Best 10000+ Put through Jokes and Puns

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

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Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

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There is a black man, a white man, and a Mexican man on a plane that is too heavy to fly and they are about to crash.

There is a black man, a white man, and a Mexican man on a plane that is too heavy to fly and they are about to crash. They each have to throw something off the plane to save them from crashing. The black man throws out his Jordan shoes and says, "We have too many in our country.” The Mexican tosses out his lawn mower and says, "We have too many in our country.” The white man puts his item down, grabs the Mexican, throws him out the window and says, "We have too many in our country.”

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Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven."Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven."Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Six."Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven!"Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

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Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?

Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?A: "Put it on my bill."

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More jokes about: #Clean jokes #Animal jokes
How do you get the little black kids to stop jumping on the bed?

How do you get the little black kids to stop jumping on the bed? Put Velcro on the ceiling. How do you get them down? Tell the Mexican kids it's a piñata.

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A guy walks into a bar with an alligator.

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."

The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."

He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"

The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

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A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

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A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."

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How do you starve a black person?

How do you starve a black person? Put their food stamp card under their workboots!

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A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know

A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know

anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"

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Bob was in trouble.

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

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Something To Do When You're Bored:

Something To Do When You're Bored:

1. Catch a fly.

2. Put it in the freezer.

3. Wait 10 minutes.

4. Take out the fly, it will be unconcious, not dead.

5. Pull out a strand of hair or a thin piece of string.

6. Tie it around the fly.

7. Wait till it wakes up.

BAM! Your very own pet fly

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Your momma is so stupid she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.

Your momma is so stupid she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.

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"Babe is it in?"

"Babe is it in?" "Yea."

"Does it hurt?" "Uh huh."

"Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts."

"Okay, let's try another shoe size."

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Guy: Wanna suck my dick?

Guy: Wanna suck my dick?

Girl: No.

Guy: Probably for the best. I mean, it has a label-Warning! Choking Hazard!

Girl: Isn't that the warning put on tiny objects?

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A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana.

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

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Yo mama's so stupid she put paper on the television and called it paper view.

Yo mama's so stupid she put paper on the television and called it paper view.

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Little Girl: Mom what's this *she pulled down her pants*

Little Girl: Mom what's this *she pulled down her pants*

Mom: That's your garage, don't let boys put their car into your garage

She nods and hops off

Next door

Little Boy: Dad whats this? *he pulls down his pants*

Dad: That's your car, you need to put that into a girls garage

He nods and hops off

Little girl walks in with her hands covered with blood

Mom: WHAT HAPPENED!?

Little Girl: The little boy from next door tried to put his car into my garage so I pulled its wheels off

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Yo mamma so stupid she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

Yo mamma so stupid she tried to put MM's in alphabetical order.

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