Best 135 Stain Jokes and Puns

Dirty Places

Dirty Places

Arsoli (Lazio, Italy)

Assonet (Massachusetts, USA)

Bastard (Norway)

Bastardstown (County Wexford, Ireland)

Bear Butte (South Dakota, USA)

Beaver (Oklahoma, USA)

Beaver Head (Idaho, USA)

Beaver Lick Baptist Church (11460 US Hwy 42; Union, KY 41091-9483;USA)

Big Bone Lick State Park (Kentucky, south of Cincinnati; USA)

Bonar Bridge (Scotland)

Brown Willy (Cornwall,UK)

Bumpass Creek (Alabama, USA)

Butte City (Idaho, USA)

Butt's Corner (New York, USA)

Chinaman's Knob (Australia)

Climax (Colorado, USA)

Climax Springs (Missouri, USA)

Cocksgag (Ohio, USA)

Cocke County (Tennessee, USA)

Cunt (Spain)

Cunter (Switzerland)

Devil's Dyke (United Kingdom)

Dikshit (India)

Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada)

Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia border)

Dongo (Congo - Democratic Republic)

Effin (Limerick, Ireland)

Erect (Randolph County, North Carolina, USA)

Fairy Glen (Saskatchewan, Canada)

Fanny Bay (Australia)

Fertile (Iowa, USA)

Flasher (North Dakota, USA)

Fucking (Part of the municipality of Tarsdorf, in the Innviertel region of Upper Austria)

Frenchman Butte (Saskatchewan, Canada)

Fuku (Shensi, China)

Fukue (Honshu, Japan)

Fukui (Honshu, Japan)

Fukum (Yemen)

Gayhead Island (Martha's Vineyard, MA.....yes there is a ferry to Gayhead Island)

Gaylordsville (Connecticut, USA)

Gassville (Arkansas, USA)

Gnaw Bone (Indiana, USA)

Hardup (Utah, USA)

Hell (Michigan, USA)

Hold With Hope (Greenland)

Hookersville (West Virginia, USA)

Humptulips (Washington, USA)

Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)

Kisslegg (Bavaria, Germany)

Knob Lick (Kentucky, USA)

Koksoak River (Canada)

Lickey End (West Midlands, UK)

Lick Run (Pennsylvania, USA)

Likwang (China)

Little Dix Village (West Indies)

Lord Berkeley's Knob (Sutherland, Scotland)

Middle Intercourse Island (Australia)

Moorhead (Mississippi, USA)

Muff (Northern Ireland)

Naked City (Indiana, USA)

Nobber (Donegal, Ireland)

Onenut (California, USA)

Packwood (Iowa, USA)

Penisthorpe (England, recently changed to Pensthorpe) Penistone (South Yorkshire, UK)

Pis Pis River (Nicaragua)

Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines)

Seymen (Turkey)

Shafter (California, USA)

Shag Island (Indian Ocean)

Shitlingthorpe (Yorkshire, UK)

Slackbottom (Yorkshire, UK)

Smuts (Saskatchewan, Canada)

Stains (France)

Stillorgan (Ireland)

Smackover (Arkansas, USA)

Tingley (Iowa, USA)

Titisee (Freiburg, Germany)

Tittybong (Australia)

Tong Fuk (Japan)

Top Ryde (New South Wales, Australia)

Turdo (Romania)

Twatt (Orkney, UK)

Wank (Germany)

Wankendorf (Schleswig-Holstein, Germany)

Wankener (India)

Wankie (Zimbabwe)

Wankie Colliery (Zimbabwe)

Wanks River (Nicaragua)

Wankum (Germany)

Wet Beaver Creek (Australia)

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More jokes about: #Funny #Pun
Bob, a lawyer,.

Bob, a lawyer,.

in hand, and motioned him to the side of the bridge.

Bob pulled over like a good citizen. The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going, boy?" Bob thought for a second and said, "Uh, 60?" "67 miles per hour, son! 67 miles per hour in a 55 zone!" said the cop.

"But if you already knew, officer," replied Bob, "why did you ask me?" Fuming over Bob's answer, the officer growled and said in his sarcastic fashion, "That's speeding, and you're getting a ticket and a fine!"

The cop took a good close look at Bob in his stained fishing attire and said, "You don't even look like you have a job!

Why, I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!" Bob answered, "I've got a job! I have a good, well-paying job!" The cop leaned in the window, smelling Bob's fish, and said, "What kind of job would a bum like you have?"

“I'm a rectum stretcher!" replied Bob. "What did you say, boy?" asked the patrolman. "I'm a rectum stretcher!" The cop, scratching his head, asked, "What does a rectum stretcher do?" Bob explained, "People call me up and say they need to be stretched, so I go over to their house. I start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more, then one whole hand, and then two. Then I slowly pull them farther and farther apart until it's a full six feet across."

The cop, absorbed with these bizarre images in his mind, asked, "What the hell do you do with a six-foot asshole?"

Bob said, "You give him a radar gun and place him by a bridge!"

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More jokes about: #Fillet #Patrolman
Farting in bed.

Farting in bed.

ad with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, Honey you were right all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you. What do you mean? asked his wife. Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in.........

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More jokes about: #Christmas #Day
3 Musketeers is a good name 
for a chocolate bar, but a bad name 
for an Army division.

3 Musketeers is a good name

for a chocolate bar, but a bad name

for an Army division. Shout is a good name for

a stain remover, but a better name

for a senior citizen home. PetSmart is a good name for

a pet store, but the best name

for a university. Andy Simmons

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More jokes about: #Puns
What do you need to clean the stain of Trumps presidency?.

What do you need to clean the stain of Trumps presidency?.

Gerni Sanders

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More jokes about: #Stain #Presidency
A doctor has three patients lined up for breast exams...

A doctor has three patients lined up for breast exams...

The first comes in and takes her shirt off. The doctor sees a red letter "H" on her chest and asks what it is. She tells him "My boyfriend goes to Harvard and is so proud he keeps his sweatshirt on during sex and the ink runs."

The next woman enters and disrobes, and there is a blue "Y" on her body. The doctor asks and she tells him how her boyfriend goes to Yale and is so proud he won't take his sweatshirt off, even during sex, and the sweat caused a stain.

His last patient comes in, and she has a red "M" on her chest. The doctor thinks this new phenomenon is strange, but he knows a pattern when he sees it. He says to her, "Let me guess, you have a boyfriend that goes to Maryland, right?" "No," she replies, "I have a girlfriend that goes to Wisconsin, why?"

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More jokes about: #Lined #Harvard
My neighbor's wife is better than mine!.

My neighbor's wife is better than mine!.

r>At that moment, I just had a brilliant idea.

"Don't sweat it, neighbor! I'm on vacation and painting walls is my favorite hobby! It would be a pleasure to do this task."

The guy accepted the offer and was really happy.

I don't want to brag about my conversation skills, but I barely started to paint the apartment and I already had that woman in bed with me.

But, bad luck... We were just starting and I did not expect the husband to forget his documents and that, for that reason, he had to return home at that specific moment.

The woman, listening to her husband opening the door, runs to the bathroom, and the guy enters the room and finds me, naked, at the top of the ladder, giving a few strokes on the wall.

Screaming, he asked,

-"What the fuck is this? ... You started painting in my bedroom, and naked?"

-"Fuck you, I'm working for free, so I start wherever I want!"

-"But naked? ..."

-"You really wanted me to stain my new clothes with paint?"

-"And with a boner, you son of a bitch?"

-"And where am I going to hang the fucking bucket ?! ..."

Btw, english is not my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistakes.

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More jokes about: #Hobby
The young queen of France was getting her clothes washed.

The young queen of France was getting her clothes washed.

One of the maids called on the other slightly deaf maid to come down and help her wash the clothes."Hey, can you help me? There is a stain on The Majesties pants!""Come again?""Probably!"

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More jokes about: #Queen #Cloth #Clothe #Clothes #France
Parachute for sale...

Parachute for sale...

...Used once, never opened, small stain.

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More jokes about: #Stain
My dog stains and I went to the dog park.

My dog stains and I went to the dog park.

All the Karen's weren't pleased when I walked around yelling "come stains". What the heck is wrong with them anyways?

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More jokes about: #Stain
I don't think that's a drool stain.

I don't think that's a drool stain.

A pretty young girl goes into a her local dry-cleaners with an evening dress under her arm. She shows the dress to the old man behind the counter and asks

"It's really not too dirty except for this one stain, can you take care of the stain for me, please?"

The old man is hard of hearing and says

"Come again?"

The girl replies

"No, just some mustard."

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More jokes about: #Stain
Why do you want divorce?.

Why do you want divorce?.

eyes won't burn. Before washing utensils just immerse them in water tub for 10 minutes , they can be easily washed.

