Best 10000+ Put down Jokes and Puns

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

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Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

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What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?It gets toad away.

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There is a black man, a white man, and a Mexican man on a plane that is too heavy to fly and they are about to crash.

There is a black man, a white man, and a Mexican man on a plane that is too heavy to fly and they are about to crash. They each have to throw something off the plane to save them from crashing. The black man throws out his Jordan shoes and says, "We have too many in our country.” The Mexican tosses out his lawn mower and says, "We have too many in our country.” The white man puts his item down, grabs the Mexican, throws him out the window and says, "We have too many in our country.”

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Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven."Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven."Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Six."Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven!"Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

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Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?

Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?A: "Put it on my bill."

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There was a redneckwho hit every black man he saw with his truck.

There was a redneckwho hit every black man he saw with his truck. One day he saw a priest walking down the road and thought, "For all the bad things I done, let me give this priest a ride." So he picked the priest up and they drove along. The redneck saw a black guy down the road and decided he would pretend to fall asleep and so the priest would think it was an accident. The redneck closed his eyes and heard a loud bang. "What happened?" he asked. "You missed him," the priest said, "but I got him with the door."

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How do you get the little black kids to stop jumping on the bed?

How do you get the little black kids to stop jumping on the bed? Put Velcro on the ceiling. How do you get them down? Tell the Mexican kids it's a piñata.

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A man and a woman meet in an elevator.

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

"I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

"About $20."

"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.

The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.

"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"

"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

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Q: What do you call white people running down a hill?

Q: What do you call white people running down a hill? A: An avalanche. Q: What do you call Mexicans running down a hill? A: A mudslide. Q: What do you call black people running down a hill? A: A jail break.

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A guy walks into a bar with an alligator.

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."

The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."

He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"

The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

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A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

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Why did so many black men get killed in Vietnam?

Why did so many black men get killed in Vietnam?

When the generals would yell, "Get down!" they would all start dancing.

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I was in in the public restroom

I was in in the public restroom

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall:

"Hi, how are you?"

Me: (embarrassed) "Doin' fine!"

Stall: "So what are you up to?"

Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."

Stall: "Can I come over?"

Me: (attitude) "No, I'm a little busy right now!!"

Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!

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Roses are red

Roses are red

Nuts are brown

Skirts go up

Pants go down

Body to body Skin to skin

When its stiff

Stick it in

The Longer its in

The Stronger it gets

It goes in dry And comes out wet

It comes out dripping And starts to sag

Its not what you think......

Its a Teabag

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A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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How do you starve a black person?

How do you starve a black person? Put their food stamp card under their workboots!

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A cowboy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks for a shot.

A cowboy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks for a shot. Across the bar, a Mexican man is sitting and glaring at the cowboy. The cowboy takes the shot and slams the shot glass down on the counter, yelling, "TGIF!" The Mexican orders a shot, takes it, and slams his glass down, yelling, "SPIT!" The cowboy looks over at him and notices the Mexican guy is still staring at him. The cowboy once again orders a shot, slams it down, and yells again "TGIF!" Once again, the Mexican orders a shot, slams it down after consuming it, and yells out, "SPIT!" This goes on for a while, and the bartender stands puzzled and annoyed. Finally, the bartender asks the cowboy, "Just checking, but do you know what TGIF means?" and the cowboy replies, "Hell ya I know what it means, 'Thank God It's Friday!'" The bartender asks the Mexican guy, "Okay, so what does 'SPIT' mean?" and the Mexican replies, "Stupid Pendejo It's Thursday!"

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A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know

A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know

anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"

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