Best 1596 Sending Jokes and Puns

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch.

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

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Where do you send Jewish kids with Attention Deficit Disorder?

Where do you send Jewish kids with Attention Deficit Disorder?

Concentration Camp!

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There's this black kid that goes to school and realizes teachers treat him differently than the white kids.

There's this black kid that goes to school and realizes teachers treat him differently than the white kids. So, he goes home, paints himself white and shows his dad. His dad beats the crud outta him. He shows his mother, "Hey Ma, Look! I'm white!" He gets beat by his mom too. Lastly, he shows his Grandmother, "Grandma, Look! I'm white! She beats him badly with her cane and sends him to his room. Later, his dad comes into his room and asks, "Son, did you learn anything out of this?" And the boy replies, "Duh! I've only been white for an hour and I already hate three niggers!"

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More jokes about: #Funny #Racial
A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer.

A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money sweetheart. I could send you, your sister, and your brother to great colleges, so sure, I would!” He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies, “Brad Pitt? Hell ya, he’s the hottest guy ever!” Next, the boy asks his brother who replies, “A million dollars? Hell yes I would. I’d be rich!” When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses, the dad says, “Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer.”

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More jokes about: #Sexist jokes
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

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More jokes about: #Lazy #Quotes #Top #100
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."

Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish." Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."

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More jokes about: #Technology jokes
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas."

A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas."

Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Yo momma so stupid, she tried to talk into an envelope to send a voicemail.

Yo momma so stupid, she tried to talk into an envelope to send a voicemail.

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
My teacher sends this Chinese kid out of the classroom cause she thought he was sleeping -_-

My teacher sends this Chinese kid out of the classroom cause she thought he was sleeping -_-

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More jokes about: #Funny #Racial
A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan.

A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend.

In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him.

To add injury to the insult, she said she wanted back the picture of herself that she had given him.

So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find.

In all, he got more than 25 pictures of various women (some with clothes and some without).

He then mailed them to his now-former girlfriend with the following note:

"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."

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More jokes about: #Funny
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

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More jokes about: #One #Liner #Christmas #Dirty #Kids #Sport
Yo mama is so stupid!!!!

Yo mama is so stupid!!!! she yelled into a envelope bcuz she was trying to send a VOICEMAIL...

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More jokes about: #Funny #Yo #Momma
A Jewish businessman in America decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland.

A Jewish businessman in America decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland. When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip. The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity." "Oy vey," said the father. "What have I done?" He decided to go ask his friend Jacob what to do. Jacob said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi and ask him what we should do." So they went to see the Rabbi. The Rabbi said, "Funny you should ask.I too sent my son to Israel. He also came back a Christian. What is happening to our young people? Perhaps we should go talk to God and ask him what to do." The three of them prayed and explained what had happened to their sons and asked God what to do. Suddenly a voice came loud and clear from Heaven. The Voice said, "funny you should ask, I too sent my son to Isreal..."

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More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Ten Things I know about you

1) You are reading this.

2) You are human.

3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips.

4) You just attempted to do it.

6) You are laughing at yourself.

7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.

8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.

9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person everyone does it too.

10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.

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More jokes about: #Clever #Fun #Stuff #Silly
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Send her into a circular room and tell her to find the corner. Q: How does a blonde confuse you? A: She finds a corner.

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A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party.

A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party.

Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replies the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills.

When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.

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More jokes about: #Office jokes
After numerous rounds of, "We don't know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

After numerous rounds of, "We don't know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Kennedy opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message, 370HSSV-0773H. Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. Noone could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help. Within a few seconds the Marine Corps cabled back with this reply, "Tell Kennedy he's holding the message upside down."

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More jokes about: #Political jokes
A man who is just married is flying to the Florida Keys for a business trip.

A man who is just married is flying to the Florida Keys for a business trip. His new bride is to accompany him the next day. When he gets there, he e-mails his wife to let her know he made it there safely. When he sends the e-mail, he mistypes the address. In Boston, a grieving widow, whose husband has recently passed away, receives the e-mail. She reads it, screams, and faints. Hearing her grandmother’s cry, the widow's 18 year old granddaughter runs into the living room to see the computer on, with a message that reads, "Dear love, I just got here. Preparing for your arrival tomorrow. Can't wait to see you. Love, Me. P.S. Sure is hot down here."

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An Illinois man  left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.

An Illinois man  left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife,Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.

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More jokes about: #Funny #Stories #Long
When you send nudes to your roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone…

When you send nudes to your roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone…

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More jokes about: #Sound