Best 268 Movement Jokes and Puns

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents.

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

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More jokes about: #Funny
I get that the #me too movement is supposed to be empowering...

I get that the #me too movement is supposed to be empowering...

But they could've picked a better slogan than PoundMeToo

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More jokes about: #Picked #Supposed
Every time I have a big bowel movement I say thank you to my digestive system.

Every time I have a big bowel movement I say thank you to my digestive system.

For putting up with my shit.

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More jokes about: #Movement
What do you get when you mix castor oil with holy water?.

What do you get if you mix Ex-Lax with holy water?.

A religious movement.

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More jokes about: #Mix #Castor
Join the flat earth society! We don’t discriminate, because...

Join the flat earth society! We don’t discriminate, because...

We have members all around the globe. Yes. Flat earth is truly a global movement with a great “sphere” of influence.

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More jokes about: #Influence #Discriminate
A night at the symphony.

A night at the symphony.

or alike.

The concert started off well and by the third movement the piece was bringing tears to even the hardest hearts in the audience. However, in the last movement, one of the French horn players completely flubbed a note during his solo.

Alistair was so furious he jumped his podium, pulled out a dagger and thrust it into the chest of the French horn player, killing him instantly.

His trial became national news and he was condemned to death, and was to be killed by the electric chair.

He was rushed through death row and on his last night he was given the choice of his last meal. "you know," in he said "I could go for a bunch of bananas!" he was given his bananas and the next day was put in the chair and shocked. The watched carefully to make sure he was dead, but as they were wheeling him out on the gurney, he woke up.

In this situation they decided to just let him go.

He returned to his music and conducting and went several years without incident. However one fateful night, at a large concert, Alistair snapped. He pulled out a revolver and started shooting into the orchestra and then into the crowd.

Again, his trial was national news and he was again sentenced to die by electric chair. His last meal came around and he again asked for a bunch of bananas as "they were so good last time."

He was again strapped into the chair and this time they held nothing back. They zapped him good and kept on adding powered till there was no way he could have survived.

Several days later, his funeral was held. The minister was highlighting the high points of his career and had just started to say a final prayer when there was a knock from inside the coffin.

They opened up the coffin and there was Alistair, still alive.

"how in the world did you survive!?" they asked. "I'm not sure, " replied Alistair. "I guess I'm just a bad conductor."

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More jokes about: #Symphony
I'm a big supporter of the lazynesss movement.

I'm a big supporter of the lazynesss movement.

You could say I'm, pro-crastinator.

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More jokes about: #Movement #Support #Supporter
People keep grouping all Trump supporters with these Nazi movements recently, which I disagree with and think is quite silly.

People keep grouping all Trump supporters with these Nazi movements recently, which I disagree with and think is quite silly.

After all, the Russians fought *against* the Nazis.

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More jokes about: #Movement #Supporter #Silly #Disagree
Ate 3 bowls of alphabet soup earlier...

Ate 3 bowls of alphabet soup earlier...

Just took the biggest vowel movement.

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More jokes about: #Soup
I've been getting way too deep into the Prague Surrealist movement lately.

I've been getting way too deep into the Prague Surrealist movement lately.

I think I need a Reality Czech.

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More jokes about: #Prague
A recently discovered European WWII era manuscript tells the story of a young Jewish girl who often had liquidy bowel movements.

A recently discovered European WWII era manuscript tells the story of a young Jewish girl who often had liquidy bowel movements.

It's called *"The Diarrhea of Anne Frank."*

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More jokes about: #Movement
In bed I'm like a Mozart symphony.

In bed I'm like a Mozart symphony.

Dazzling, inventive, and finished in three movements

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More jokes about: #Symphony #Dazzling
Guys wife in horrible accident & now in a coma...

Guys wife in horrible accident now in a coma...