Before washing clothes in Surf, soak them in water for half an hour , all the stains will go away and even hands won't get tired.

Petitioner: Understood Your honour. Please return my petition.

Judge: What have you understood?

Petitioner: That your condition is worse than mine.

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More jokes about: #Immerse
Girl walks up to a guy and says "hey, you've got a white stain on your shirt".

Girl walks up to a guy and says "hey, you've got a white stain on your shirt".

Guy says, "Sorry, it's genetic."

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More jokes about: #Genetic #Stain
The best part about Netflix is there are no commercials.

The best part about Netflix is there are no commercials.

On an unrelated note, does anyone know how to get urine stains out of a couch?

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More jokes about: #Netflix #Unrelated
What did the nerd say to the dirty energy drink stained window that he was cleaning?.

What did the nerd say to the dirty energy drink stained window that he was cleaning?.

Die Red-Bull Scum!

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More jokes about: #Redbull #Stained
I invited two people from the US Coast over for coffee.

I invited two people from the US Coast over for coffee.

They left stains all over my coffee table.

I expected them 2 US coasters

This joke still needs some work...

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More jokes about: #Stains
A man's wife tells him "if you ever come back drunk again I'll leave you".

A man's wife tells him "if you ever come back drunk again I'll leave you".

One night he goes out to a pub with a mate for a few drinks. They've both had a bit too much and eventually one of them is sick all over himself staining his shirt.He's very embarrassed and exclaims to his friend "I can't go home looking like this. My wife will leave me!"His friend c... read more

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More jokes about: #Staining #Somebody #Stain #Stumbling
In the year 1897 a young man named Jonathan Quimby set out for adventure from the frontier city of Seattle. He'd risked his entire life savings to make the trek to the Yukon to prospect.

In the year 1897 a young man named Jonathan Quimby set out for adventure from the frontier city of Seattle. He'd risked his entire life savings to make the trek to the Yukon to prospect.

frothing waters.

His journey from Skagway to the Klondike wasn't any easier. Halfway through the journey, a blizzard caught him by surprise. One of his two pack horses didn't survive the frigid night. Wolves took care of the other three days later.

Pressing on he finally arrived in the Yukon, pulling his sled by hand. There, he discovered that all the claims had been taken, except for one on the outskirts of the town. The claim had not been taken because it seemed to have little promise.

He worked the claim for weeks, with his gold pan, his pick, and his shovel. Day after day he toiled, his supplies and hope dwindling with each shovel-full of frozen soil lifted from the earth.

After 9 months, his food supplies were exhausted, as were his mind and body. For all his labor, Jonathan still had nothing to show for all his labor. Dejected and despairing, he made his way back to Dawson and spent his last dollar on a shot of watered-down cheap whiskey. He'd brought his gold pan with him to use as a plate for a meal, but he didn't have the means to purchase even a cup of moose stew.

With tears welling in his eyes, he left the bar and slumped to the muddy boardwalk outside the blacksmith shop. The pan dropped from his dejected fingers onto the ground in front of him.

After all his labor, sacrifice, sweat, blood, and tears, he had nothing to show for it. Full of shame and despair, he wept in bitterness unabashedly, heedless of the men passing by on the boardwalk.

A few minutes later, a prospector in a fine broadcloth suit and a bear skin coat passed by young Jonathan. Looking down at Jonathan, he took pity on the broken young man. From his pocket he pulled forth a nugget the size of an acorn. Bending low, he dropped it into Jonathan's discarded pan with a loud clang.

Jonathan, aroused by this sound, shook himself free of his stupified state. He stared down into the pan, disbelief dawning on his tear stained face.

Looking up at the man, with gratitude in his eyes, he said in a breaking voice, "Thanks for my first gold, kind stranger!"

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More jokes about: #Trek #Moose #Risk #Jonathan #Risked
My priest got mad at me for drawing a risque woman showing her butt on a stained window, but thankfully he let me off with a warning.

My priest got mad at me for drawing a risque woman showing her butt on a stained window, but thankfully he let me off with a warning.

Looks like I got a crass glass lass ass mass pass.

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More jokes about: #Lass #Stain #Drawing #Risque
A lady goes into the dry cleaners.

A lady goes into the dry cleaners.

Lady: "I was wondering if you could get this stain out of my blouse"The Clerk: "Come again?"Lady: "No, this time it's just yogurt"

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More jokes about: #Yogurt