Best 10000+ People quotes phone Jokes and Puns

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

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A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head.

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”

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Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?

Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?

A: Red paint.

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Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.

Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.

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Q: What do you call white people running down a hill?

Q: What do you call white people running down a hill? A: An avalanche. Q: What do you call Mexicans running down a hill? A: A mudslide. Q: What do you call black people running down a hill? A: A jail break.

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Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

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Yo momma so fat when she steps out in a yellow raincoat, the people yell, "TAXI!"

Yo momma so fat when she steps out in a yellow raincoat, the people yell, "TAXI!"

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* nerds phone rings in class *

* nerds phone rings in class *

Cool Guy - awww, was that your mommy?

* whole class laughs *

Nerd Guy - nope, it was yours.

* whole class is silent *

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How are black people and tornadoes the same?

How are black people and tornadoes the same? It only takes one to ruin a good neighborhood.

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When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation.

When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation.

I almost died in Finding Nemo.

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Q: Why do Chinese people have Chinese babies?

Q: Why do Chinese people have Chinese babies? A: Because two Wongs don't make a white.

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When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think its cute.

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think its cute. I just think it's crazy how many people bring knives on a date.

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Funny ways to answer the phone

Funny ways to answer the phone

1) Johns white house,you got the dough, we got the hoe

2) Hello Immigration service, you report em' we deport em

3) Jim's abortion clinic you rape em we scrape em

4) Westroad sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it

5) Sawyers sperm bank you jack it we back it

6) hello children's hospital,you beat em we treat em

7) chucks disposable dildos fuc em suc em and Chuck em

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Q: Why don't Black people take free cruises?

Q: Why don't Black people take free cruises? A: Because they aren't falling for that one again.

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A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck.

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

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There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane.

There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.

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I hate it when ugly people say "I need my beauty sleep."

I hate it when ugly people say "I need my beauty sleep." Bitch you need to hibernate.

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Failed my biology test today:

Failed my biology test today:

They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?"

Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.

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Light travels faster than sound.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."

The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use three english words in a sentence. The three words are 'green,' 'pink,' and 'yellow.'"

The Mexican man thinks , then says, "Hmmm, okay. The phone, it went green, green, green. I pink it up and sez yellow?"

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