... seems hopeless. However one of the nurses noticed slight movement when sponging her private parts encouraged the husband to try arouse her. Try a little oral sex is all, you never know. We'll give you privacy. So the husband goes in, but 2 minutes later the wife flat-lines dies. The nurse runs in asks what happened.

"I'm not positive, but I think she choked to death!"

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More jokes about: #Horrible #Private
What do you get when you mix laxatives with holy water?.

What do you get when you mix laxatives with holy water?.

A religious movement.

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More jokes about: #Holy #Water #Religious
Did you know that when you say "poop" your mouth actually makes the same movements as your anus when you poop?.

Did you know that when you say "poop" your mouth actually makes the same movements as your anus when you poop?.

Same thing goes for "explosive diarrhea" ...

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More jokes about: #Movement
I wanted to join the #trashbag movement and pick up a nasty bag of trash,.

I wanted to join the #trashbag movement and pick up a nasty bag of trash,.

but the presidential secret service wouldn't let me anywhere near him.

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More jokes about: #Movement
A man walking down the beach heard a woman crying... (NSFW).

A man walking down the beach heard a woman crying... (NSFW).

till decides to see what was wrong.

"Why are you crying" he asks the young lady.

"Nobody likes me. I came here on a date with a boy I met online, but after one look at me he just left. My best friend dropped me off, but she won't be back for another couple hours. I have nowhere to go and I'm stranded." sobbed the woman.

The man felt very bad for this young lady. Besides her missing arms and legs, she was actually pretty good looking. After talking a little more with her she makes a confession.

"I'm so pathetic. I've never even been kissed before" she cried.

The man thinks to himself and looks around. There is nobody else within view on the beach. He thought, what the heck. He leans over and gives the woman the most passionate kiss he could. Her crying stopped momentarily as she thanked him. However, she started crying shortly after.

"I'm so pathetic. No boy has ever tried to feel me up." she cried.

The man started getting a little more weirded out, but again there wasn't anyone looking. She did have very nice breasts, so I decided what the heck. He grabbed as her large and tender breasts and played with them for a little while. After a few minutes he stopped, and she seemed a little happier. After a few seconds she starts crying even harder than before.

"I'm so pathetic. Nobody wants to fuck me!"

The guy is slightly annoyed at how much this girl is droning on. But he has gone this far, so he might as well go all the way. He picks her up in his arms and carries her down the beach looking for a good spot. Her tears stop and finally a smile moves across her face. The man whispers to her in a seductive hushed tone.

"You ready?" he asked?

She nods.

With one swift movement he throws her into the ocean.

"There" he yells, "Now you're fucked!"

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More jokes about: #Hush #Droning #Swift #Seductive
I feel like getting on your knee doesn't really help the Black Lives Matter movement.

I feel like getting on your knee doesn't really help the Black Lives Matter movement.

Last time a black man got on his knees, his hands were up and he was shot in the back.

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More jokes about: #Movement
What do you call it when a poop makes you groan like, "Aaaaaaeeeeeeeeeooooo!"

What do you call it when a poop makes you groan like, "Aaaaaaeeeeeeeeeooooo!".

A vowel movement. I'll see myself out.

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More jokes about: #Movement #Groan
Man's wife is in a coma.

Man's wife is in a coma.

A woman was in a coma being cared for by the Intensive Care nursing staff who noticed a little reaction on the vital -signs monitor as they washed between her legs during a sponge bath.

They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement on the monitor.

As soon as they realised what had happened they went straight to her husband and told him: This may not work, but, maybe some oral sex could bring your wife out of the coma.

The husband remained skeptical, but he finally let himself be convinced.

The nurses took him to his wife's room and explained that they would leave them alone so they could have more privacy, but would be checking her vitals in the other room for any reaction.

After a few minutes the monitor's alarm goes off and she flatlines –no pulse, no heartbeat, nothing!

The nurses run into the room desperate to help the woman and see what went wrong, asking the husband, what happened?!?

He replied: I don't know… I think she choked…

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More jokes about: #Reaction #Sponge