Best 10000+ Seeing Jokes and Puns

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

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Yo momma is so hairy, when she went to the movie theater to see Star Wars, everybody screamed and said, "IT'S CHEWBACCA!"

Yo momma is so hairy, when she went to the movie theater to see Star Wars, everybody screamed and said, "IT'S CHEWBACCA!"

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Yo momma is so stupid she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

Yo momma is so stupid she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

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Yo momma is so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo momma is so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

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A blonde and a redhead have a ranch.

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

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Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.

Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.

Girl: ok.(climbs the flagpole)

Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole. Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear!

...Next Day...

(Same boy): I'll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole!

Girl: OK thanks! (climbs the flagpole)

Girl: Mommy Mommy today the boy paid me 20 BUCKS for climbing the flagpole, but today I tricked him this time I wasn't wearing underwear.

Mom:...

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A guy walks into a bar with an alligator.

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."

The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."

He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"

The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

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A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator.

A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."

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When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation.

When people go underwater in scary movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation.

I almost died in Finding Nemo.

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At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

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Add a word to ruin a movie:

Add a word to ruin a movie:

- Batman Begins College

- The Longest Yard Sale

- Charlottes Web Cam.

View the comments to see more!

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When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think its cute.

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think its cute. I just think it's crazy how many people bring knives on a date.

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Friend: Dude, I can't stop dreaming about my crush.

Friend: Dude, I can't stop dreaming about my crush.

Me: Well imagine this... You're home alone, and your crush comes over to visit.

Friend: Ok I can see it...

Me: She walks into your room and you're just sitting there.

Friend: Uh-huh.. I'm likin' this.

Me: Ok. So she walks in front of you, takes her pants off. She's not wearing any underwear.. And then she sits on you.

Friend: Oh-ho-hoo.. Whatta' naughty girl.

Me: Yeah, ok. Don't get dirty on me. So she's sitting on you. And then... she starting shitting in you. Right then and there, you find out you're a toilet.

Friend: I hate you...

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Can you see the the mistake?

Can you see the the mistake?

10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

Like if you found it ;)

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Vote kickass if you're in the age zone of 10-21

Vote kickass if you're in the age zone of 10-21

Vote lame if you are in the age zone of 22-100

"Just want to see the age of most readers"

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There is an overweight guy who is watching TV.

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.

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Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner.

Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn't start, and it was too late to call the local service station.

The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house; there wasn't even a sofa. So Charlie would have to sleep with the husband and wife. No sooner had the husband fallen asleep when the wife taped Charlie on the shoulder and motioned for him to come over to her. "I couldn't do that," he whispered. "Your husband is my best friend!" "Listen, sugar," she whispered back, "there ain't nothing in the whole wide world could wake hime up now." "I can't believe that," Charlie said. "Certainly if I get on top of you and screw you, he'll wake up won't he? "Sugar, he certainly won't. If you don't believe me, pluck a hair out of his asshole and see if that wakes him." Charlie did just that. He was amazed when the husband remained asleep. So he climbed over to the wife's side of the bed and fucked her.

When he finished, he climbed back to his own side. It wasn't long before she tapped him on the shoulder and beckoned him over again. Again he pulled a hair to determine if his old friend was asleep. This went on eight times during the night. Each time Charlie screwed the woman, he first pulled out one of the husband's asshole hairs.

The ninth time he pulled a hair, the husband awoke and muttered: "Listen, Charlie, old pal, I don't mind you fucking my wife, but for Pete's sake, stop using my ass for a scoreboard!"

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A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

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A white guy goes into a bar and sees a black bartender.

A white guy goes into a bar and sees a black bartender.

He says, "yo, nigger, get me a beer!"

The bartender says, "that's very rude. How would you like it if I talked to you like that?"

The white guy says, "let's switch places and see!"

So they switch places.

The bartender says, " yo, cracka, get me a beer!"

The white guy says, "sorry, we don't serve niggers here!"

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A guy decides to do something nice for his girlfriend before they leave on vacation so he gets her name tattooed on his penis.

A guy decides to do something nice for his girlfriend before they leave on vacation so he gets her name tattooed on his penis. He comes home and shows it to her. She looks at it and says, "That's great, sweetie, but what is 'Wy'?" He tells her to rub it and as she does she sees it actually reads "Wendy." When they arrive at Montego Bay, the couple are walking along a nude beach and the boyfriend notices a black guy with "Wy" on his penis. He asks the man if he also has a girlfriend named Wendy. The black guy laughs and says, "Nah, mon, mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day.'"

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