Newest 1383 Puns Jokes and Puns

I was trying to think of a neon pun.

I was trying to think of a neon pun.

Because I haven't got Ne.

Read More
More jokes about: #Neon
Yo mama is so fat...

Yo mama is so fat...

...I was crushed by the weight of the pun responsibility.

Read More
More jokes about: #Crushed
Puns I have constructed in the past few days.

Puns I have constructed in the past few days.

Nickels.

I've never met a serious game designer, they're all too busy making fun of things.

A mathematician ties a hemp rope and throws it up a tree. He called it a hypotenuse.

Ice is cool.

Read More
More jokes about: #Downgrade
I was thinking of making puns about grain...

I was thinking of making puns about grain...

But most people can *barley* stand it.

Yes, I know. That was pretty *corny*. You're probably thinking, "*Rye* did you do this?" I'm probably going too *farro* with this. I'm sorry

Read More
More jokes about: #Barley
Old enough to serve, not old enough to be served: the Army and Alcohol.

Old enough to serve, not old enough to be served: the Army and Alcohol.

, despite the fact that almost all of the puns were of the exact same format.

Anyway, I compiled all the puns from that thread, made a few alterations to improve the rhythm/meter, and also added a few of my own jokes. Enjoy.

When you're 18 - 20 in the United States of America, you're:

- old enough to get shot, not old enough to have a shot

- old enough for the draft, not old enough for what's on draft

- too old to whine, not old enough for wine

- old enough to shoot a shotgun, not old enough to shotgun

- old enough to lose your life at the war, not old enough to booze your life at the bar

- old enough for a purple heart, not old enough for a pabst blue ribbon

- old enough to waste someone, not old enough to get wasted

- old enough to face some shit, not old enough to get shitfaced

- old enough to deploy bombs, not old enough to jager bomb

- old enough to drive a tank, not old enough to get tanked

- old enough for PTSD, not old enough for Long Island Iced Tea

- old enough for a round of bullets, not old enough for a round of shots

- old enough for murder, not old enough for red rum

- old enough to kill a cadet, not old enough for tequila just yet

- old enough to kill a vet, not old enough for tequila yet

- old enough to screw, not old enough to brew

- old enough for drills and kills, not yet permitted to distill

- to cast his life, they will allow, yet still he can't drink whiskey now

- old enough to see death and all, but still too young to drink ethanol

Read More
What did one pizza tell the other pizza?.

What did one pizza tell the other pizza?.

A cheesy pun.

Read More
More jokes about: #Cheesy
I used to think that I was good at cheesy puns.

I used to think that I was good at cheesy puns.

But now I'm nacho sure.

Read More
More jokes about: #Cheesy
I'm no photographer, but I can picture us together.

I'm no photographer, but I can picture us together.

Read More
More jokes about: #One #Liner #Flirty #Puns
Puns are the lowest form of humour.

Puns are the lowest form of humour.

Unless you thought of it yourself, then is hilarious

Read More
More jokes about: #Lowest
Why don't kleptomaniacs don't get puns?.

Why don't kleptomaniacs don't get puns?.

They're always taking everything, literally.

Read More
Jokes/Puns!.

Jokes/Puns!.

1. What kind of birds always stick together? VEL CROWS.

2. What is a spider's favorite thing to do? SURF THE WEB.

3. What goes around the cow but never moves? THE FENCE.

4. Why didn't cheddar cheese want to hang out with bleu cheese? BECAUSE HE HAD A MOLDY PERSONALITY.

5. Why do fish swim in schools? BECAUSE THEY CANT WALK IN SCHOOLS.

6. How do you catch a unique rabbit? YOU NIQUE UP ON IT.

Read More
More jokes about: #Crows #Fish #Sticks #Moldy
I'm bad at 2 things: Baking and making puns but...

I'm bad at 2 things: Baking and making puns but...

I'll try my best to make you loaf

Read More
More jokes about: #Baking #Loaf
I once went to theatre for a surprise...

I once went to theatre for a surprise...

age and picked up the book, sat on the chair and opened the book at the start, and began.

"A, Aardvark..." at this utterence I stormed out my friend following.

My friend muttered apologetically, and I exploded at them "I thought you said this play had puns?"

My friend spluttered and explained "no, I told you, it was a play on words"

Read More
More jokes about: #Darken
A calculus pun for you math people.

A calculus pun for you math people.

A calculus professor explains an example problem to her class."To do this, you need to find the initial position of the object."A confused student asks, "y?""y₀," says the professor.

Read More
More jokes about: #Calculus
Why did the farmer only wear one boot to town?

Why did the farmer only wear one boot to town? He heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!

Read More
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving?

Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.

Read More
Someone said I couldn’t tell a pun about crooked teeth.

Someone said I couldn’t tell a pun about crooked teeth.

Well brace yourselves!!!!

Read More
More jokes about: #Crook #Brace #Teeth #Crooked
I can't find my Liszt of composer puns.

I can't find my Liszt of composer puns.

If any of you can get a Holst of it, could you Handel it to me?

Read More
More jokes about: #Handel #Composer
My mom said that my dad told too many puns and dad jokes. She said “you have your fathers genes”

My mom said that my dad told too many puns and dad jokes. She said “you have your fathers genes”.

I said his jeans are too big for me

Read More
More jokes about: #Genes #Gene
Crappy pun.

crappy pun.

me: you know how sometimes caps lock locks you out of a website ,because you forgot to turn it off when typing the password

human society: yes

me: I guess caps lock is awfully shifty

Read More
More jokes about: #Caps #Website #Crap