call his kitty cats?.

Weapons of mice destruction

Read More
More jokes about: #Kitty #Cat #Mice #W
A chicken walks into a library...

A chicken walks into a library...

, book book." The librarian thinks what the hell and grabs it Of Mice and Men and the hen leaves.

Next day sure enough the hen is back, book in beak, "book book boooook." Atlas Shrugged. "Book, booook." Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. "Book book."... you get the idea. This goes on for about a week until the librarian gets curious enough to follow the chicken and find out what's happening.

So the next time the chicken comes in the Librarian books out one of Proust's works to slow it down down and follows the hen trying not to be seen. All the way past the outskirts of town, down over Old Farmer Giles' twisted stile. Through the Sweeping Woods and upto a pond, where the chicken shows the book to a frog, which replies.

"Reddit."

Read More
More jokes about: #Beak #Outskirt
There are two mice...

There are two mice...

One is called In, one is call Out, when In is in, Out is out.

Sometimes they like to play jokes on each other, so Out goes in and In goes out... one day In died, how did out know in died?

*Instinct*

Read More
More jokes about: #Mice #Instinct
If a cat catches all the mice on your property...

If a cat catches all the mice on your property...

does that make it squeaky clean?

Read More
More jokes about: #Property #Mice
MOUSE HOLE.

MOUSE HOLE.

This guy was having a problem with mice in his apartment. "Dude," he told a friend, "I've tried everything and those damn mice keep coming back." "I had the same thing man," his friend says. "All you have to do is stuff steel wool in their little holes." "That's it?" the guy asked. "I'll do it tonig... read more

Read More
More jokes about: #Rodents #Wool
It seems like every week there's another headline about scientists finding a promising treatment that cures cancer in mice.

It seems like every week there's another headline about scientists finding a promising treatment that cures cancer in mice.

If these guys worked on curing cancer in humans instead we'd probably have it licked by now.

Read More
More jokes about: #Headline #Mice
The Chinese scientists just figured out how two women can have a baby.

The Chinese scientists just figured out how two women can have a baby.

They just need to figure out how to get rid of mice and spiders and humanity will no longer need men

Read More
More jokes about: #Humanity