Best 595 Product Jokes and Puns
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
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Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
A Scotsman was out having a very good time on Saturday night sampling the local product and on the way home he passed out along the lane.
A Scotsman was out having a very good time on Saturday night sampling the local product and on the way home he passed out along the lane. Later in the night a wind came blowing by and blew his kilt up to his waist. Well, we all know what a real Scotsman wears under his kilt. Early Sunday morning the two town spinsters came by and saw him laying there. "Prudence have you ever seen such a sight!" one exclaimed. "No I haven't Purity. He deserves some kind of punishment." As she searched her bag, she found something and said, "Here this should do it." And she tied a ribbon around his member. "Serves him right," they huffed and continued on to church. Later the Scotsman awoke and looked down at his member and saw the bright blue ribbon tied around it and said, "Aye Laddie, I dunna know where ye been, but ye won ferst prize!"
Read MoreLatest product in the market: George Bush condoms - ideal for f*ckers who dont know when to pull out
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
Read MoreIf karma was a currency, Reddit would be a capitalist society.
A university student was sent to help increase the production of apples in a village.
A university student was sent to help increase the production of apples in a village.
He went their and met a farmer. He pointed at a tree and asked,"is that tree yours?"The farmer said,"yes."The student asked,"How much apple did you get from that tree last year?"The farmer replied,"not a single one."The student happily said,"I knew it. The soil is of very poor qualit... read more
Read MoreIKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad dies at 91.
IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad dies at 91.
His funeral has been postponed until his family get the screw that wasn't included with his KÖFFIN product
Read MoreSamsung is permanently stopping production of the Galaxy Note7.
Samsung is permanently stopping production of the Galaxy Note7.
At least it went out with a bang.
Read MoreWhat is Pavlov's favorite hair product?.
What do you call a factory that sells good products ?
Testing products on animals.
Testing products on animals.
Guy: We need to stop testing our products on animals
Boss: Why? Shampoo companies do that all the time.
Guy: Ya. But we make hammers.
Read MoreChemistry joke!: what do protecting groups and more erotic protection have in common?
When you don't have a lot of work experience, but you have a lot of ex-girlfriends.
When you don't have a lot of work experience, but you have a lot of ex-girlfriends.
"Progressive problem solving skills in an increasingly difficult work environment, with ever increasing productivity goals, only for the company to downsize and lay you off because 'it wasn't you, it was me' reasons."
Read MoreA guy goes to a pharmacy and buys some slimming products.
Apple is developing a product—invented by Bart Simpson—that cleans your vehicle.
Apple is developing a product—invented by Bart Simpson—that cleans your vehicle.
The iCaroomba
Read MoreHave you heard of those psychos wanting to shift all cheese production to butter production?.
Have you heard of those psychos wanting to shift all cheese production to butter production?.
Some men just want to watch the world churn.
Read MoreThe Small Skulled Boss (nsfw).
The Small Skulled Boss (nsfw).
So, I'd been working at my company for a while (I won't say which one, but you probably have used their product today). Yesterday, the CEO of the company came into our department and had a sit down with me. When I first met him, the first thing I noticed was the size of his head. It was the size ... read more
Read MoreMy Mom said this to me.
My Mom said this to me.
Me:*can't open bag of chips*I can't open it!Must be a production error.
Mom:*Opens it with ease*You're a production error..
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