Best 10000+ Sound good Jokes and Puns

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven."Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven."Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Six."Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven!"Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

Read More
Boy: The principal is so dumb!

Boy: The principal is so dumb!

Girl: Do you know who I am?

Boy: No...

Girl: I am the principal's daughter!

Boy: Do you know who I am?

Girl: No...

Boy: Good! *walks away*

Read More
More jokes about: #Funny
How are black people and tornadoes the same?

How are black people and tornadoes the same? It only takes one to ruin a good neighborhood.

Read More
More jokes about: #Popular jokes
A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?"

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

Read More
More jokes about: #Food jokes #Family jokes
My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing?

My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing? Apparently "heating your dinner" wasn't a good answer.

Read More
More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive...

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

Read More
Light travels faster than sound.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Read More
More jokes about: #Insult jokes
Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim."

Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.

Read More
More jokes about: #Word play jokes #Popular jokes
A typical macho man married a typical good looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules.

A typical macho man married a typical good looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules.

"I'll be home when I want, if I want, what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here or not."

Read More
More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?Her: Awww... Yes!!!Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me

Read More
More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Why do black people eat fried chicken?

Why do black people eat fried chicken?

Because it tastes good.

Read More
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs water skiing?

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs water skiing?

I dont know, but that sounds like a highly improbable circumstance.

Read More
Having sex is like playing bridge.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Read More
More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Read More
More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
A mother said to her son, "Look at that kid over there; he's not misbehaving."

A mother said to her son, "Look at that kid over there; he's not misbehaving." The son replied, "Maybe he has good parents then!"

Read More
More jokes about: #Popular jokes
Sex is good, sex is fine.

Sex is good, sex is fine.

doggy style or 69,

just 4 fun or getting paid,

everyone loves getting laid,

so if u want me in the sack,

lick ur lips n kickass me back.

Read More
More jokes about: #Funny #Dirty
Student: "would you ever punish me for something I didn't do?"

Student: "would you ever punish me for something I didn't do?"

Teacher: "of course not."

Student: "good cause, I didn't do my homework..."

Read More
More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
Whore: You're so ugly!

Whore: You're so ugly!

Me: Really?

Whore: Yes!

Me: Good, I was trying to look like you today.

Read More
More jokes about: #Funny #Comeback
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."

Read More
More jokes about: #Pop culture jokes
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"

Read More
More jokes about: #Popular jokes