Best 332 Rough Jokes and Puns

Girl: "Girls are better than boys."

Girl: "Girls are better than boys."Boy: "Then why did God make boys first?"Girl: "Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy."

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Top ten reasons hockey is better than women

Top ten reasons hockey is better than women

1. In hockey, everyone likes it rough

2. You only get five minutes for fighting

3. 'Puck' is not a dirty word

4. You don't have to play in the neutral zone

5. It is possible to score a few times in a night

6. When you 'pull the goalie' nobody get pregnant

7. Missing teeth doesn't stop you from scoring

8. You can alway get new wood when your stick breaks

9. The zamboni gets to clean up the mess

10. Periods only last 20 minuets

11. You can share and rate this kickass

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A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" store looking for a job.

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The young guy says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average sales to 25 to 30 customers a day.

This is gonna have to change very soon if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

The kid looks up at his boss and says "$124,548.88".

The boss, astonished, says $124,548.88??? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Chevrolet Suburban."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a SUV???"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Bro, your weekend's a mess, you should go fishing.

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One day, the pope was in from Italy and after a rough week of meeting archbishops and other religious figures, he decided to go see the Galveston shore in Texas.

One day, the pope was in from Italy and after a rough week of meeting archbishops and other religious figures, he decided to go see the Galveston shore in Texas.

When he arrives in his pope mobile, he sees a man struggling for his life aginst a shark.

Upon a closer look he notices that it is John Kerry.

Horrified, he starts to call for help when a speedboat pulls up along side Mr. Kerry, with George W. Bush and Dick Cheney on board. Dick Cheney leans over and pulls him out. Then George W. Busy and Dick Cheney begin to beat the shark to death with baseball bats.

The two men notice the Pope and land the boat on the beach.

The pope says to the men, "I know that there has been a lot of attention and a lot of strife in this election, but I can see that you two men respect each other and would help each other in their house of need. You have my blessings."

The pope packs off and drives out of site.

Bush asks, "Who was that?"

"That was the pope Mr. President, he is all knowing and in touch with God. Leader of the Catholic Church," says Cheney.

Bush says, "Well that's all neat and fine, but he doesn't know anything about shark fishing. Hows the bait holding up?"

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
A woman goes to the doctor with a black eye, and really lookind rough.

a woman goes to the doctor with a black eye, and really lookind rough. the doc says, "what happened?" the woman replies, "everytime my husband goes out and gets drunk on beer he beats me when he gets home." the doc thinks for a minute and says, "I have a remedy for that... the next time your husband comes home drunk on beer just make yourself a glass of iced tea, and swish it around in your mouth until he goes to bed." the woman goes home. two weeks later she returns to her doctor. the doc says, "you look great, did you try my advice?" the woman replies, "yes i did, but how did you know it would work?" he tells her "see what happens when you keep your mouth shut for a change?"

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More jokes about: #Funny
When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex.

When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex. Not the whole entire relationship.

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More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
Yesterday I lost 100 sheets of sandpaper...

Yesterday I lost 100 sheets of sandpaper...

But I have a rough idea where they are

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More jokes about: #Rough
I used to be a rough-and-tumble bacterium.

I used to be a rough-and-tumble bacterium.

But then I got cultured.

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A young cowboy walks into the saloon in a rough and dusty Western town in Texas.

A young cowboy walks into the saloon in a rough and dusty Western town in Texas.

He sits at the counter, and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chowder.After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowboy, “If you ain’t gonna eat that, do ya mind if I do?”The older cowb... read more

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There was a support group for ugly people.

There was a support group for ugly people.

and each month when they would meet, there would be a small bus to pick them all up and take them to the meeting. Well one stormy night after picking everyone up the bus driver lost control of the bus on a bridge and it plummeted into the water and all of those hideous ugly people drowned.

So they go to heaven and St. Peter is there and he says

"Wow, you guys had it rough! I mean look at you!"

and then he says

"You know what? I am going to give each of you one wish, and then send you back to earth, here line up and tell me what your wish is."

So the ugly people lined up and the person in the front of the line says

"Oh I got it!, I want to be beautiful!"

So St. Peter complied.

The next person in line sees what happened to the first person

and says "Make me beautiful too!"

So he did.

At that moment, there seemed to be someone giggling from the end of the line. St. Peter didn't know what was so funny but he kept on granting wishes and one by one each person in line asked to be beautiful.

Finally St Peter gets to the end of the line and the last person is just about to explode with laughter. He can hardly contain himself.

St Peter says... "Ok.. what is your wish?"

and the man says

"Make em' all ugly again!"

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More jokes about: #Heaven #All #Night
The road by my house was in bad condition after a rough winter.

The road by my house was in bad condition after a rough winter. Every day I dodged potholes on the way to work. So I was relieved to see a construction crew working on the road one morning. Later, on my way home, I noticed no improvement. But where the construction crew had been working stood a new, bright-yellow sign with the words Rough Road.

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There once was a man named Ivan who lived with his family in a Siberian forest...

There once was a man named Ivan who lived with his family in a Siberian forest...

After years of living in the harsh region, Ivan became rough, tough, hard to bluff, and extremely used to hardship.He was large, muscular, and able to chop down a fully grown Siberian pine tree with one swing of his axe. This came in handy as Ivan had to chop down many trees to be used as fi... read more

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A mathematician, a physicist, and a statistician all go hunting.

A mathematician, a physicist, and a statistician all go hunting.

After sitting quietly on a hillside for a few hours, they spot a buck in the field below.The mathematician measures up his shot and does some rough calculations on bullet drop, then fires. He misses about 5 feet to the left.The physicist says "you forgot to account for wind!" He line... read more

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A boy named Carol had a particularly rough childhood because of his uncommon name. He always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school. Eventually, he overcame his hang-up and married his high-school sweetheart.

A boy named Carol had a particularly rough childhood because of his uncommon name. He always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school. Eventually, he overcame his hang-up and married his high-school sweetheart.

one day and screamed at her dad, asking why he gave her such a stupid name.

Carol took the blame to protect his wife and apologized.

In a fit of rage, Love shot him with her dart gun and ran away.

Minutes later, Carol's wife came home and saw him lying on the ground.

"What happened?!" she asked, running to him.

He waved her closer, and whispered, "Shot through the heart, and you're to blame. Darling, you gave Love a bad name."

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How does Anakin like his sex?.

How does Anakin like his sex?.

Course, rough and getting everywhere

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I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.

I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.

To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

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So I was having really rough sex with my girlfriend the other day and she started bleeding...

So I was having really rough sex with my girlfriend the other day and she started bleeding...

And I told her that she'd better get used to it, because in a couple of years she's going to be bleeding every month.

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More jokes about: #Rough #Month
Yesterday was a rough day I bent down to pet a boxer.

Yesterday was a rough day I bent down to pet a boxer.

and he beat the living hell out of me.

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You know you're in for a rough Prostate Exam...

You know you're in for a rough Prostate Exam...

...when you get into "position" and, right after the doctor snaps his gloves on, the nurse leans forward and gives you the "safe word"

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A man showed up at work Monday morning with a black eye and a bandage on his head...

A man showed up at work Monday morning with a black eye and a bandage on his head...

His coworkers asked what happened and he told them he had a golf injury. They couldn't understand how such a thing could happen playing golf."Well," he explained, "I shot off the 5th tee and hooked it right into the rough, where the ball then wound up in a pasture. I was walking all around s... read more

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More jokes about: #Bandage #Pinnacle