Best 10000+ Really good Jokes and Puns

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven."Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven."Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Six."Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven!"Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

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A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

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More jokes about: #Blonde jokes
Boy: The principal is so dumb!

Boy: The principal is so dumb!

Girl: Do you know who I am?

Boy: No...

Girl: I am the principal's daughter!

Boy: Do you know who I am?

Girl: No...

Boy: Good! *walks away*

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More jokes about: #Funny
How are black people and tornadoes the same?

How are black people and tornadoes the same? It only takes one to ruin a good neighborhood.

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?"

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

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More jokes about: #Food jokes #Family jokes
My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing?

My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing? Apparently "heating your dinner" wasn't a good answer.

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive...

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

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Bob was in trouble.

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

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More jokes about: #Insult jokes
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 votes we'll try anal.

My girlfriend said if this gets 100 votes we'll try anal.

So please don't vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
A typical macho man married a typical good looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules.

A typical macho man married a typical good looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules.

"I'll be home when I want, if I want, what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here or not."

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?Her: Awww... Yes!!!Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Why do black people eat fried chicken?

Why do black people eat fried chicken?

Because it tastes good.

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Having sex is like playing bridge.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big.

A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

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More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
A mother said to her son, "Look at that kid over there; he's not misbehaving."

A mother said to her son, "Look at that kid over there; he's not misbehaving." The son replied, "Maybe he has good parents then!"

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Sex is good, sex is fine.

Sex is good, sex is fine.

doggy style or 69,

just 4 fun or getting paid,

everyone loves getting laid,

so if u want me in the sack,

lick ur lips n kickass me back.

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I dyed my hair. I'm naturally blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Student: "would you ever punish me for something I didn't do?"

Student: "would you ever punish me for something I didn't do?"

Teacher: "of course not."

Student: "good cause, I didn't do my homework..."

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More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom.

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes